


When We Were Young

by DAgron01



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003), The 100 (TV)
Genre: Crossover, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 61,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAgron01/pseuds/DAgron01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after season 2 of The 100, when Clarke goes off on her own to deal with what she had done. She and the other Arkers deal with their own versions of PTSD and survivors guilt. While in the wilderness alone, Octavia begrudgingly offers friendship/forgiveness to Clarke and they continue to heal together and grow closer. <br/>Meanwhile, back at the Ark, Raven reaches out and finds that they are not as alone on Earth as they once thought. She makes contact with the City of Lights and learns that there is a whole civilization living there under the command of President Roslin, who also was from the sky. Roslin  and the Arkers long for peace and try to come up with a solution that will benefit them all.<br/>Lexa continues to feel guilty about her actions involving her betrayal of Clarke and the skaikru. She wants to make things right with Clarke, but knows she has a long journey ahead of her. Especially, with her people honoring the legend of Clarke Griffin, the girl who saved them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When We Were Young

**Author's Note:**

> Canon through season 2 of The 100, and mostly canon for Battlestar Galactica. The changes for the show include the fact that President Roslin is still sick, but has not died yet. Also, few changes with Six were made to better align with this story.  
> Very heavy of character driven plot, but I feel that enough is explained throughout that you won't need to necessarily be familiar with Battlestar Galactica to understand this story.

When We Were Young

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I set aside childish ways.”  
1 Corinthians 13:11

XXXXXXX

When Bellamy returned to the others, the first person who greeted him was Abby. He tried to calm his breathing and find the words to say.  
“Where’s Clarke?” Abby asked as soon as she was within talking distance.   
When he shook his head and looked her in the eye, her voice wavered. “Bellamy? What’s going on?”  
He walked the few steps that separated them and rested his hand on her shoulder. “She just needs time.”  
The woman’s face looked anguished as she processed the words that were told her her.   
“She’s not coming back.” She barely whispered as she collapsed into his arms.   
“Clarke’s not coming back.” She repeated to herself over and over.  
Bellamy felt awkward comforting Clarke’s mother, especially when he understood the girl’s decision to stay behind. He knew that everything Clarke had done to win the war for them was at the cost of her soul or, perhaps, her sanity. He understood. But he didn’t have it in him to defend his friend at the moment, because the truth was, he would miss her just as much.  
When Abby calmed down, she abruptly excused herself and wiped a few stray tears away before she put on the bravest face she could. Bellamy admired her for it, and it was times like these that he knew where Clarke got her strength.  
He made his way through the crowd when Raven and Octavia appeared abruptly in front of him.  
“We just saw Abby and she looked….” Raven started, but was interrupted by Octavia.  
“Where’s Clarke?” She demanded.  
Raven’s eyes widened slightly because she now understood Abby’s distraught demeanor. “Bellamy, what’s going on?”  
He sighed because he knew that they would not be as understanding as he had been with Clarke’s decision. Especially his sister.  
“She left.” Octavia announced with what sounded like distain. “We all have to live through what she has done and she just...leaves.”  
“It’s not like that.” He explained quickly. “And you know Clarke.”  
“Yeah, I do.”  
“So do I.” Raven said sadly. “And as much as we might have thought we hated her for some of the decisions she made, imagine how she feels about herself.”  
“You don’t think I know that?!” Octavia’s raised her voice.   
She took a deep breath a kicked at the dirt. When she slowly let out the air in her lungs, she looked up to see that both Raven and Bellamy were staring at her.   
“I said some pretty awful things to her.”  
She tensed her jaw and looked defiantly at them, with a fierce determination that they had come   
to expect from her.  
“I don’t owe her an apology, because what I told her was true. She changed.”   
“We all did.” Raven admitted.  
“She doesn’t hold it against you, O.” Bellamy gently told his sister and watched as her jaw tightened slightly, though she didn’t comment on his statement. “She didn’t stay away because she’s taking the easy way out.”  
“Duh. Knowing Clarke, when she does come back she’ll demand to be put on trial for war crimes.”  
Raven and Bellamy both nodded, because it sounded just about like Clarke.  
“She’s making it harder for herself.” Raven continued. “She shouldn’t be alone out there, not in the condition she’s in.”  
“She’s going to have to forgive herself before she will listen to what any of us have to say.” Bellamy told them.  
“Can we at least go to her and tell her that we don’t hate her?” Raven asked. “I need her to know that. I never really hated her.”  
“Soon, not now. She needs space. And after all that has been done, she does deserve that from us.” Bellamy stated, then shot Octavia a heated glare when he saw that she was about to argue.   
“Fine.”  
His sister walked away, but not before announcing that she was going to go out to look for Lincoln.   
“But you think she’ll come around though, right?” Raven asked him when Octavia was out of sight.  
He shrugged. “I wish I knew. But you didn’t see her face, Raven. The Clarke we know….the one that we admire and care about….I don’t know how much of her is left.”  
Raven shook her head. “No, I don’t believe that. Clarke’s the strongest person I know.”  
“Even the strongest people can be broken.”  
They stood in silence for a few moments before Raven spoke up again. “I’m going to go make myself useful.”  
He frowned. “What’re you going to do?”  
“First, I’m going to check on Abby. Then I’m going to go work on the radios. With Mount Weather gone, our signals won’t be blocked anymore. I’m going to see if there’s anyone else out there.”  
“That’s actually a great idea, the radio part, I mean.”  
“Well, someone has to be productive so that everything doesn’t fall to shit while Clarke’s gone.”  
When she walked away, Bellamy smirked to himself. Clarke doesn’t realize it, but she still makes them all better. She would be proud of them when she came back.

xxxxxxxxxxx

“I hear you, you know.” Clarke announced to whatever intruder had been watching her the past hour or so. But, of course, no one answered.  
She rolled her eyes and continued working on making shelter. She wished, and not for the first time, that she had gone to the Ark first and grabbed supplies before she decided on taking her solo excursion.  
“You’re smarter than that.” She heard in the distance and knew it was Finn’s voice.  
She hadn’t seen him since she “let him go” along with her conscience. She had lost a lot in this war. And she started to think her sanity was chief among them.  
“I used to be.” She replied.  
Then she sat on the ground and brought her knees to her chest, hugging them tightly. “I used to be a lot of things.”  
“You’re still a lot of things.” This time it wasn’t Finn, it was Maya.   
“And none of them are good.” She told the girl. “I’m sorry, you know. I never met for you to die. I wanted to save you. To save them.”  
“You know what they say about good intentions.” This time it was Anya.  
“Shit. And I didn’t even like you very much.” Clarke groaned at her new intruder.  
“Yeah, well the feeling is mutual. After all, you got me killed.”  
“Also not my intention.”  
“Seems like you tend to get a lot of people killed...even if you didn’t intend to.” Maya commented.  
“Yeah, well, she did kill me. On purpose.” Finn spat out.  
“It wasn’t like that and you know it!”  
“Who you yelling at?” Octavia stepped out from behind a tree.  
Clarke looked around and saw that her intruders were gone, and she was alone with Octavia.   
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was tired, but had some bite to it.  
Octavia held her hands up in surrender. “Relax, just passing through. I’m looking for Lincoln.”  
Clarke knew it was selfish to feel betrayed that no one came to look for her, especially since she chose to leave and told Bellamy not to follow.  
“I hope you find him.” She told her friend sincerely.  
Octavia’s steps faltered. She looked closely at Clarke and knew she was speaking honestly. “Thanks.”  
Clarke nodded in return, then rested her chin on her knees. Octavia noted that she looked the smallest she had ever seen her, not the larger than life leader she had always known. It made her uneasy. It wasn’t like she forgave her or anything. In fact, she was still mostly pissed at her. But, they had been friends, and Octavia prided herself on being loyal. She grabbed a knife from her boot and took off her jacket. She tossed both items to the blonde.  
“Here, you might need these.”  
Clarke caught them with surprise. “Thank you.”   
Again, Octavia was taken back by Clarke’s sincerity. “Don’t mention it.” She took a few steps away from the other girl, then stopped and spoke without facing her. “And don’t get dead, okay?”  
“Can’t make any promises, but…”  
Octavia turned on her and interrupted her harshly. “I’m serious Clarke, there are people back at the Ark that still care about you.”  
Clarke narrowed her eyes and swallowed thickly. “But you’re no longer one of them.” She threw the jacket back to Octavia. “I don’t need your pity.”  
When she attempted to also toss the knife, Octavia stomped toward her. “There’s having pride and there’s being stupid, Clarke.” She knelt down next to the blonde and made a show of shoving the jacket and knife back into her hands. “I never took you for stupid.”  
“I still care about you too, Octavia.” Clarke replied timidly.  
With that, Octavia stood up quickly and marched away, deeper into the woods.  
“Don’t look at me like that.” Clarke spoke again, this time to the growing crowd of intruders.  
She made a mental note to start writing down their names. She owed all of them that much. She owed them a memorial, even if she was the only person who honored their sacrifice. With that thought, she pulled Octavia’s jacket tightly to her body.   
Then she stood up, opened the knife and walked to the nearest tree. She took her time carving Finn’s name, then under it, she carved Anya’s and Maya’s name. She nodded to herself and felt a small piece of her soul shift back into place. She said a brief prayer for them, and begged them for forgiveness.   
She carved another name after that.  
Charlotte  
She traced the name with her fingers gently. “You were so young, and lost your innocence way too soon. I wish I could have protected you better. I’m sorry that I failed you.”  
And then another.  
Wells  
Her fingers danced across his name next. “You will always be my best friend. I miss you, but I’m glad that you’re not here to see what I’ve become.”  
Atom  
“You were the first. Way back at the start of it all, when I started to lose myself. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, but maybe I’m more sorry that I never even tried.”  
When the ritual was complete, she felt tired. She quickly finished her makeshift bed. She made a small fire and lay on the ground tugging Octavia’s jacket around her. She fell asleep, not because her mind and conscience were clear, but because her body was so exhausted.

XXXXXXXXX

Lexa waited until she was sure that Clarke was asleep before she left her hiding place. She had been watching Clarke all afternoon; ever since her scouts alerted her of the blonde’s presence. She had known, or perhaps hoped, that Clarke would survive the Mountain Men. She wanted to tell her as much, to beg for forgiveness or, in the very least, for Clarke to understand.   
But she couldn’t bring herself to approach the girl. Not yet. And especially, not upon seeing now broken Clarke had become. She was talking to herself, or to ghosts. She had been conversing with the people she had lost.   
Lexa left her hiding place and walked to the tree that she watched Clarke carve names into. She ran her fingers reverently across each of them. She had been surprised to see Anya’s name, and to have heard Clarke speak of her earlier. Apart from Anya’s name, and Finn’s and Maya’s, Lexa didn’t recognize the other two names. She found herself wondering who they were to Clarke, and what their story was. She said a prayer for each of them. She and her people firmly believed that the sanctity of death is what gave life its meaning.  
As she watched Clarke sleep, she began to wonder if perhaps death wasn’t the only thing that gave life significance.  
She wanted to sit with Clarke a while, but had to get back to her people. It was harder these days, being Commander. Some of her people turned on her. They disagreed with her betrayal of   
the Sky People. She couldn’t hold it against them. She hated herself for what she had done as well.   
She had hoped that Clarke understood her enough to know how hard a sacrifice it had been. To make the difficult decision to do whatever it took to save the most people. Her people. To know that Clarke would get out of it and save her people in the process. She expected Clarke to be angry, even hate her for a little while. But she never expected this. And out of everything that had happened, seeing Clarke so broken was the most painful.  
Reluctantly, she left a sleeping Clarke and made her way back to the village. Indra was waiting for her.  
“Do we have to be worried? Are they seeking retribution?”   
Lexa shook her head in response. “They are as sick of war as we are, we needn’t fear them.”  
Indra studied her Commander. “But you are worried.”  
“Nothing you need to be worried about, Indra. I am safe, Clarke does not wish to assassinate me.”  
I hope.   
Indra continued to study her. “She does not plan to kill you, Commander, but I fear you are not safe.”  
Lexa looked at her friend, and most trusted warrior, in confusion. “What do you mean?”  
“Octavia has been spotted in the area as well, and that girl does not easily forgive.”  
“I’m not scared of Octavia.”  
“Perhaps you should be.” Indra looked around to ensure that they would not be overheard. “Some of our people are loyal to her. They respect what she did during the missile attack. And some admire that she stayed for her people.”  
Lexa appeared anxious for the first time in the face of such an announcement.  
“Do I need to fear my own people?” She asked, unsure if she wanted to know the answer.  
“They know you did what you did to protect them. They know you are loyal to them. They know you saved them.”  
“But?”  
“They are starting to question our ways. They have been with the Sky People long enough to learn a few things.”  
“And?”  
“We value death, and assure that people are punished justly for their actions.” Indra spoke almost fondly. “They value life, and seek mercy when possible.”  
Lexa nodded, she began to understand where Clarke had been coming from. “What good is surviving, if we don’t know how to life.”  
“Indeed.” Indra agreed solemnly.  
“Do you believe in redemption?”  
“I don’t know what you mean, Commander.”  
Lexa thought about her words. She spoke out of emotion rather than duty. “We do things during war that we would never do in peace. Is it possible to come back from that? To be what we once were, before this war claimed our innocence?”  
“I think the war is far from over.”  
Lexa stared at her friend in confusion, so Indra further explained. “The war inside your heart   
continues to wage on.”  
Lexa stayed silent.   
“We all lost a lot, and some have lost more than others. Our mind tries to understand, but our hearts continue to hurt.”  
“What happens if the mind is more broken than the heart?”  
“Both can be repaired. In time.” Indra said sagely and walked away, leaving Lexa to walk toward her chamber in silence.  
She wondered which would heal first, her heart. Or Clarke’s mind.

XXXXXXX

Octavia walked through the woods for the second day in a row. She had seen no sight of Lincoln, apart from the dead body of the President of the Mountain Men. She wondered if Lincoln was turned into a reaper again, or if he was off dying somewhere...alone.   
She shook that thought from her mind. Lincoln was the strongest person she knew, he was a survivor and if he didn’t make it then there really was no hope for the rest of them.  
She let her mind wander from Lincoln to Clarke. The second strongest person she knew, and also another survivor. Octavia hated admitting how rattled she was upon seeing Clarke the day before. She couldn’t imagine ever seeing the girl so weak, so broken. And if she were being honest with herself, she hated seeing it. Clarke might be a pain in the ass at times, more so recently, but she was someone Octavia relied on. And a part of her needed that Clarke back, because she would know how to find Lincoln.   
Her feet took her back to Clarke before her mind realized where she was.   
“You again.” Clarke’s voice was hollow, but held no malice. “Or are you just passing through?”  
Octavia shrugged. She sat down across from Clarke and waited for the girl’s eyes to land on her. “Still looking for Lincoln.”  
“Have you tried closer to Mount Weather?” Clarke said quietly. “He might be looking for you.” She shuttered at the image that crossed her mind. “I’d hate for him to go inside and see...the damage.”  
Octavia remained quiet, also thinking about the scene inside Mount Weather. She didn’t know what else there was left to say, so she readied herself to leave.   
I’ll help you look for him.”  
“I won’t make you go back in there Clarke. If he’s by Mount Weather, I’ll find him. But I won’t make you go through that again.”  
Clarke barely nodded in response so Octavia left.  
Octavia found Lincoln where Clarke said he might be, and she thought she’d be content now that she had him. She should have been happy. He was pretty disoriented and beaten when she found him, so she nursed him back to health and for the most part it reminded her of old times. Except back then, she had relied on Clarke for the medical stuff.  
As he lay asleep, she sat and watched over him. In the darkness, she was left alone with her thoughts. Her mind flitted back and forth between all they had been through together. How Lincoln started out as an enemy and became more. How Clarke started out as a friend and became...whatever she was now. It was hard to stay mad at Clarke when the girl appeared so   
broken. But then she would remember why she was so upset, and be right back where she started.  
She hadn’t known how long, how many hours or days she stayed at Lincoln’s side, but when Bellamy snuck in before the sun was up; she was awake and alert enough to catch him.  
“What are you doing?” She asked him softly.  
Her quiet voice in the darkness startled him, and he turned to face her.   
“I thought you’d be asleep.” He glanced at Lincoln. “How is he?”  
Octavia shrugged. “Better than he was. Tired mostly. I don’t know if he got injected with the reaper serum again or what, but he seemed pretty out of it when I found him.”  
She noticed that Bellamy had a bag packed. “Where are you going?”  
“I thought Clarke would be back by now, or at least give us a sign that she was okay. The Grounders are still out there, and...I’m getting worried.”  
“You said that she’d come back when she was ready.”   
He sighed and sat the bag down, then walked over to his sister. “I think I wanted to believe it.” He sat down beside her on a cot. “Clarke...she said that she couldn’t come back and look at everyone knowing what she did for them to survive.”  
Octavia’s chest tightened at the confession. She knew that Clarke was...different now. She saw that she was broken. But she was also still pissed as hell at her that she just assumed the more time Clarke needed, the easier it would be to eventually forgive her when she came back.  
“You think she’d stay away? Her mom’s here…”  
Bellamy shook his head. “You didn’t see Clarke when she left. I should have looked for her sooner.”  
For some reason, Octavia didn’t want Bellamy to find Clarke. She tried telling herself that she didn’t want Bellamy to be disappointed with what he would find. But she wasn’t sure she believed it.  
“Give her a little more time, Bell.”  
He exhaled deeply. “It’s been a week, O.”  
Octavia tried to keep the surprise out of her expression, but she hadn’t realized that it had been as long as it had.  
“That’s right, only a week. She’ll need more time than that if she’s going to get over what she did.”  
Bellamy stood up quickly. “Of course you’d say that. I don’t know what she did to make you hate her so much, but…”  
“I don’t hate her.” Octavia admitted, and was shocked to realize it was the truth. “I’m pissed at her, yes, but Bell...she….” Octavia sighed. “She was going to let us die. Let me die. She knew the missile was coming, you warned her about it. And yet...she…”  
His gaze softened as he looked at her. “It’s Clarke. She had to have had a reason.”  
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I just told you that she was going to let me die.”  
“But that didn’t happen.”  
“How can you forgive her so easily?”  
“It was war. I would have died to save you. And Clarke knew that. I love you and you know that, but to her...to everyone else....my death would have killed us all. Yours wouldn’t have.”  
“So...you’re okay with the fact that she chose who lived and died?”  
“No. And as much as I hate it; as much as I’d like to say that I’d have chosen differently….better...I’m not the one who had to make those decisions. And I’m not the one who has to live with them.”  
“Bellamy’s right, Octavia.” Lincoln said from his cot. “Clarke acted like any leader would. The Commander made the same decision, and I can guarantee that her people aren’t judging her for it.”  
“Lexa? You’re comparing Clarke to her, and you expect me to be okay with it because it’s what your Commander did?” She was upset that she was being ganged up on. “And I can’t believe you’re even defending Lexa when she betrayed our alliance and left us all to die. She banished you from your own people.”  
“And you’re banishing, Clarke.” He said quietly.   
“No, she’s the one who won’t come back.” Octavia muttered.  
“Look, I know you have your own issues with Clarke right now...but she did come back. You’re upset that she was going to let us die, but she didn’t. She did the best she could to save us all.”  
“Yeah, well, maybe that isn’t good enough.”  
“You may not care what happens to her, but I’m going to go find her.”  
“I still care.” She sighed. She should tell him that Clarke was fine. But the truth was that she really didn’t know. “Give her more time, Bell. She’s Clarke. She’ll come back.”   
She begged her brother and hoped he believed her words. She tried her best to believe them, too.  
Octavia waited almost another week, before she broke down and decided that she would try to talk to Clarke, for Bellamy’s sake. But maybe for her own as well. Because as much as she wanted to tell herself that she was still upset with the other girl, her anger had faded into worry a while ago.

XXXXX

“I never thanked you.”  
Clarke’s mouth dropped open as she stared at the brunette. “What?”  
Octavia rolled her eyes. “You heard me, don’t make me say it again.”  
Clarke shook her head and waved her hands defensively. “I heard what you said, but I don’t understand why you’re thanking me.” She let out a shaky breath.   
“I found Lincoln, where you said he’d be.”  
Clarke didn’t respond, instead her eyes wandered to the trees in the distance. She added more names over the past two weeks. As many of the original 100 as she remembered. She still couldn’t believe that nearly a third of them had died since they landed. She had been proud of herself for remembering their names, but that didn’t make the pain lessen.  
She still had to add the others from the Ark, the ones who didn’t make it. Who died from the missile, or who had yet to be found. Then she thought about the grounders; she didn’t know their names at all. She wished she did.  
“Clarke?”  
Octavia’s voice seemed so far away. But when Clarke blinked, the brunette was right in front of her face and her own eyes shone with concern. Maybe she did still care after all.  
“Huh?” Clarke grunted.  
Octavia leaned back on her heels and looked closely at her friend. “Where’d you go just then?”  
Her eyes followed Clarke’s and she saw so many names carved into the trees. When she recognized some them and saw the haunted look in Clarke’s face, she cursed herself for giving Clarke a knife.  
“All those people…” Octavia’s voice trailed off.   
She had forgotten some of them, yet Clarke had painstakingly etched each name into the bark. It must’ve taken hours. Clarke had spent the last two weeks immersed in guilt and self-pity.  
“Since you took the time to write them all up there, I’m going to make you talk about it.” Octavia said firmly yet compassionately. “I was pissed at you. Still am, if I’m being honest.”  
Clarke looked down in shame and Octavia almost felt guilty. But she needed to get this off her chest if she was ever going to forgive the girl. Perhaps it was selfish, but Octavia felt that they both needed to heal a bit. So she figured they might as well do it together.  
“You’re out here, hating yourself and assuming that we all hate you.” She saw Clarke open her mouth, but continued undeterred. “If you want my forgiveness, tell my why you deserve it.”  
“I don’t.” Clarke replied simply.  
Octavia saw the devastation that took root in Clarke’s features. Her posture looked absolutely defeated.  
“You let some of us die...would have let me die.” Octavia realized in that moment that it wasn’t anger she felt toward Clarke. She was hurt. She was hurt that Clarke would have sacrificed her.  
Clarke was awkwardly playing with her hands. “I wanted to find the sniper...to stop it from happening...then I saw my mom and I tried to get her out of there...it all happened so fast…”  
Octavia was stricken by the look of pure torment on Clarke’s face. It was as if she was presently reliving the attack. She likely was. As much as she thought she wanted an explanation or an apology from Clarke, even she knew that pushing Clarke too far now was not helping either of them. Before she was able to stop the conversation, Clarke spoke again.  
“You think that I made those decisions and didn’t think about the consequences.”  
“I don’t think that.” Octavia whispered, but didn’t say anything more.  
“You disagree with what I’ve done. And you hate me for what I let happen.”  
Octavia shook her head to argue, but Clarke wouldn’t let her say a word as she rambled on.  
“I never asked to be leader. I never wanted it. I did what I thought was best and if people had a better idea, I listened. I’m just a kid, you know? I wasn’t meant to do all this. And now….”  
She caught herself, she wouldn’t cry in front of Octavia. The girl already thought she was going crazy, she didn’t want further pity from her.  
Her eyes once again found the trees. She repeated each name in her mind, like a prayer.  
“I see them. All of them. Every day. Waking or asleep it doesn’t matter. They’re here. They are always here.”   
She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, and didn’t realize she had until she saw Octavia’s eyes soften.  
“I talk to them. But they can’t give me the absolution I need.”  
Octavia moved to sit beside Clarke rather than in front of her. “Bellamy told me that he forgave you. He thought that you needed it to be able to forgive yourself.”  
Clarke looked at her hands, twirling the knife in them.  
“If you need forgiveness, Clarke. You have mine as well.”  
Clarke looked up and made eye contact with her. “If you’re serious about that.”  
“I am.”  
“Then could you do something for me?”  
Octavia frowned. “Forgiving what you’ve done was hard, now you want more from me.”  
Clarke stood up. “You’re right, forgiveness is hard. Not everyone deserves it.”  
Octavia tried to stop Clarke from walking away from her, but she was already out of her reach. “Clarke, I didn’t mean it like that.” She walked toward her friend. “What do you need me to do?”  
Although Clarke didn’t face her, at least she answered. “Could you write me a list of all the grounders who died? From the missile, or during the war at all? All the names you know.”  
“I don’t see how dwelling on that will help you.”  
“And you don’t need to.” Clarke faced her with determination in her eyes. “  
Octavia huffed in annoyance. “Fine. I’ll write you a list of names.”  
Clarke nodded, then bit her lip and caught Octavia’s eyes once more. “Until then….could you, would you name a few for me right now?”  
“Clarke...” She pleaded, but Clarke seemed to need this. “Whatever.”   
Octavia stood up straight, as defiantly as she could. “Gustus. Nyko. Atohl. Echo.”  
Clarke nodded at each one, and committed them to memory.  
“That’s just off the top of my head, but I’ll get you the rest okay.” She paused. “You’re not the only one who still sees the ones we lost. I think of them often. I remember them.”  
“I’m sorry.” Clarke whispered in the silence between them.  
“No, don’t. You don’t get to do this. Not now.” Octavia turned around and marched away.   
Clarke watched her leave, then walked to a new tree and carved the four names she had been given.  
“Gustus, I know you were protecting your commander from the threat you saw us as, and perhaps you were right to...I seem to get the people I care about killed.”  
As she finished with the names, she continued her ritual. “I wish I knew the rest of you, I wish we had met under different circumstances. I wish it had been me instead.”  
“You don’t mean that.” Finn said from beside her.  
“What good would that have done? You’d just be dead too.” Anya said from her other side.  
Clarke didn’t have a response to that, or an argument.

XXXXX

“Abby?” Raven asked, knocking on the older woman’s door. “Do you have a minute?”  
When Abby glanced at her, Raven saw that there were dark circles under her eyes. She felt bad for her, and knew better than to ask how she was doing. It had been couple of weeks with no news from Clarke. Raven actually expected Bellamy to finally give in and go get her. He had to know where she was, or if she was safe. But he seemed to have no intention of looking for her.  
“What did you want Raven?”  
“I think I made contact...with the radios. I was able to reach someone. She said her name is President Roslin. She is in contact with Thelonious at the City of Lights.” She paused to let it sink in. “We’re not alone. There are more people like us. They were in space, too, they found Earth a   
few years ago. She wants to talk to you. Leader to Leader.”  
Abby forgot that they were going to have a re-election for Chancellor. She no longer wanted the job. The truth was, she didn’t think anyone did.  
“Do you think I’m the one she should talk to? I’m not…” She ran her hands through her hair. “I miss Clarke.”  
“Don’t you think Clarke would want to know that we found others? That we’re not alone here. She made so many sacrifices for our survival...she would want this for us.”  
Abby sighed. “You’re right.” She stood up. “Lead the way.”  
Raven nodded and walked to her workshop, Abby was right behind her. She fiddled with a few dials and spoke until she made contact with the other woman.   
“This is President Roslin, it’s nice to hear from you again, Raven.”  
“You, too, Madame President. I actually have someone hear for you to talk with. Abby Griffin is our acting Chancellor.”  
“Hello, Chancellor.”  
“Madame President.”  
“Raven filled me in on a few things, I’ve heard wonderful things about your daughter.”  
Raven worriedly looked at Abby, who smiled encouragingly at her.   
“She did, huh?”  
“I must say, it worries me though.”  
“How so?” Abby asked and nodded for Raven to leave them.   
Abby found it somehow easy to talk to the other woman.   
“I heard about all that your people went through and applaud you on your survival. I myself had a difficult journey getting our people here. But Raven told me how it was children who led you through the war and suffered the biggest losses.”  
“Yes, that is unfortunately true. I hated seeing what Clarke had to go through, and not knowing how to help. I reminded her, and myself, that we were the good guys. But what we’ve all done, no one is the good guy in this.”  
The other line was silent for a moment, before a clear but emotional voice came across the radio. “We’ve always believed that children were supposed to stay innocent. That they were our future and are supposed to be somehow better. They are supposed to have a better life than we did.”  
“We took our kids’ innocence from them, then asked them to do what it took to save us.” Abby admitted solemnly.  
They talked a while and shared war stories. Abby was saddened to know that there weren’t many children that survived long enough to make it to the City of Lights. President Roslin and her Commander, Admiral Adama, led a crew on what they called Battlestar Galactica.  
Abby learned that Thelonious was with them, as well as some of their people. She found herself admiring the other woman for the composure she seemed to innately have.   
“It was wonderful talking to you, Abby. And I hope to speak with Clarke soon. She sounds wonderful.”  
“Clarke’s not…” She paused, and didn’t know what to say. “She isn’t…”  
“I know she isn’t there right now, but if what Raven has told me about her is true, she’ll be back. She just needs time. Speaking from experience, war takes a toll on you.”  
“I worry about her.”  
“You are right to worry Abby, but you also don’t give her enough credit. She’s your daughter, so you’re too close to the situation to see what others do.”  
“And what’s that?”  
“That your daughter found a way to win an impossible war, and she still has her humanity in tact.”  
“I’m not sure I understand.”  
“The fact that she’s struggling, that she is seeking absolution of some sort. I think she’ll be okay. I’d worry if she made all those decisions...watched people die, killed people….and it didn’t affect her.”  
“You’re right.” Abby answered, and she actually believed it.  
“Have a good day, Chancellor. Tell Raven I said bye.”  
“Good day, Madame President.”  
Abby sat in silent contemplation for a few minutes before she left in search of Bellamy and the other kids.  
Bellamy, Raven, Jasper and Monty were gathered around a table eating dinner.  
“Where’s Octavia?” Abby asked when she joined them.  
“Seems to be the million dollar question.” Bellamy replied non-committally.  
“Raven said that she’s been speaking with others like us. From space.” Monty stated simply.  
“Raven sometimes has a big mouth.” Abby replied fondly.  
“I’m sorry I talked to her about Clarke. She asked about us, and wondered how communications had been restored. They had been attempting to seek us out since Theloneous got there, but signals were jammed by Mount Weather. And then the war….and…”  
“Relax, Raven. I’m not mad. I think it’s nice you still admire Clarke, especially after everything you two went through.”  
“I understand why she did it. She saved him from torture. And I know how hard it was for her to do it.”  
Abby held the other girl’s hand in her own, hoping to comfort her. When Raven squeezed her hand back in response, she knew it worked.  
“Did you learn anything from your chat?” Bellamy asked.  
“I learned a lot actually. I learned how much you kids sacrificed for all of us. How we saw you as criminals on the Ark and didn’t treat you much better than that when we got here. And it was you who saved us all.”  
Jasper and Monty smiled proudly, Raven looked at Abby with admiration, but Bellamy responded differently.  
“Maybe it was because we were criminals that you let us make the hard decisions. Because we were still disposable.”  
“That isn’t true.” Abby argued, holding her eyes to meet his. “You are not disposable. And we didn’t want you to have to make those decisions. No one person ever should.” She looked around the table and told them an idea that had been going around her head since her talk with President Roslin. “No one person should be expected to make those decisions, nor should they have to live with them.”  
“Too late, Clarke’s already living with them.” Bellamy argued back.  
“Do you want to know what I learned from you guys? What I learned from a bunch of criminals?”  
Bellamy held her gaze, but remained silent.  
“I learned mercy, and forgiveness. I learned loyalty and respect. I learned what true leadership was and that it is not done through coercion or fear or with an iron hand. People followed you guys because they believed in you. Lexa, a child, was Commander of an entire army willing to die for her.”  
“Lexa was commander because her people believe in reincarnation, so she was leader by default. Clarke and Bellamy led by example. We followed them because they always tried to do the right thing. To make the choice that would save everyone, or try to.” Octavia said when she arrived at the table with Lincoln in tow.  
Bellamy stood up to hug his sister and the others greeted Lincoln with enthusiasm.  
“Glad to have you back, Lincoln.” Abby told him with sincerity, then looked to Octavia. “You didn’t happen to see Clarke out there, did you?”  
Octavia watched Abby carefully, then shook her head. “Sorry, I wasn’t really looking for her.”  
Abby nodded and walked away. Octavia hated lying to her, but her loyalty remained with Clarke though she wondered why sometimes.  
Octavia had even been surprised to learn that Raven had made contact with more survivors. She couldn’t help thinking that Clarke would want to know, but realized that the state Clarke was in at the moment, it wasn’t the right time to tell her.  
But she made a mental note to make that list for Clarke and bring it to her in the morning. She told herself that she should be content with Lincoln home. But part of her knew that it wasn’t home without Clarke there, too. No matter how mad she often got at the blonde, she had grown accustomed to her presence.

XXXXXXXXXX

Clarke was surprised to see Octavia walk into her campsite the next afternoon. She would never admit it to Octavia, but she almost looked forward to seeing the other girl. The thing about Octavia is that she never treated her differently than she treated anyone else. If she had a problem with Clarke, she told her so. If she needed help she asked for it. If she disagreed with her decisions, she was very verbal about it. It was nice that she didn’t seem to change. That she still treated Clarke as if she wasn’t the broken villain she felt she was.   
Octavia was a good person. War didn’t change her. She still held to her sense of morality and if a good person like Octavia could still look Clarke in the eye, maybe not all hope was lost. Plus, Octavia never asked her to come back to camp. She seemed to understand that this is what Clarke needed, but also that absolute isolation was not something Clarke was ready for.  
“I brought you what you asked for.” The smaller girl grunted as she thrust a notebook toward Clarke.  
When Clarke took it wordlessly, Octavia waited for her to flip through it before she spoke again. “Those were the ones Lincoln and I could come up with.” She told her reverently.   
As Clarke scanned through the dozens of names, she ran her fingers across each of them. When she read the entire list, she looked up at Octavia with glassy eyes.  
“Would you….”   
She reached for the brunette’s hand before thinking better of it. Octavia grabbed Clarke’s hand when she saw hesitation in her friend’s eyes. She pulled on the girl’s arm until blue eyes fell on hers. “Would I what, Clarke?”  
After she let out a shaky breath, she looked back down at the notebook. “I was wondering if you would tell me about each of them. The ones that you knew. Would you do that?”  
Octavia didn’t understand the request, but she nodded anyway. She sat on the ground and pulled Clarke with her. She reached over and grabbed the book from Clarke’s grasp and started with the first name.  
She was surprised to learn that she remembered most of them. Either from personal experience, or from the stories Lincoln told her about them (most of which were just from last night).  
It wasn’t until she had finished her stories, that she glanced over at Clarke. The blonde’s eyes were downcast and a steady flow of tears escaped under the lids. Octavia didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing.   
“That’s anyone, right? I don’t want to miss anyone.” Clarke’s anxious voice confused Octavia.  
Her eyes wandered until they fell on several trees a few feet away; a sharp pain pierced her heart at the sight. It was in that moment that she realized Clarke’s need not only for the names, but for the stories to accompany them.  
She stood up and walked closer to the tree, she said a short prayer as she read through each name. Some of the names confused her though, not all of them were from the war. Clarke had written down every lost person from the original one hundred, and also everyone from the Ark who died since they arrived on Earth. She hadn’t paid close enough attention before. But now she understood.   
“If you’re writing down a list of deaths you think you’re responsible for, some of these names don’t belong on it. Most of these weren’t your fault Clarke. And no one blames you for them.”  
“They’re still dead, aren’t they?” Clarke spat out without emotion or maybe, Octavia thought, she held too much emotion.  
“So you asked me for these names so you could continue to torture yourself? To what end, Clarke?”  
“You wouldn’t understand.”  
“Try me.”  
Clarke didn’t speak again until she was standing beside Octavia. She didn’t look at the girl though, she was looking at the names.  
“I don’t want them to be forgotten. For their deaths to have been for nothing.” She stroked Finn’s name, then Wells’ and Anya’s, Maya’s and Charlotte’s.   
It was strange the ones that still affected her, the ones that hurt the most.   
“I write them up here, say a prayer. Talk to them when I’m alone. I told you before, they are always with me. I don’t do this to torture myself. I am already tortured. Or broken, or crazy, or whatever you want to call it. This is the only way I can see to get through this.”  
Octavia nodded. “I’ll help you write the names I gave you today. There’s quite a few.”  
“I’d rather do it myself.”  
“You don’t have to do everything alone, Clarke.” Octavia turned to face her. “But if that is your wish, I’ll let you do it.”  
“It is. Thank you.”  
“I’ll ask Monty for the names of the people at Mount Weather. The ones he knew, the ones who tried to help them. If you want me to.”  
“I would appreciate that. Thank you.”  
They stood in silence for a few more minutes before Octavia got restless. “Do you need any other supplies? Food, a blanket, anything?”  
“Could you bring me some pencils and another notebook?”  
The way that Clarke asked so timidly made Octavia question the request. “Another one? Why?”  
The older girl shrugged before she turned away. “I would like to draw and I don’t want to use this notebook.”  
Octavia walked away without another word, and was gone before Clarke was able to say goodbye. So she picked up the notebook and began carving the names that Octavia and Lincoln had given her.  
By the time her task was complete and the ritual was administered, Clarke was exhausted. Both physically and mentally. She had even fallen asleep without a fire.

xxxxxx

Lexa walked out of her hiding place once again, and once again scanned the trees for the added names. She heard Octavia tell Clarke about each of the lost Grounders, and was impressed with the brunette’s reverence for her people. It made Lexa almost respect her.   
She was interrupted by her musings when Clarke’s whimpers echoed off the trees. The blonde tossed and turned in a restless sleep while Lexa could only watch. She wanted so badly to comfort the girl from her nightmares, but she knew she couldn’t.   
Lexa had nightmares as well. At the time feared she was alone in that phenomena, now that she saw Clarke struggle with her demons (even when she was supposed to be sleeping), Lexa wished that she was the only one who wrestled with them.  
She spent another hour watching Clarke fight through a nightmare, and built a fire in the meantime. She couldn’t leave Clarke alone and cold. When the fire crackled and its warmth finally reached the blonde, Lexa quietly left the same way she came.  
When she reached the outreaches of her village, Indra again awaited her.  
“What did you learn tonight, Commander?”  
Lexa continued to walk, and her confidant followed her. “That all life matters. That the sacrifice of some for the betterment of all is still a sacrifice.”  
“Sounds like you may be getting weak.”  
Lexa shook her head; she actually felt stronger than she had in awhile. Maybe she finally started to understand the role she was meant to play.  
“No, I was wrong. Being emotional about the decisions we make keeps us human. If we can’t keep our humanity then what are we fighting for?”  
“I thought that the war was over, Commander.” Indra said, referring to their previous conversation.  
“Perhaps you were right when you said that it never is.” She stated before entering her chambers and leaving Indra outside.  
Lexa confided in Indra about almost everything. But the one thing she had been keeping to herself was that she worried about her usefulness now that the threat of war was over. She lived her whole life preparing for war, for battle, for her position as Commander. What was she without it? 

XXXXXXX

Octavia went to Clarke earlier than she had been going; something about their last conversation still upset her. She was conflicted between being honest with Bellamy about what she’d been doing and keeping her meetings with Clarke a secret. She knew Bellamy understood Clarke better than anyone, but she also knew that Bellamy was the one who let Clarke walk away. She felt bitter toward him about it, but she wasn’t beyond asking him for help if it came to it. Tonight, she planned on at least confiding in Lincoln. Because if she learned anything from the Clarke, it was that you can’t do everything alone.  
“You’re early today.”  
Octavia actually let herself smile. “I was just thinking that.”  
“Did you got another notebook?”  
“You’re getting kind of needy, aren’t you?” She teased, hoping Clarke would bite.  
“Sorry, that wasn’t my intention, I didn’t mean….”  
“Chill, it was a joke.” Octavia tried not to let on how bothered she was by Clarke’s timidness. “You do remember what a joke is, don’t you Clarke?”  
Clarke didn’t respond.  
“I brought you the notebook, some pencils, some food and an extra knife.” She nodded toward the trees. “Figured your other one might be getting a bit dull.”  
“Thanks.” Clarke tried not to let the implication of Octavia’s words sting her too badly.  
“I didn’t mean….” Octavia sighed loudly. “I hate this. Tiptoeing around you, scared of offending you in some way and pushing you further….”   
She let her words trail off, but both girls knew what she had meant. Clarke was close enough to the edge without any additional help from anyone else.  
“I like that about you actually.” Clarke admitted, to which Octavia stared at her with confusion. “The first few days you came, you were your normal and abrasive self.”  
“Hey!”  
“It wasn’t an insult. I liked that you treated me the same as you always did. That you didn’t pity me, or worse. Please, if you can….will you just be yourself around me. Maybe then, I can….”  
“You can be yourself again?” Octavia finished and sounded a bit hopeful. “For the record though, I don’t pity you.”  
“And I appreciate that.”  
Octavia surrendered the aforementioned contraband to her friend, before she also handed her a few sheets of loose paper.  
“These were the names Monty came up with.” She looked down, unable to look Clarke in the eyes. “I didn’t ask Jasper for help because…”  
“Because he still hates me.” Clarke reviewed the paper quietly. “I don’t blame him.”  
“He’ll come around, he just needs time.”  
“Don’t we all.”  
Octavia grabbed Clarke’s discarded, dull knife from the ground and started to sharpen it for the other girl. Clarke took that as confirmation that Octavia wasn’t going to be leaving anytime soon, so she went ahead and started her daily routine in silence.  
First, she cleaned up the fire pit. It wasn’t the first time that morning that she wondered who it was that started the fire, because she was pretty sure she had passed out the night before without doing it. After her sleeping space was cleared, she went to the river and washed up a bit and filled her canteen with more water. Then she ate some of the food Octavia brought her and even with all of that done, the brunette had yet to leave. Instead, she was watching her eat.  
“Want some?” Clarke asked.  
Octavia shook her head. “I ate before I came, that’s for you.”  
Clarke took a few more bites in silence.  
“You clean up after yourself as if you were a Grounder. Leaving no trace that you’ve been here.” Octavia broke the silence with her words.  
“Yeah? Is there a question somewhere in there?” Clarke asked.  
“Why? You stay in the same camp each night, you haven’t moved. Why do you clean up each day?”  
Clarke glanced at her briefly, then looked away. Her eyes fell on the names etched into trees.  
“Oh, I get it.” Octavia said when her eyes followed Clarke’s. “Each day you plan to leave, but you haven’t been able to make yourself do it yet.”  
“I can’t leave them.”  
“They’re already gone, Clarke.”  
“And whose fault is that?!”  
“Not only yours. This war, you didn’t start it. You weren’t the only one who took lives. It isn’t up to you to carry that kind of burden alone.”  
“Do you hear yourself? In all of that, you still never let me off the hook. You blame me, as you should, and the fact that you blame others too doesn’t change that fact.”  
“Clarke....”  
Clarke stuffed that last bite of her breakfast in her mouth, grabbed the new knife from the ground and marched over to an empty tree. She made it clear to Octavia that this conversation was over.  
The brunette watched as Clarke took her time on each name. She noticed how Clarke glanced at her gratefully after reading through the list the first time. Octavia had made sure that Monty shared a story of each person whose name he had given her. She knew that the gesture would somehow help Clarke and was surprised at how relieved Monty seemed to be at the opportunity to talk about those he had lost.   
Octavia watched Clarke’s lips move as she read the entry after each name. She watched the other girl close her eyes as she finished with each carving and ran her fingers with reverence over the etched names. It simultaneously broke the brunette’s heart and filled her with pride. Clarke hadn’t really changed as much as she thought she did. She still felt a strong sense of compassion, even for those who she didn’t personally know.   
She watched Clarke finish with her ritual and waited for the other girl to join her again. She also waited for Clarke to speak first.  
“I know you think I’m crazy…”  
“I don’t.” Octavia admitted a bit forcefully.  
Her eyes found Clarke’s and watched as gratitude danced in them.  
“I suppose this is goodbye then.” The blonde said into the silence that followed.  
“What? Why?”  
“You found Lincoln, you brought me the names I asked for. You have no other reason to keep coming.”  
“How about because you’re my friend.” Octavia spat out petulantly.  
Clarke looked at her with surprise. “Really?”  
“No, I just sneak out and lie to everyone for fun.”  
Clarke bit her lip shyly at the response and nodded in understanding. A moment later, she looked back up at Octavia. “How is everyone. How’s my mom?”  
“Everyone is glad the war is over. Your mom misses you and, to be honest, she’s not doing well.”  
“Octavia…”  
“You wanted me to be myself, and this is me being brutally honest. Leaving without even a goodbye sucks and you know that. Raven’s been keeping herself busy, but she misses you, too. And Bell, he won’t admit it but you’re his best friend. He cares about you. Monty wonders about you, last night he figured that I was asking for you. And he told me to tell you ‘Hi.’ Lincoln even wanted to come along, but I figured you barely tolerate my presence so I didn’t know how you’d accept his.”  
“Thank you.”  
Octavia’s eyes widened, she had worried about being too harsh and was caught off guard by Clarke’s quiet reply.  
“In all of that brutal honesty, you never once asked me to come back. So, thank you.” Clarke explained.  
“Because I know you’d say ‘No.’”  
“And you’d be right.” Clarke made eye contact with Octavia and refused to look away. “You don’t want me back, do you?”  
“I…”  
“You don’t have to say it. You mentioned the ones who missed me, but you think the rest of them are better off without me.”  
“That isn’t what I said and you know it.”  
“Thanks for everything you’ve done for me, Octavia. Especially, considering…..” Clarke stood up and wiped some dirt off her jeans. “Don’t feel obligated to come back, you’re off the hook.”  
Octavia rolled her eyes and stood up as well. “I’ll be back tomorrow, Clarke.”   
She stormed off and wiped some stray tears from her cheeks as soon as she was out of sight of the blonde. She took the long way back to camp while she tried to clear her mind and regain her composure.  
She hated feeling so unraveled, and she hated that there wasn’t really anything she could do about it. When she got back to their camp, she was able to sneak into her tent without being interrupted by any of her friends. But her time alone was not meant to be, since Lincoln was in the tent waiting for her.  
“You look worse each time you get back from visiting Clarke.” He said as he walked to her and held her close to him. As he kissed the top of her head, he continued. “What goes on out there that makes you so...sad.”  
She wrapped her arms around him and returned his embrace. She needed warmth right now. She needed compassion and empathy.  
He held her in silence, not forcing her to answer. When enough time had passed, he let go of her and pulled her to join him on the ground. She looked at the concern in his eyes and relented.  
“She is suffering and she won’t accept my help.”  
“She probably has the same nightmares as you do. Or more.”   
He remembered the scene inside Mount Weather when he finally went inside looking for Octavia. Death was everywhere, so many children and young ones. Their skin looked like it had been melted off. Even as a reaper, he hadn’t seen quite that kind of gruesome death. If his time as a reaper made him have nightmares, he couldn’t imagine what visions Clarke saw when she tried to close her eyes. He felt pain for the girl. Clarke had always helped him; had always been the heart and conscience of her people--of this war. And for her to have to resort to mass murder to save what was left of her people; he couldn’t imagine the toll it took on her.  
And if he were being honest, he figured that Lexa was suffering even worse. Because Clarke may have been the one who pulled the trigger, but Lexa gave her the loaded gun and locked her in an impenetrable building with her enemies. He didn’t envy either of them. But the person he was worried about at the moment was Octavia. His moon and stars. She was strong and empathetic both. So she was in pain and he worried she wouldn’t ask for help.   
“She’s so lost, Linc. You don’t even know….” Her voice wavered. “I’m scared that I won’t be able to help her.”  
“You can’t save everyone.” He tried to reassure her.  
“Isn’t that the point?!” She replied angrily as she wiped at her face, and tried to fight the tears that rebelliously fell. “I yelled at her and said things….I blamed her because she couldn’t save everyone. I held her to this impossible standard. She tried to save everyone and did her best to do it. And I don’t even know how to save one person.”  
“I’m sure she understands that you didn’t mean the things you said to her.”  
“You don’t get it. I said some awful things. Things I wish I could take back now. But even at my worst….she hates herself more. She….” She was full on crying now, and didn’t bother to hide it. She let Lincoln hold her again. “She’s so obsessed with death, Lincoln. I think she has forgotten how to live….or worse.” She let out a strangled breath. “I think she doesn’t want to live.”  
He held her tighter than he ever had. “Then remind her what it’s like.”  
“How?”  
“You’re Octavia, of the Sky People.” He said with pride, and spoke in his native tongue. When he felt her smile against his chest, he knew he had said the right thing. “You can do anything.”

XXXXXXX

Octavia gathered more supplies before making her way back to Clarke, just as she promised. Today wasn’t about fulfilling obligations, or searching for Lincoln. Today was simply about Clarke, her friend. She snuck out of their camp and was about ten paces into the woods when   
she heard movement behind her. She smoothly drew her sword from its sheath, and turned to face the intruder.   
“Dammit, Raven. I could’ve cut your head off.”  
“I made sure I wasn’t within striking distance.” Raven said with her trademark snark.  
“What’re you doing out here?”  
“Following you to see Clarke.” She stated matter-of-factly.  
“No.” Octavia shook her head and re-sheathed her weapon. “Not happening.”  
“I notice you when you return from seeing her. I can see by your reaction that she’s getting worse. She needs to know we want her back.”  
“You can’t ask her that, you can’t….she isn’t ready.”  
“Fine, I won’t. But she deserves better company than you.” The other girl smirked when Octavia’s mouth dropped open, but no retort came out. “Now, lead the way.”  
“Whatever.”  
They walked the rest of the way in silence. This time Clarke wasn’t there when they arrived. Octavia noticed that the area had already been cleaned. She quickly glanced at the trees, only to notice more names had been added. She frowned and looked around the area, while Raven walked to the trees.   
Raven read through the names, starting with the tree on the far left. She saw Finn’s name first, and tears stung at her eyes. She quickly blinked them away, before she kissed her fingers and placed them on his name.  
She quickly read through each of the names before she got to the ninth tree. Finn’s name appeared again and she looked at it in confusion. Then she read the rest of the names on that tree.   
Raven  
Octavia  
Mom  
Jasper

“I don’t get it.” She thought she had said it to herself, but suddenly Octavia’s voice spoke from behind her.  
“They are the names of all the dead people she feels responsible for.”   
“Not this tree.” Raven turned to face the other girl. “Our names are on it.”  
Octavia narrowed her eyes then walked passed Raven and looked at the tree. Sure enough, the other girl was right. Her name was etched in the tree right under Raven’s and Finn’s.   
“Finn’s on here twice.”  
“Three times actually.” Clarke said from the right of them. “That tree too.” She nodded toward the tree they hadn’t looked at yet.  
Octavia followed Clarke’s direction and read the remaining names on the last tree.  
Finn  
Murphy  
Lexa  
Clarke

“What is this, Clarke?” She asked when she turned around and faced the blonde. “Ran out of ways to torture yourself?”  
Clarke ignored the insult and walked to the tree Raven was still looking at. She ran her fingers across each of the names. “This list is of the people whose forgiveness I need.” She once again nodded at the other tree. “And that is a list of the people I need to forgive.”  
Octavia stomped over to Clarke, pushed her aside, and grabbed a knife from her boot. Then she crossed out her own name from the list. “Here, let me help you out. I already said I forgive you, Clarke.”  
Raven took the knife from Octavia and crossed off her own name and then Abby’s. “I forgave you a long time ago, when I realized that what you did for Finn was merciful. The Grounders would have….” She shook her head at the image, she didn’t want to dwell on that again. “And your mom loves you, she never stopped. She doesn’t hate you and there’s nothing to forgive.”  
Clarke said nothing.   
Octavia had enough silence so she said what had been on her mind since Clarke told them what these new names represented. “Why’d you make this list, Clarke?”  
“I can’t go back home until….it’s finished.”  
“But Finn….he’s….why do you need to forgive him? You killed him.” Raven admitted before she realized what she had said.  
“Good one, moron.” Octavia scoffed. Then her eyes focused on Clarke’s reaction, but there had been none.  
“I killed him. But I wouldn’t have had to if he didn’t do what he did. He….I had to because of him.” Clarke’s eyes went from cold and dead to heartbroken in seconds. “I killed him.” Her voice wavered. “I killed him and I can never tell him that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t love him. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save him. I’m just….sorry.”  
“You blame him and yet you hate that you had to kill him. How about you call it a draw.” Octavia said, then grabbed the knife from Raven and crossed out Finn’s name on both trees.   
“What will happen if you don’t forgive everyone on that list?” Raven asked honestly. “Will you really never come back home?”  
Clarke shrugged.  
“When you look at the grand scheme of things, what Murphy did and what Lexa did, it can’t really be compared. Even I already forgave that bastard.” Octavia stated as she cleaned her fingernails with her knife.  
“I wasn’t the kindest to him when he left. I may not hate the kid, but I might owe him an apology if I ever see him again.” Clarke admitted as she watched the knife move in Octavia’s hands.  
“Sounds like forgiveness to me.” The brunette smirked as she brought the knife to the tree and crossed off another name.  
Only three names remained, and Clarke knew that there wasn’t much they could say to get her to let them cross those names off her list.  
Octavia seemed to understand as much, so she closed her knife and shoved it back in her boot. Raven walked away from the trees and sat on the ground in the center of the campsite. Clarke followed and sat across from her. Octavia studied the remaining names on the last tree. Lexa. Clarke. She hated how much Clarke despised herself, but didn’t know what else to say. She hoped the items she brought would be a good start.  
“I brought some things.” She announced into the silence as she took the pack off her back and tossed it to the blonde. “Figured you and I could do a proper memorial for our lost friends. But then Raven crashed the party.”  
“If you were going to do a memorial, we should have asked the others to come.” Raven spoke until she saw the glare Octavia gave her. “Or not.”  
Clarke seemed to have ignored the comments because she had been rifling through the bag that Octavia brought her. A few candles, a lighter, a notebook filled with the same names Clarke had etched in the tree, more food, a blanket, and a radio.   
She held up the last item questionably. “I don’t want this.”  
“You don’t have to use it, but I wanted you to have the option. Even if you just listen in to check on your mom and stuff. You don’t have to let them know you’re listening.”  
Clarke nodded her thanks, then held the notebook out to her. “And this?”  
“I thought we could have a ceremony for them. Speak about them, burn their names, and say a proper goodbye. You know, to the Grounders, fire represents a cleansing. Rebirth sort of.”  
“Like a phoenix from the ashes.”  
Octavia grinned. “Exactly.”  
“Gone, but not forgotten. Honored properly for how they died.” Raven committed in a way that revealed her approval.  
Clarke wordlessly grabbed some firewood in preparation for their memorial. Raven placed candles strategically around the would-be fire and took the lighter so she could light them. Octavia, meanwhile, tore out the pages in the notebook. She waited for the others to finish their tasks before she distributed sheets to each of them.   
They stood beside each other, Clarke in the center. Each of the brunette’s held onto Clarke tightly, each taking a hand. The blonde squeezed their offered hands and then the three of them observed a moment of silence. Afterwards, Clarke started the service with her list of names. She briefly described her favorite story involving each of them. Octavia did the same for the Grounders and Raven, who didn’t know any of the people from Mount Weather, read Monty’s memories of them. When they had finished, they tossed the papers into the fire. As they watched them burn into ash, they said one last goodbye.   
It had been nearly ten minutes before Octavia spoke again. “Will you still be here tomorrow?”  
She knew that Clarke now would have nothing tethering her to this place. She could see it in the blonde’s clearer blue eyes; some healing had been done today. She knew that it was a long journey yet, but didn’t want Clarke to leave her. That was one of the reasons she brought the radio, so that if Clarke did leave, she would have a way to track her. She hated the deception, but she worried about her friend.  
“Or you could come back to the Ark now.” Raven stated. She missed the severity of the moment that passed between Octavia and Clarke.  
“I still have some names on my list.” Clarke stated as if it was an actual answer to either of their statements.  
They were enveloped in silence again. Clarke stepped out from between them both, hugging Raven first. Then Octavia.  
“Thank you.” She whispered into the younger girl’s ear, which caused Octavia to hold her fiercely.  
“This isn’t goodbye, right, Clarke?” Raven asked because it felt too final for her liking.  
Clarke stepped away from Octavia’s embrace, but kept hold of her hand. She looked at Raven, then back at the girl whose hand she held. “That’s up to you.”  
Octavia looked directly into Clarke’s eyes and made sure the girl was really listening to her. “I lived my whole life in isolation, and know how much it messes with your mind. I have nightmares myself after everything we’ve lost. I don’t come to visit out of obligation or pity, Clarke. As I said before, you’re my friend. I keep coming because I want to make sure that you know you’re not alone. That you don’t have to be.”  
Clarke nodded, let her hand fall from Octavia’s. Then she walked toward the fire and stared at the remnants of the ashes left behind. She looked at her friends again, specifically Octavia. “Then I guess I’ll see you again soon.”  
Octavia smiled wider than she had in days. Weeks even.   
Raven simply nodded in response. “And your Mom, what about her?”  
Clarke thought for a moment, then answered. “You don’t have to lie about seeing me. Tell her that I’m okay, if you want to.” Then she quickly amended. “Or that I will be.”   
Raven seemed to accept that answer. “I will.” She walked toward the discarded backpack and rifled through it until she found what she was looking for. She tossed the radio to Clarke. “And use this, some things are going on back home that you might want to know about.”  
Clarke looked at the radio with a raised eyebrow. “What’s happening? Octavia, what’s going on and why didn’t you tell me?”  
The glare Octavia threw Raven made the other girl reconsider her announcement. But she continued anyway.  
“I made contact with other Sky People. They’ve been here the whole time, from another solar system apparently. They...Theloneous is with them. His City of Lights was a real place and he found it. We’re not alone here, Clarke.”  
She paused to let the significance of her statement sink in. Clarke looked to Octavia for confirmation and received only a small nod in return.  
“Wow.” Clarke couldn’t think of anything else to say.  
“You don’t have to do anything, or even respond. Just know….you have options. We all have options.” Raven stated with finality before she decided it was best to leave it at that.  
Octavia was grateful that Raven didn’t push and that the girl actually decided to shut up. She quickly hugged Clarke, promised to see her the next day, then grabbed Raven’s wrist and drug the other girl away.  
When they were out of sight of the blonde, Octavia smacked Raven upside the head. “You almost ruined everything.”  
“I know. Sorry.”  
Octavia grumbled something incoherently, then stalked off ahead of Raven. She left the other girl to follow in her wake.  
It was close to dark when they snuck behind the gates and were startled when they came face to face with Abby. They held their breaths and looked at each other with wide eyes. Abby took in their appearance and her stern face softened.  
“How is she?”  
Octavia’s mouth opened as if to answer, or maybe deny it. But nothing came out.  
“Everybody knows that you sneak off to see her. I let you go, because I need to know that at least someone is making sure my daughter is okay. She is okay, isn’t she?”  
Octavia had the sense to at least look embarrassed and a bit remorseful. Raven was the one who answered though.  
“She’s….she’ll be okay.”  
Abby nodded sadly. “Is she…..is she still our Clarke?”  
The way she stuttered through the question with hesitation and fear made Octavia stand a little taller.   
She straightened her back, tightened her fists at her sides, and nodded resolutely. “She’s still our Clarke, Abby. She’s just a little….she’s getting there. You know?”  
Abby hugged her gratefully, and nearly crushed her body. Then she released her just as quickly and looked to Raven. “We made contact again, with President Roslin.”  
“Any new developments?”  
Octavia took that as her cue to leave. Raven fell in step with Abby and listened to the latest news.

XXXXXXXXX

“I thought you’d take the news better, Bill.” President Roslin stated to her closest friend, Admiral Adama. “We’re not alone here, and there’s...there’s children. Or at least teenagers. Mankind will go on long after we’re gone. We did it.”  
“They did it. They did what we couldn’t do.” He said as he sat the radio on the conference table. “We’ve been listening to them for over a week now, and we still know nothing,”  
“We know that we aren’t the only survivors, and that they want peace just as much as we do.”  
“The first humans we came into contact with, upon landing on Earth, tried to eat us. They were basically cannibals.”  
“Reapers. Raven said that they were created by the men at Mount Weather.”  
“I understand that. Men made cannibals to defeat their enemies. We came all this way, we lost so many good people. All that we went through, for what? To find out that fighting the Cylons was nothing compared to fighting ourselves? We came to Earth and vowed to start over, to be better than we were. But we can’t say the same for them.”  
“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”  
“Madam President?”  
“I’ve been studying up on some of my predecessors, some of the great Presidents who led the United States before Earth was destroyed.”  
Admiral Adama nodded. “I have read the same books, and unless I’m mistaken, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated.”  
“Bill…” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose after she removed her glasses. “If we learned anything from our fight against the Cylons, it was that not all of them were evil, soulless machines. And not all humans were the good guys. We all made choices we had to live with. We all have a little bad in us. And the people we’ve talked to so far, they’re good people. ”  
“With all due respect, Madam President, you’ve been talking to their so-called Chancellor, but we all know that she wasn’t the one who made the decisions. She didn’t fight the war. She isn’t their   
leader.”  
“I agree with Admiral Adama.” The third person in the room finally spoke up. “Dad’s right, Madam President.”  
“Captain, are you saying that we shouldn’t invite them to live here? Doesn’t that make us as bad as some of the so-called Mountain Men? We believe that our people deserve better than theirs? That they are expendable?”  
“That’s not what we’re saying.” “It does make one wonder, what kind of people leave the hard decisions to children? I don’t agree with much that they have done, but I think we should talk to their leader before any further decisions are made. And Clarke is clearly their leader, whether I agree with it or not.”  
“Clarke may not come back.” President Roslin stated simply. “You want to rest the fate of what is left of their people on a young girl who is still struggling? Isn’t that a lot to put on an already fragile girl.”  
Admiral Adama paced the room before he looked at the woman again. “I don’t think you’re giving that girl enough credit.” He stood tall and spoke with certainty. “She may be young and she may be struggling right now. But she’s twice the soldier that most of our people ever were. And the war she had to wage was nearly as difficult as the one we experienced. She was betrayed by people she trusted, just like we were. She was forced to make alliances with her enemy, like we did. She had to sacrifice her own people, like we have done. And she survived it, unlike Starbuck and the Colonel and every other great soldier we lost. We trust Cylons now, we never thought we would. Some of them were more human than some of us. I think we wait it out, and that we don’t invite them with us until we speak to Clarke.”  
“Are you really prepared to have me tell them that we won’t accept them to join us without Clarke?”  
“I think that until Clarke is ready to lead again, they will not follow anyway.” Admiral Adama stated to which his son nodded in agreement.   
President Roslin couldn’t argue with that. She always valued his opinion, and she could tell by the way they both spoke that it wasn’t something they would be open to negotiate.

XXXXXX

“Are you telling me that you won’t accept any of us until you talk to Clarke?” Abby spoke harshly into the radio. “You would turn your back on your own kind?”  
“With all due respect, you are not our kind. We share a common humanity, but we do not owe you anything.” President Roslin sounded more detached than the way she usually spoke with them.  
“I don’t understand why you need to talk to my daughter when I told you that I’m the acting Chancellor.”  
“You also said that you were going to have elections, because you wanted to step down.”  
“I said that one person shouldn’t have sole control over all people. One person shouldn’t shoulder the responsibility, or the blame, for decisions made to save her people.”  
“Are you talking about me or your daughter, Chancellor?” Roslin replied.  
Abby tossed the radio on the table in frustration. As Abby paced back and forth, Raven took a   
chance and grabbed the radio.  
“Clarke, if you’re there….please….help.” She begged in a way she wished she didn’t have to.  
There was silence before a man’s voice came on the line.  
“Raven, this is Admiral Adama. Were you trying to contact Clarke? Have you been in contact with her?”  
Raven looked toward Abby in panic, but the older woman nodded for her to answer.  
“She has a radio, we gave her one yesterday. Me and Octavia.”  
“Octavia. The Grounder?” Another male voice replied.  
“Sort of, yes. Clarke has a radio.” Raven told the unknown voice. “And who are you?”  
“Captain Adama, but you can call me Apollo.”  
“So you see, Chancellor. I’m not alone in my decision-making, nor do I alone shoulder all the blame.” Roslin spoke again.  
“Why do you need to talk to me?” Clarke’s voice came over the radio. It was buzzing with static, but her voice was clear enough to hear.  
“Clarke?!” Abby rushed toward the radio and held it close to her ear. She tried to be as close as she could get to her daughter.  
“Hi, mom.”  
“Hello, Clarke. We’ve heard a lot about you. And we are proud to meet you, so to speak.”  
“Thank you, Madam President. Now answer my question.”  
A chuckle rippled across the radio. “I like her.” Captain Adama replied.  
Raven smiled.  
Octavia burst through the door, Bellamy and Lincoln in tow. She held the radio tightly in her hand, staring at Raven in awe. The other girl smirked back with pride as if saying, ‘told you so.’ Octavia rolled her eyes and reverted her attention back to the radio in her hand.  
“This is Admiral Adama speaking, Clarke, and I’m wondering if I could speak frankly with you.”  
“I wish you would.” Was the answer he received.  
“We all know you and Bellamy are the true leaders of your people.”  
“Then why do you need me, Bellamy is still there.”  
“The way your people speak of you. We’ve decided that we will make no decisions on our side, until we spoke to you. Your people won’t follow anyone else. Whether you want to admit it or not.”   
Silence filled the room.   
“I’m not that person anymore.” Clarke stated quietly.  
“You were in a horrible situation. As kids being forced to fight a war.”  
“If you’re going to patronize me for my age....for the decisions I made…” Clarke cut in, but was interrupted herself.  
“You misunderstand me, Ms. Griffin. I was a trained soldier, as is my son. And the Grounders I’ve heard about seemed to have been raised from birth the same way. But you were not. However, never mistake our willingness to kill for warlust. We fight so that perhaps our children won’t have to.”  
“I know that you don’t enjoy the kill. I can appreciate that sentiment. But...your son, he is a soldier as well?”  
She left the sentence off as if asking a question and the Admiral took it as such.  
“Some sons and daughters think they will make their parents proud by following in their   
footsteps. In all honesty, we want a better life for them than the one we had.”  
“And some sons and daughters will do whatever they can to make their parents proud. Because they mistake pride for love.”   
Clarke’s voice was warmer than it had been in awhile which made Octavia walk over to Abby and give her a one-armed hug.   
“I see why your people followed you.” President Roslin’s voice spoke with pride.  
“I never asked them to.”  
“And you don’t have to.” The President added.  
Clarke didn’t buy it, if the silence that followed was any indication.  
“President Roslin was never elected as our President. I know you don’t know our history, but she had been what like tenth in line of succession. I don’t even recall at the moment. But she was far from what you would consider a leader, when we asked that of her. She made all kinds of mistakes, she seemed to make all the wrong decisions at first.”  
“I resent that, Admiral.” There had been a sense of humor in her comment.  
“But we didn’t expect anything more of her than that she tried her best to save us all.” He finished.  
“And we lost a lot of people we cared about along the way.” Captain Adama added.  
“Some people lead by example, others lead by force. I’m sure you know which one is you.” The Admiral stated.  
“Leaders get respected, admired, and oftentimes blamed. But can they ever just be seen as an equal? As a human being capable of mistakes?”  
“That’s the way of life, Clarke. We, as leaders, fight for equality of all people, even though we will never see that same kind of freedom. It is the last and greatest of the sacrifices you will be asked to make.” President Roslin answered her with regret and sincerity.  
“That sounds lonely.” Octavia muttered then quickly covered her mouth.  
“You won’t be alone, all leaders feel that way.” Admiral Adama answered the new voice without asking who had spoken the words.  
“So the only ones who will truly understand me are those just as damaged?” Clarke replied with dread.  
“Is that how you see yourself? Damaged?” Abby asked her daughter, concern evident in her tone.  
“I don’t know, I haven’t been able to look at myself for a long time.” Clarke admitted quietly.  
“Perhaps it’s time you take a look, you may realize that you no longer hate what you see.” The Admiral replied with admiration.  
“Thank you.” Clarke answered.  
“And thank you.”   
“We will continue our negotiations at another time, Chancellor. Clarke, thank you for speaking with us.” President Roslin told them before disconnecting the radio conference.  
“Clarke, baby. Please come home. You don’t have to do this.” Abby begged her daughter.  
“I love you, Mom.” Was Clarke’s response. “And Octavia?”  
“Yeah?” Octavia winced when her voice came out with a croak.  
“Don’t bother visiting anymore.”   
The radios in Octavia’s and Abby’s hands descended into static. They stood motionless for a   
few minutes, so Raven grabbed the radios from them and turned them off.  
“At least she was listening to us. That means something. That means she was checking in. That she still cares.” Raven tried to be positive.  
“Why didn’t you tell me how bad she really was, O?” Bellamy asked harshly.  
Lincoln stepped between the siblings, placing a hand on Bellamy’s chest. “Don’t.”  
“Believe it or not, she’s getting better.” Octavia announced to the room, which only made Abby sob loudly and Bellamy huff petulantly before he stormed out of the room.  
“All in all, that went better than expected.” Raven stated quietly, and Lincoln nodded at her for support.  
“Me and my big mouth. What if she leaves her camp now? What if she doesn’t talk to me anymore? What if I made things worse?”  
Abby wanted to comfort the younger girl, but part of her was asking the same questions. So instead, she walked out of the room in silence and in tears.  
“She just heard a lot of things that she now has to think about. She knows you care about her, Octavia. She won’t shut you out completely. She needs you as much as you need her.”  
Octavia looked at Lincoln closely and wondered how he always seemed to understand her. How he knew her so well. She shook the thought from her mind, because the truth was that Clarke knew her better. Somehow, Clarke knew things she didn’t know about herself. Clarke knew that she needed closure which is why she asked her for the names of the Grounders. Why she asked for stories about them. She gave Octavia the opportunity to honor them in her own way.  
Clarke knew that she needed to find Lincoln, so she told her where he would be. Even through her own pain, Clarke had helped Octavia.   
Clarke knew Octavia couldn’t survive without Bellamy, that’s why she did what she did and let the missiles kill people. Clarke knew that Octavia wouldn’t leave Mount Weather without Bellamy, so she went after her and made the fateful decision that still haunted her. She might not have done those things just for Octavia, but she did do them. And Octavia was the one who benefitted while Clarke was the one who suffered.  
Octavia stepped away from Lincoln without a word and walked out of the room. She needed to be alone for a while, because she had to think of something that would help Clarke. Even if she couldn’t take credit for it, and even if it blew up in her face in the end.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning, Bellamy woke Octavia up earlier than she had planned on getting out of bed. She had no need to hurry around today, because she wasn’t going to see Clarke. But apparently, her brother had different plans.  
“O, come on already.” He pleaded from outside the tent.   
Lincoln was already up and out of the tent, so Octavia rolled over in her sleeping bag with a moan and incoherently announced something that sounded similar to “come in.”  
At least, that’s what Bellamy must have heard, because that’s what he did.  
“You’re still asleep? Aren’t you usually on your way by now?”  
Octavia put her arm over her eyes, and sheltered herself from her brother’s watchful gaze. Then she groaned. “She told me not to go. Remember?”  
He kicked at her side playfully. “And since when did you ever do what anyone told you to do?”  
She shoved his leg away and turned to face away from him. “Since today.”  
Bellamy tugged her sleeping bag away from her as he continued the conversation. “Well, she didn’t tell me I couldn’t go….and you’re the one who knows where she is. So, you’re going with me.”  
“Raven knows too.”  
“I’m not asking Raven, I’m asking you.”  
“Actually, you’re not asking me either. You’re telling me. And it’s not working.”  
“I’m about to show Clarke some tough love and things may get messy. Do you really just want it to be me and Raven out there with her?”  
Octavia sighed loudly, because ‘no’ she didn’t want that to be the case. Bellamy could be an ass. Case in point, right now. Plus, Clarke was stubborn to a fault sometimes, and the two didn’t always get along on the best of days.   
Octavia crawled the rest of her way out of the sleeping bag, made a quick swipe of her legs to take Bellamy’s legs out from under him. He fell hard on the ground with an “oomph” and she smirked in satisfaction.  
“I hate you.” Bellamy stated as he stood up and glared at her before he walked out of the tent.  
“I hate you more!” She called after him.  
Fifteen minutes later, they were on their way to see Clarke. Octavia had been nervous about only a few things in her lifetime, but none of them she could remember. None, but this moment.   
“Clarke’s embarrassed knowing that you heard the conversation last night. That’s all.” Bellamy stated seemingly out of the blue.  
Octavia refused to acknowledge him.  
“I didn’t know how bad she was, but you do. And do you think that after several days of showing up and reminding her that you’re there, that you care….do you think it would be good for her to feel abandoned by you now?”  
“She told me to stay away.” Octavia spat out in annoyance at her brother.  
“And you told her a lot of things you didn’t really mean.”  
“It’s not the same thing.”  
Bellamy stopped walking and faced his sister. “She needs to know that she can be an ass to you and you still won’t leave her, because right now, she thinks she’s this awful person who deserves to be miserable and alone.”  
“Is that what you’re going to tell her?”  
“No, you’re the supportive one. I’m going there to let her know that she can’t keep pulling this shit just because she’s hurting. Because the truth is we’re all hurting, so maybe she has to start getting over herself.”  
“Bell! You can’t say that.” She slapped his arm.  
“It’s true though. She thinks she’s only punishing herself by staying away, but you saw her mom.”   
Octavia nodded because she couldn’t deny the fact that Abby probably hasn’t eaten much at all in the last few weeks.  
“Whatever.” Was what she replied with, then continued her trek to Clarke. “She probably already heard you anyway, she’s just on the other side of those trees.”  
“Shit.” Bellamy muttered, and appeared at least a little remorseful.  
When they walked through the trees and reached Clarke’s camp, sure enough the blonde was sitting on the ground watching them. Almost as if she had been waiting for them. She made no movement, however, to acknowledge their presence.   
Octavia took that as her cue, and remained silent. Bellamy nodded in Clarke’s direction sheepishly, then walked directly to the trees that he had forced Raven to tell him about that morning. He saw the list and it overwhelmed him. Had that many people really died? Was Clarke really dwelling on each of them?  
He scanned the names that had been crossed off of the other tree. The ones that Clarke sought forgiveness from. Only Jasper’s name remained. Finally he gazed at the other tree. Lexa. He hated that girl. If it wasn’t for her, Clarke would still be Clarke. He figured every story needed its villain though, even he used to be one. And Clarke had forgiven him.  
“Apart from Mass Murder and leaving the rest of us to die, what has Lexa done that’s so unforgivable?” He asked with a bitter snarkiness.  
But Clarke didn’t so much as blink at his glib question. His eyes found Octavia’s and his sister glared at him. That was actually the response he had hoped to receive from Clarke, he figured he’d have to try a little harder.  
“Is the betrayal worse because you had feelings for her?” He asked on a hunch.  
This time her eyes narrowed and her lips tightened into a firm line. His sister’s reaction was better though, her mouth dropped open in surprise.   
“Are you wondering if she ever cared about you, or if she simply used you to get what she wanted?”  
Clarke stood up and he hoped she would get in his face and yell at him. Tell him to shut up, or even punch him. All she did was walk past him without a word.  
“Real subtle jackass.” Octavia muttered before running off after Clarke. “Clarke, wait!”  
“Save your good and bad cop routine, Octavia. I heard what you guys said. I know what you’re trying to do.” Clarke sighed with frustration, but stopped walking.  
Octavia stood behind Clarke, silently begging the girl to face her. “I was going to honor your wishes and stay away. But what kind of friend would I have been if I left you alone with my brother?”  
Clarke turned around quickly and stepped into Octavia’s space. “He wouldn’t have known where to find me if you hadn’t led him here!”  
Octavia snapped her mouth shut, and automatically took a step away from Clarke.   
“No one gets it! They all think I’m too hard on myself, that I’m going crazy. And maybe I am. But you….you don’t understand.”  
Her last words came out barely above a whisper, and Octavia stepped closer again.   
“Then make me understand.”  
Clarke’s eyes bore into hers, but she held the other girl’s gaze. When Clarke did speak, her voice sounded as if she was pleading with Octavia to understand.  
“You hate Lexa as much as Bellamy does, don’t you?” She waited for the brunette to nod slowly. “You despise her for all the things she did to ensure her people’s survival. You won’t forgive her, because she chose their lives over ours. Over yours. Right?”  
Octavia nodded again. “She made us feel like we were her pawns and that she used us as a sacrifice to save herself.”  
Clarke nodded at the other girl’s response. “She was an outsider, and she met nothing to you. She did those things for her people and you hate her for being so cold-hearted.” Clarke reached out and touched Octavia’s shoulder with her hand, then she leaned close to her and whispered. “I did the same things. I sacrificed people and I almost let you die to save Bellamy, to save myself. I did the very same things. But I was your friend. How can I expect you to forgive me if you refuse to forgive her?”  
Octavia’s eyes watered as she really heard what Clarke was telling her. She finally understood where Clarke was coming from. “You don’t believe that we’ve actually forgiven you? You think I look at you and I see her.”  
In an instant, Clarke’s hand was off her shoulder and she backed away. Octavia missed the contact.   
“Take Bellamy and go back home.” Clarke’s voice was steady and held no emotion.  
“I will.” Octavia raised her voice and held it as steady as she could, though hers was thick with emotion. “But I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
She grabbed Bellamy and drug him away, her mind traveled too quickly to fully process this new development.   
Clarke walked back to her camp and sat in stunned silence. She hadn’t planned on telling Octavia those things; she hadn’t planned on telling anyone. And she certainly hadn’t planned on letting the stupid things Bellamy said affect her the way they had.   
Hours passed, but Clarke had yet to move from her position. When it started to get cold as the sun went down, she was forced to make a fire. She readied herself for bed and lay with her eyes closed trying to make sense of the day.

XXXXXXX

Lexa waited as she usually did, for Clarke to fall asleep, and then she walked through the girl’s camp. She traced her fingers along her name like she had the night before. She would do anything to make the girl understand, to let her know that the words Bellamy said today were not true. She never intended to use Clarke. Clarke hadn’t been a pawn to her.   
When she turned around to watch the other girl sleep, she was startled to find Clarke watching her instead.  
“I thought you were sleeping.” She whispered to the girl. Her voice thick with all the words she wanted to, but couldn’t, say.  
“I wasn’t.”  
Lexa kept a respectable distance between herself and Clarke, as if the blonde was a frightened animal who may attack if approached. She smiled to herself, that would actually be a welcomed sight. Because that would mean that her Clarke was back, and not this shell of the girl she loved.   
She quickly chastised herself for using such a word. How was a girl like herself supposed to understand the meaning of love after what she had done?  
“Clarke…”  
“You don’t get to do this, Lexa. You don’t get to come here and act all sad and remorseful, and expect me to feel sorry for you.”  
Lexa said the first words that came to her mind. “Bellamy was wrong.”  
Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she sat up and studied her. “You were listening? How long have you been listening? How often have you been out here?”  
Lexa dropped to her knees and looked at Clarke with sincerity. “Every day.”  
Clarke’s blue eyes lit up with a ferocity Lexa hadn’t seen in weeks. But the blonde held her tongue, swallowing whatever iyre was swelling inside of her. Lexa prayed, and not for the first time, that she could know what Clarke was thinking. She longed to know what it was that Clarke refused to show the world. To show her.  
“He implied that I didn’t care about you, that I used you to win this war. But that’s not true.”  
“How can you say that to me? You left me to die.”  
“No. I wanted you to come with me, though I knew you wouldn’t. But I always intended for us both to survive this war.”  
Clarke’s eyes searched hers for the truth. And when she finally found it, she spoke regrettably. “Don’t you see that it’s worse. That if you could so easily betray me, even though you cared...don’t you see how much worse that is?”  
“It wasn’t an easy decision, Clarke. I told you I decided with my head, not my heart.”  
And then Clarke was upon her, she pinned her to the ground as she gritted her teeth. “And that’s just it. When you let someone you care about, people you love die so that you can live...that is the worst betrayal of all. Not to them, but to yourself.”  
Lexa’s breathing went ragged as Clarke hovered so close to her, because she knew that their hearts had never been further away from each other. And hers thumped loudly in her chest, knowing that Clarke was truly lost to her.  
“I don’t hate you for what you did to me, Lexa. I hate you for what you made me become.” And with that Clarke was off her. She stood up with her back turned away from Lexa. “And I don’t know how to forgive either of us, because we did what we could to survive and lost everything we cared about in the process.”  
Lexa watched the steady rise and fall of Clarke’s body as she breathed heavily. She knew the girl was doing her best to keep her composure, to not break down in front of her. But perhaps, that’s what Clarke needed. Maybe what Clarke needed was for someone to tell her that it was okay to cry.  
“Then mourn not for the people we’ve both lost. But mourn for the innocence that we never had. We’ve been around death our whole lives, we’ve fought to live our whole lives. And now that the war is done....neither of us know what to do. No one taught us beyond such things as survival. We are young Clarke, but have both seen too much. If you’re going to cry at all, cry for everything you have lost. Not just the people. Think of love, and happiness, and peace. Of your sanity, or your friendships. You lost your home on the Ark and you are without a home here. You lost so much more than just these names on your trees. So let yourself weep for it all. And then pick yourself up, and let yourself live.”  
As Lexa spoke, she had made her way closer to the girl and she saw Clarke shake with the weight of everything she had said. Lexa was able to catch Clarke before she collapsed onto the ground, and she continued to hold her as she sobbed in anguish.   
When the blonde regained her senses, she wiped the tears from her eyes but stayed in Lexa’s embrace. She spoke into the other girl’s neck, never moving from her position.  
“Is that what you did?”  
Lexa shook her head, and pulled Clarke as close to her as she could. “I think of the things I have gained, not lost. I know you think I’m a bad person, Clarke, and I understand that you may never forgive me. That is my burden, and I will live with it. But I am a better person because I knew you, and I will treasure that always.”  
They sat together in the solace of the woods, letting the warmth of the fire consume their souls. When the fire died down and the sun started to appear on the horizon, Lexa regrettably knew she had to leave. She untangled herself from Clarke’s grasp, and whispered reverently to her love.  
“I will not bother you any more, Clarke. I will always think fondly of you, and pray that you someday will forgive me...if only so that you can forgive yourself.”  
Clarke watched as Lexa dismissed herself, but did nothing to acknowledge just how deeply she had taken the other girl’s words to heart.  
Clarke gathered her up items and proceeded to get ready for her daily routine. She knew she would probably take a nap sometime this afternoon. It wasn’t like she had ever gotten too much sleep, even when she tried, because her nightmares kept her from feeling well rested. But last night, she hadn’t gotten any sleep at all. She felt at ease, oddly enough, in Lexa’s arms. And she was emotionally exhausted enough to have fallen asleep, yet somehow she stayed awake all night. She replayed Bellamy’s words, and Octavia’s, and lastly, she replayed Lexa’s. She thought about the things that Admiral Adama had said to her, and how Raven and Octavia had said that they had forgiven her. And she thought about her mom, and how much she missed her.  
Her thoughts went from one topic to another, as she digested everything that had happened over the last few months and what it all meant. She was so lost in her thoughts, that Octavia’s presence actually made her jump.  
“You look like shit. Did you sleep at all?”  
Clarke glared at her, shook her head, and then rummaged through the food Octavia just handed her.  
Octavia had been prepared to sit through a wordless day with Clarke, in fact, she had a plan for how to occupy herself. Without preamble, she walked across the camp and to some trees directly opposite of the ones Clarke had carved into. She pulled out a knife and began her long and tedious task.   
Octavia  
Bellamy  
Lincoln  
Abby  
Raven  
Jasper  
Monty  
Kane  
She fit as many names as she could on one tree before moving to another. She only stopped to wipe sweat off her brow, and to grab the notebook paper she had in her pocket. Octavia knew Clarke was watching her, but made no show of noticing it. She just kept to her task.  
236 names and 8 trees later, the sun was high in the sky and Octavia was exhausted. She had planned to do this the day she did the memorial ritual with Clarke, but Raven had ruined her plans. Octavia’s hope had been to say goodbye and let go of those they had lost, and then   
immediately remind Clarke of all the people who were still alive because of her. To have the other girl start to focus on the living, and not the dead.  
She folded up the paper she had used as well as her knife and stowed them both away. Then she grabbed some food and water from her pack, and plopped down wordlessly next to Clarke. She also planned to wait the other girl out. She would come back each day, and wouldn’t speak until Clarke spoke to her (Except for that comment she made this morning, but she had been caught off guard with Clarke’s worse for the wear demeanor). Octavia made a quick mental note to pack extra food tomorrow, and another blanket. And some extra matches. And maybe some clothes, because Clarke definitely needed to change hers.   
She finished her food and glanced over to see that Clarke had fallen asleep sitting up. She laid the girl down, covered her up, and built a fire for her. Then she even surprised herself by kissing the girl’s temple and promised her that she’d see her again the next day.

XXXXXXXX

Octavia didn’t know how much longer she could take Clarke’s silence. The second day was dreadful because she didn’t have a task to keep her occuppied. The third day, Lincoln joined her and the three of them sat wordlessly for three hours. Then after that, Monty went with her and did the same.  
The day after that, she dragged Raven with her, and the day after that she allowed Bellamy to tag along. Both of them had been bad decisions on her part, because neither shared her intention to remain silent. They droned on with annoyance and Octavia found herself sharing looks with Clarke that let her know she wasn’t alone in her thoughts of gagging them.   
It was those small moments, missed by the idiots who wouldn’t stop talking, that she found herself enjoying. Those moments when she believed that she saw bits and pieces of the old Clarke. Of her Clarke. And it was somewhere between Raven talking about the stalled negotiations with the President and Bellamy’s diatribe about things that Octavia didn’t even care to remember or acknowledge, that she made the decision to start visiting Clarke alone again.  
And so she did the next day.  
“You never brought my mom.” Clarke said as soon as Octavia was within hearing distance.  
“I thought it’d be too hard on both of you. She would beg you to come home and you’d break her heart because you’re not ready yet.”  
“Yet.” Clarke repeated, and Octavia let her leave it at that.  
They ate breakfast together, in a companionable silence. Octavia had actually started to enjoy the serenity of the woods and the company she had in Clarke. It felt familiar in the best way.  
“I never thanked you.” Clarke said matter-of-factly, as if Octavia instinctively knew what she had been thanked for.  
“I...you’re welcome?”  
Clarke actually laughed, though it was without humor. “The trees. I know what you did and what it means. It took me awhile to figure it out, but I got it.”  
Octavia raised an eyebrow as if to tease her. “You got it, huh?”  
Clarke’s eyes wandered over to the trees in question. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I added a name.”  
Octavia’s eyes snapped to the trees, scanning each of them until she found the name that she hadn’t written. It was Clarke’s own name.  
“You listed the people that were still alive. And I am, so…”  
Octavia shook her head. “Not just alive Clarke, alive because of you. You were dwelling on all the people you couldn’t save and I wanted to remind you of all the ones you already did save.”  
Clarke kicked at the dirt with her shoe. She avoided eye contact with Octavia as she spoke. “Lexa came here.”  
“What?!” Octavia’s voice raised a few octaves as she crawled closer to Clarke and dunked down to meet the other girl’s eyes. “When?”  
“A few days ago. After you and Bellamy were here the first time.”  
Octavia had no words. She had so many questions, but didn’t dare voice them. Didn’t know how.   
“She said it was okay to cry. To mourn all that was lost, but to get up and move on afterwards.”  
“Easier said than done.” Octavia muttered.  
“She said that I made her better. A better person.”  
“If that’s true, I’d hate to have known her before she met you.” Octavia mumbled and was startled when Clarke hit her. “That hurt.”  
“Don’t you remember what I said to you?”  
Octavia looked properly reprimanded. “Of course I do. And I also think it’s bullshit. You can’t tell me how I feel. You don’t get to do that.”  
This time Clarke looked like she had been scolded, and rightly so.  
“I do forgive you. So does Raven, and my brother, and your mom. Hell, I’m sure that if the whole Ark knew what you had done to save us....they would be grateful to you. Not hate you. So go ahead and play a martyr. Hate yourself for whatever you feel you deserve to be punished for. But don’t you dare hide behind the lie that we can’t forgive you.”  
This time, Octavia left before Clarke could tell her to. She stormed through the woods, angrier that she’d been in awhile. But also, content. Clarke had spoken to her again. Clarke was closer to being Clarke again. And she just came up with an idea that just might help push her the rest of the way there.  
She walked into their encampment, straight into Raven’s workshop and interrupted whatever it was that passed for negotiations.   
“Octavia! What are you doing? Is Clarke okay?” Abby asked, immediately distracted from the conversation that had been taking place.  
“Clarke’s fine, and she’ll be better. I have an idea. It’s more important than whatever this is, anyway.” She grabbed the radio from Abby’s hand and told her sternly.  
“We’ll be in touch.” Came the distorted voice from the other side of the radio.  
Raven, Kane, and Abby followed Octavia out of the room and into the center of their camp. “Make sure everyone gets out here, now.” Octavia ordered, and with the certainty of her tone they were quick to listen.  
Within ten minutes, she was surrounded by the survivors and last remaining people of their kind.  
“I know you’ve all been concerned about Clarke, I’ve heard your whispers.” She began with a raised voice, so everyone could hear her. “Most of you have heard enough to understand what’s been going on. You know that despite us having elected Chancellors and council members, that it was Clarke who won this war for us. Now I would like to tell you what it cost her.”  
And she told them everything. She spared no detail. She talked about Clarke being aware of the missile and how she had done it to protect the sanctity of the mission. She told them of the brutal treatment of the Mountain Men, yet how many of them had tried to help their cause when they had learned about the experimentation. She told them about Maya, and felt bad when she saw Jasper drop his head in grief. She told them about how Clarke killed Finn, the boy she loved, to save him from torture. She didn’t sugarcoat any of it. But she also shared with them Clarke’s side of each decision and her reaction to each loss. She told them about the trees with the names of the lost, but not forgotten. She told them of Clarke’s sleepless nights and her nightmares. About how Clarke admitted to seeing and talking to the dead. She told them everything. Good and bad. Making sure not to make Clarke hero or villain.   
She just wanted to show them that Clarke was human. She made mistakes and suffered the consequences of them. She wanted them to not put Clarke, their fearless leader, up on some undeserved pedestal. She wanted to remind them that she had been a criminal, and a kid, by all standards of importance. When she saw the sorrow is many people’s eyes, the anguish in the eyes of those closest to Clarke, and the regret in Jasper’s eyes, she knew she had accomplished what she had set out to do.  
“Why are you telling us all of this now?” Jasper sounded torn between conflicting emotions.  
“Because, if Clarke ever does come back here….I know as well as many of you that she will demand to be put on trial for what she perceives to see as war crimes.” She saw a few nods and took that as her cue to continue. “So let this be her trial. Show of hands for those who feel she is guilty and should stay in exile.”  
She was relieved to see no hands were raised. She hoped as much, but needed to be sure, for Clarke’s sake.  
“Okay, and show of hands for those who will accept her with open arms if she chooses to come back?”  
She raised her own hand and all others followed. “Thank you for your time. You are dismissed.”  
She remained standing where she was, and watched as most people dispersed.   
“We had been planning on holding elections today, when you got back. To choose those who will represent us and go to The City of Lights to plead our case in person.” Kane spoke because it seemed Abby was still too stunned to do so.  
“They’re still holding out on any decisions because of Clarke, huh?” Octavia figured as much, but wanted confirmation.  
“They’ll let us go, but none of us really want to leave Clarke alone....not with the way she is.”  
“I would stay, you know that.”  
“You shouldn’t have to. And neither should she.”  
Kane took Abby’s arm and guided her away. Octavia felt a pang of guilt for laying it out so harshly with Clarke’s mom present, but knew it had to be done.   
“I’m going with you to see her tomorrow.” Jasper told her and walked away.  
Octavia was left with just Raven, Bellamy and Lincoln. None of the three seemed to know what to say to her.   
“You know she would have demanded a trial.” Octavia defended herself.  
Bellamy’s gaze softened as he looked at his sister. “You have to accept the fact that she might never come back, O.”  
“She talked to me today. She’s getting better. You don’t see it, because you aren’t out there everyday, but I know her. Bellamy. I always have. You know that’s true.”  
“I know.” Lincoln said instead. “Clarke’s hurting, but she is not lost. I know, Octavia.”  
She smiled at him and left the three of them alone. 

XXXXXX

The next day, she let Jasper accompany her to see Clarke. She knew this reunion was long overdue, and hoped that it went as well as she needed it to.   
Clarke was surprised to see Jasper walk out from behind Octavia. She was on her way to hug the other girl in greeting, but faltered in her steps and stared at the boy she hadn’t seen in nearly two months.  
Jasper waved to her sheepishly. Then he walked around and looked at the trees he had only just heard about yesterday. Seeing the names and knowing their meaning hurt him in a way he hadn’t expected. He had been so consumed with his grief that he hadn’t realized that Clarke, too, had been grieving.  
He traced Maya’s name as it was carefully etched into the tree. He let himself smile knowing that Clarke remembered her, that she had cared enough to write her name right under Finn’s. Perhaps it meant that she had regretted her death nearly as much. He berated himself for wishing that kind of regret on his friend. He didn’t want Clarke to suffer anymore. He didn’t want anyone to have to suffer anymore. They had already lost so much, why continue to dwell on things they couldn’t change?  
He pulled a knife from his pocket, walked over to the tree with his name on it and made several strokes in the bark, until his name was properly crossed off.  
“Jasper….I’m so sorry.” Clarke whispered, her eyes were glassy with unshed tears.  
He turned toward her.  
“How can they have hated us so much? How can you hate people you don’t even know...who have done nothing to you?” His tone let his companions know that he had spoken rhetorically. “Experiments. Cages. Torture. They sought us out to execute us. They made the reapers. How can people be so focused on hatred...on survival...that they…”  
Silence enveloped them. He leaned his back against the tree and slid down until he sat on the ground and then he was overtaken with sobs.   
“Good people died. And good people had to kill. Why? I don’t understand….”  
Clarke was the first to move to his side, Octavia quickly sat on the other side and both girls held him between them.   
“Why did we survive? Why us?” He lost it completely after that.  
Octavia tried to think of something to say that would help him feel better, but it was Clarke who spoke instead.  
“Every night before bed, I ask myself the same question. Better people than me have died, so why was I the one who lived?”  
Jasper turned his face and it fell into the crook of her neck, she was instantly wet with his tears. Some of her own slid down her cheeks and into his messy brown hair.   
“You lived, Clarke, so you could lead our people to the City of Lights. So we can finally have a   
true home, and...maybe some peace.” Jasper’s lips tickled her neck as he spoke.  
Octavia watched Clarke stiffen at his words. “I’m not your leader anymore, Jasper. You guys can go without me.”  
“But they won’t. No one will.” He told her, then he sat up. “Maya said that no one was innocent. She didn’t blame you Clarke, and I’m sorry that I did.” He wiped at his eyes and studied Clarke intently. “Octavia told us everything. All of us. We had a trial for you. About whether or not we found you guilty for all that you have done. And everyone voted for you to come home.”  
Clarke looked toward Octavia in surprise, then shook her head. “But I am guilty. Whether everyone chooses to overlook the things I’ve done and accept me back or not...it doesn’t change the fact that I have done those things.”  
Octavia was getting really sick of Clarke’s stubbornness and her need to wallow in her self-made tomb.  
“It’s like that Admiral guy told you, whether you want to be our leader or not...you are. And there’s nothing you can do about it.” She said the last sentence almost tauntingly, as if to goad Clarke into a verbal sparring match.  
The blonde, as predicted, did not take the bait. But she also didn’t shut them out.  
“Does everyone want to go to the City of Lights?”   
Jasper nodded. “We held elections last night. First voting as a group whether we wanted to stay or go. And then we voted on who would represent us and go to the City of Lights to plead our case. We don’t want to get caught in a trap, or have to submit to their rule. We want a true peace.”  
“And?”  
“We no longer have a single Chancellor in charge of all our fates. Instead, we have a council that is meant to assist the President in matters that will affect us once we are fully recognized as citizens of the City.” Octavia explained.  
“Yeah, we voted on the people who best represented us. Who we knew would have our best interests at heart, and who we all would willingly follow.” Jasper added.  
“Spit it out guys. Who are your council members?”  
“Your mom, and Kane obviously.” Jasper said.  
“Obviously.”  
“And me, Bellamy, Lincoln, Jasper, and Raven.” Octavia stated after she shot a warning glare at Jasper.  
“Those are who I would have chosen. And who’s going to the City?” Clarke asked.  
“Bellamy, me and Kane.” Jasper answered.  
“You’re not going?” Clarke addressed Octavia, who only shrugged.  
“Raven said that negotiations have stalled. It’s because of me, isn’t it?” Clarke wondered.  
“Part of it is because we don’t want to leave you in case you do choose to come back and can’t find us.” Octavia admitted.  
“And the other part.”   
“They seem to hold you in such high regard that they don’t think we will integrate with them as easily if you’re not there to lead us.”   
Clarke thought about what Octavia just told her and had a solution of her own. “I’ll contact them tomorrow, and finish the negotiations so no one has to travel to the city until everyone goes. All   
you have to do is keep Mom out of the radio room.” Clarke looked directly at Octavia. “And you stay off the radio as well.”  
“Understood.”  
They sat together awkwardly until it was time for Octavia and Jasper to head back. As they got ready to leave, Jasper gave Clarke an impromptu hug. Clarke returned it gratefully.  
“I forgive you. And just so you know, I never hated you.” He told her, then released his hold on her.  
Octavia hugged her next. “See you tomorrow...after your...you know...negotiation talks or whatever.”  
Clarke held Octavia a little more tightly against herself and whispered in her ear. “Thanks for telling them the truth about me. I know you didn’t sugarcoat it or glaze over the bad parts.”  
“I knew you wouldn’t have expected anything less of me.”  
Clarke let her lips brush Octavia’s cheek softly as she placed a delicate kiss there. Then she pulled away, only slightly, and looked the girl in the eye. “You are always surprising me actually.”  
Octavia awkwardly pushed Clarke away from her and walked away, which left Jasper to jog in order to catch up with her.  
When they were almost to the Ark, Jasper finally said what he had been waiting to say.  
“Two things. First, why didn’t you tell Clarke that she was also elected to the council?”  
Octavia huffed, because it should have been obvious. “She’ll find out if she comes back, and if she doesn’t then what difference does it make?”  
“But she...she’s leading us. She just doesn’t realize it. She’s going to talk to the President, and everything will be worked out.”  
“Exactly. She’s just doing what she does best. She’s being Clarke.” Octavia smiled at the thought. Then absentmindedly asked, “What was the second thing?”  
“Oh, what’s going on between you and Clarke?”  
Octavia refused to admit that she blushed at the question. She also refused to answer the question at all. Instead, she quickened her pace and left Jasper behind.

XXXXXX

“President Roslin?” Clarke used her radio for the first time in days.  
“This is Gaius Baltar, I’m a...friend of the President. Who is this?”  
“Clarke.”  
“Clarke!” There was some noise and unintelligible chatter on the other end of radio.   
Then a new voice came on.  
“Clarke, Gaius went out to get the President and Adama. I’m Caprica Six.”  
“I understand that your people are stalling in their decision to help my people.” Clarke cut to the chase, hoping that this woman would be more candid with her that the President would undoubtedly be.  
“You have to understand, my people have been through a lot.”  
“As have mine.”  
“I understand. Roslin is being cautious because trusting the wrong people could put us all into extinction.”  
“I know that as well.”  
“We were happy to learn that mankind had survived, that we were not alone on this planet. And that you have children and young people with you. We only have one child and feared that we would not live past this generation.”  
“What good is condemning the next generation to our same fear and hatred? Should we not show them acceptance, compassion and hope?”  
“That’s exactly what we’re planning for with the arrival of you and your people.” President Roslin took the radio from Six’s hand and answered Clarke’s question.  
“And will you not allow those same things without my presence?” Clarke demanded. “My people are good people, with or without me to lead them. Probably better without me, actually. Because they have my mom, and Bellamy and Jasper and Raven. Plus, they have Octavia. She is the best person I know. She will be a great leader. She is strong, but compassionate. She has seen horrible things, she has been forced to do terrible things, and throughout it all, she has not lost that sense of wonder...her heart remains pure and untainted. She forgives and she feels and she truly cares for people. You don’t need me to lead my people, you don’t need me to ensure that the future is a pleasant and wonderful place. You just need her.”  
“And I can’t wait to meet her, Clarke. If your people are as good as you say they are, then why are you not with them?”  
“They held a trial for me. Pardoned me of my crimes. If I do ever choose to return to them, I want it to be on my terms and in my time. I won’t have you holding their future and their safety over my head.”  
“Is that what you think we’re doing?”  
“I also cannot willingly let my people go to you without knowing that they will be safe with you. You seem to know everything there is to know about me and my people. Tell me about yours.”  
So President Roslin told Clarke everything. She started with the war against the Cylons and how they had been the cause of the bomb that originally made Earth uninhabitable. How they lost so many people, on both sides. How enemies became friends and friends turned out to be enemies. She held nothing back, even so much as to saying that there were two Cylons left and living among them. She gave Clarke full-disclosure.   
When she had finished her story, she asked Clarke one final thought.  
“We’ve all made mistakes Clarke, and we are where we are. I would be willing to give your people a second chance, if you can do the same with mine. What do you say?”  
“I say that instead of my people coming to you, you send yours to us. Captain Adama, and your two Cylons. Plus, Thelonious. He must ensure us that he is a civilian in your city and not a captive.”  
“I assure you, that is the case.”  
“Just the same, you will send those four and those four only. They will seek out Octavia. And she will bring your Cylons to me. My people will go back with you if I tell them to. And when I speak with your people, only then will I make my decision on whether or not I will join them. Do you agree with those terms?”  
“I don’t feel as if I have a better option.” Roslin admitted.  
Then she looked toward her respected advisors, Admiral Adama and his son both nodded their head in compliance. Gaius seemed undetermined, but it was Caprica Six’s reaction that was   
telling. She silenced the radio for a moment.  
“What are your thoughts, and please speak freely.” She addressed the blonde.  
“You told her how the Cylons destroyed Earth, and nearly caused the extinction of her own people. You told her that two of us remained. I have experienced bigotry and hate from people before, I am always trying to prove myself and never getting anywhere. And you tell this girl...you could have just written Athena’s and my death note.”  
“You listened to her talk, you’ve heard us discuss her and her people. Do you think they will persecute you? Or that we would let them?”  
Caprica Six felt Gaius’ hand on her thigh as he squeezed it in comfort. It took a long time, but she had started to believe that she was one of them. That they accepted her and valued her. Her only fear was that she would have to work that hard all over again. And she wasn’t sure if she was strong enough this time around.  
“If you say no, it’s fine. I will just re-negotiate with Clarke. She seems to almost be coming around. I really think she will join her people and come here.”  
“Tell me the truth, Madam President. What is so important about this girl?”  
“I think that I may not last much longer, we all know that this Cancer isn’t going anywhere. Yes, I’m in remission and being here on Earth has helped me immensely. And I want that future Clarke spoke of. I want it for all the people who are left. Hope, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, peace, acceptance. I want that for you. For Athena. For Helena. For the Grounders who are left, and for Clarke and her people. I think we all deserve a little sliver of happiness after the lifetime we have survived. And Clarke is young, and still an idealist. I think that if anyone can give you all that, it has to be her. I want her to be my successor. But first, I need to get her here.”  
Caprica Six could tell how sincere Roslin was with her words and how badly she wanted Clarke to be some sort of savior. But she knew Clarke didn’t want to be anyone’s Savior, nor should a girl as young as her have to be responsible for the future of all mankind.  
“I will abide by her terms.” She relented and walked out of the room.   
“Clarke?” Roslin turned on her radio again.  
“I’m still here. Have you reached a decision?”  
“Your request is accepted and they will be leaving in the morning. I’d say you have a good four days to prepare your people for their departure.”  
“One more thing. In the future, if any Grounder comes to the City asking for refuge, we will not deny them. The slate from here on out has been wiped clean. Anything done during war is to be pardoned. Do you agree?” Clarke stated firmly.  
“If you can forgive them for what they have done to you, then how can we not do the same?”  
“Thank you, Madam President.”  
“No, thank you, Clarke.”  
After the meeting with her advisors, President Roslin called for an assembly of her entire population. Thelonious, Murphy and their remaining friends were welcomed among them.  
She told them about the mission and told everyone else to prepare for the new arrivals. She told them a little about their guests, though rumors had already been spreading amongst the city and they had been anxiously excited by the prospect of other human survivors on Earth. Overall, the assembly went well.  
Admiral Adama spoke next, announcing that Athena, Caprica Six and Apollo were the ones   
chosen to make the trek first thing in the morning.  
“This is the dawning of a new day and a bright future. We will embrace our brothers and sisters with open arms and welcome them home. So say we all.”  
“So say we all!” The crowd echoed.

XXXXX

It had been late in the afternoon when Octavia approached Clarke in the woods. Clarke greeted her with a small smile but didn’t say much behind that. She wondered how it had gone the President, but Clarke seemed to be waiting for Octavia to make the first move.  
“Before you ask, I did what you said and kept everyone away from the radios today.” Octavia said as she sat down beside her friend.  
The blonde nodded and hummed in acknowledgement. “Thanks.”  
“So, are you going to tell me how it went?”  
“They are sending some people to come and lead the pilgrimage to The City of Lights. President Roslin agreed that they would accept you all with or without me, and that your safety will be ensured.”  
Octavia processed Clarke’s words, but didn’t comment on the fact that Clarke’s indecision was apparent. She hadn’t just said, ‘without me.’ She said, ‘with or without me.’ And to Octavia, that meant that she still had a chance to convince Clarke to join them. However, she knew that it would only work if she made it sound like it was Clarke’s idea to come and not Octavia begging or guilt-tripping her into going.  
“You have four days to have everyone ready to go, so if you want to head back now, I understand.” Clarke spoke into the silence.  
The brunette, instead of taking the hint, traced shapes and patterns into the dirt with the edge of her knife. She knew Clarke was watching her, but she didn’t meet the other girl’s eyes.  
“I used to hate the silence. Being alone and quiet for all those years, it was something I despised. I think part of me still fears that type of isolation.”  
She kept making shapes, sometimes a letter here and there. But when she spoke next, Octavia made sure to look Clarke straight in the eyes.  
“But now….I look forward to being out here in the woods. It’s quiet but not lonely, you know?” She watched Clarke’s reaction; she took her shallow breathing and thick swallow as encouragement that she was on the right track. “I don’t fear the quiet isolation anymore. Because being around the others...the crowds….the noises....it sometimes overwhelms me now.”  
She had spoken the truth, it wasn’t just for Clarke’s benefit. The nightmares and jumping at noises and sudden movements were things Octavia noticed that a lot of her friends did now. Jasper, Monty, Bellamy, and even Raven. She noticed Lincoln got lost in thought at times or that he watched people with intensity like someone would do something at any time and he needed to be ready. She figured that Clarke might have felt similarly. After all, no one went through war and remained unaffected. Even she could admit the truth of that.  
“Sometimes, I think of going back.” Clarke started, but her voice was strained so she cleared her throat and tried again. “But I think about being back there...and the thought terrifies me.”  
Octavia nodded as her eyes fell on her knife as she dug into the dirt again. “And other times,   
when you think of going back...” She glanced at Clarke, but didn’t maintain eye contact. “What stops you those times?”  
Clarke didn’t respond right away, so Octavia looked at her. She noticed that Clarke was answering her question, she just did it without words. Octavia’s gaze landed on the tree that Clarke was staring at--the one with two names that were still not crossed out.   
She stabbed her knife into the ground, where it stuck out of the dirt. Then she stood up, grabbed Clarke’s wrist and pulled her up with her.  
“What are you doing?”  
Octavia dropped Clarke’s wrist, but remained close to her. “Why did you never tell me that you had feelings for Lexa?”  
Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed together and she frowned. “I don’t.”  
Anymore was left unsaid. Octavia rolled her eyes.  
“You know what I mean.” She growled.  
“You already questioned every decision I made. If you had known, not only would you have further questioned my judgement, but you would have hated me for choosing the enemy. You would have just hated me more than you already did.”  
Octavia’s gaze softened. “I already told you. I didn’t hate you.” When Clarke glared at her she raised her hands in surrender and raised her eyebrows to her hairline in surprise. “Alright, I hated what you did. But with you....I think you just...I expected you to save everyone all the time and have all the right answers. When you didn’t....I don’t know...I hated that I relied on you as much as I did, and I thought that maybe I could do better.”  
Clarke stared at her with an intensity Octavia wasn’t used to. Then she took a step away, wrapped her arms around herself and lowered her gaze.   
“The thing is, I replayed all the decisions I made...over and over. And I don’t know how much I would have changed. If I had stayed rather than warn Lexa about Mount Weather’s assassin, then both our camps could have been bombed. If I warned Lexa and we both stayed, then we all would have died. And if we had warned everyone, then Bellamy, Jasper, Monty and all of the others in Mount Weather would have died. I really don’t know what I could have done differently. Except maybe we could have had extra scouts. We could have tried to find the assassin, but what if there had been more than one?”  
Octavia reached for Clarke and cursed herself when the blonde jumped spastically. She withdrew her hand and apologized immediately.  
“I like to think that I could have made a better decision. I like to blame Lexa for betraying us, when she really did what we did at Mount Weather--which was protect our people first. I hate that innocent people died there, but none of us are really innocent, are we?” Octavia told Clarke quietly. “I thought I could maybe find a way to save everyone. But the truth is, I failed even more miserably than you did. Because I can’t even save you. Just one person, who means everything to me, and I’m still getting it all wrong.”  
At those words, Clarke’s head raised and her eyes landed on Octavia’s. She could see the honesty and the frustration that danced in the other girl’s irises.  
“You’re not doing it all wrong.”  
Octavia let herself smile, then she slowly reached toward Clarke and waited for the girl to nod her acceptance of the embrace. She held her tightly, and sighed contently when Clarke held her   
back just as fiercely.  
When she left that evening, her mind was piecing together her plan for the next day. She was about to do something drastic and she wasn’t ready for it, but she prayed that maybe Clarke was. It was a little bit of what Bellamy might have called ‘Tough Love.’  
She found Abby easily enough that evening.   
“Abby, Clarke did it. Thelonious and a few others from the City of Lights are coming to lead us to our new home. We have a few days to pack, so make sure everyone is ready.”  
“And Clarke?”  
“I’m working on it. I have an idea.” She told her honestly.  
Abby leapt forward and held the girl snuggly to her chest. “Thanks for all you’ve done for Clarke. I don’t know how to repay you.”  
Octavia awkwardly patted her friend’s mother on her back, then stepped away and ducked her head. When she met the woman’s gaze again, she spoke seriously. “You can replay me by making sure everyone is ready to go in a few days and that there will be a smooth transition when we arrive at the City. Clarke ensured our safety, so we have nothing to fear from them. But we are outsiders that they are taking into their homes. They only really have experience with the Reapers as far as we know, maybe some Grounders, and we need to let them know that they are safe from us as well. Do your job, Abby. And I’ll do mine.”

XXXXX

The next morning, Octavia arrived earlier than usual to see Clarke. She stopped next to Clarke, bid her a quick good morning, grabbed her arm and led her out of the camp. Clarke didn’t put up much of a fight, though she did have several unanswered questions. Octavia knew that if she didn’t get this over with now, that she’d never have the guts to do it later. And it wasn’t like they had a lot of time left.  
It took five minutes of walking for Clarke to realize the direction they were heading toward. She did her best to drag her feet, which forced Octavia to stop and let go of her arm.  
“Why are you taking me there?” Clarke hissed, but it came out more pathetic than forceful.  
“I think all three of us might have some unfinished business that we need to settle before any of us can move on.”  
Clarke didn’t look convinced.  
“I promise I won’t try to kill her.” Octavia confessed.  
Clarke narrowed her eyes before she nodded. Then she started walking on her own volition. Octavia caught up with her and they walked the rest of their way in a stressful silence. When they got to the gate of the village, they were met with two guards.  
Both Clarke and Octavia dutifully lay their weapons on the ground.   
“We mean no harm, we just wish to speak with your Commander.”  
The guards engaged in some sort of silent communication before they let them pass. When they passed through the gates, noises and gossipy chatter assaulted their ears. Clarke slowed her steps and looked visibly uncomfortable, so Octavia instinctively reached for her hand. Clarke squeezed it, which reassured her that she made the right choice in by grabbing it.  
As they quickly and quietly made their way through the village, they were surprised that people   
bowed to them. Not all people, not even most of them. But the ones that did, caught them off guard. The girls nodded toward them and were met with what they realized was a salute.  
“Weird.” Octavia muttered, and felt Clarke’s hand squeeze hers once again.   
Indra stood outside the Commander’s tent and watched them as they approached.  
“Can you see if Lexa’s willing to meet with us?” Clarke asked in the best authoritative, yet non-threatening, voice she could muster.  
“Why? So my former Second can assassinate her in broad daylight?”  
“You know me better than that, Indra.” Octavia held her ground. “If that had been my intention, I wouldn’t have let Clarke ask so nicely.”  
Indra smiled at the smaller girl. “I actually missed you, Octavia. But I have not forgotten how brave and disrespectful you can be.”  
“I’ve been told that my whole life.”  
Indra shook her head; the smile still on her face. “I don’t doubt that at all.”  
“As you shouldn’t.”  
The woman excused herself briefly, but when she returned she was flanked by Lexa. The other woman had been standing in the doorway ever since she heard Clarke’s voice. Her eyes immediately landed on Octavia’s and Clarke’s interlocked fingers. She hated that the sight alone caused her pain, but she schooled her emotions, as usual, and hid her broken heart well.  
“To what do I owe the pleasure, Clarke?” She merely nodded in Octavia’s direction, but chose not to address her at all.  
“We wish to speak with you.” Octavia answered gruffly, when Clarke’s hand fell from hers.  
Lexa didn’t miss the action, but nodded in response to Octavia’s words. “Well then, come inside.”  
They followed her inside after Lexa directed Indra to stay put. The woman looked like she wanted to argue, but knew better than to do so. Lexa wanted to protect herself from undue sorrow and project as much apathy as possible, so she took her rightful place at her throne. Octavia and Clarke stood awkwardly in front of her.  
“What do you wish to say to me, Clarke, that you haven’t already said when you told me to stay away from you?”   
Her voice didn’t hold as much apathy as it did resentment. Octavia picked up on it faster than Clarke did.  
“I have my own question first, actually.” Octavia interrupted.  
Lexa looked at her with disdain. Then she raised her hand and waved her hand as if to continue if she must.  
“I’m wondering how you could sell Clarke out the way you did when you love her as much as you do?”  
All pretenses fell from Lexa’s demeanor as Octavia’s words fell harshly on her ears. She glanced at Clarke and the blonde stared at her with wide eyes.  
“I already told Clarke that I made a decision with my head, not my heart.”  
“That’s bullshit and you know it. Even when I thought I hated Clarke, I always had her back. I didn’t tell anyone that you two knew about the missile and left us all to die. I didn’t leave her alone at Mount Weather to fend for herself. And I went back to visit her in the woods so she wouldn’t have to suffer through everything alone. I did that. And I didn’t even like her much at the time. But   
you still do what’s right; you still protect the people you care about.”  
Octavia felt Clarke’s gaze on her, but she held Lexa’s glare instead.   
“I get that you saved your people, and you cared so little for the rest of us. But not Clarke. How could you just discard her, leave her to die at Mount Weather?”  
Lexa stood up. “I didn’t do so lightly, and I didn’t just leave her to die. I knew she had you and your brother. I knew she would survive. She’s Clarke. She always survives. You know that as much as I do.”  
Lexa took a small step toward Clarke before she thought better of it. “I knew you would find a way out of it, and I knew you would find a way to save your people as well. Remember, I said that I hoped to see you again, Clarke. I knew you would make it out of there.”  
“Why did some of your people bow to us and salute us when we walked through your village?” Clarke asked quietly.  
Lexa’s jaw tensed. She already felt more vulnerable than she wanted to, but at this point she had nothing left to lose. She wanted to be a better person, a better leader. She thought, perhaps, she would start today.  
“Some of my people openly disagree with how I handled things in regards to you and your people.” She admitted.  
Octavia opened her mouth to respond, but Clarke rested her hand on the other girl’s shoulder and the brunette immediately closed her mouth. Lexa would have been amused at the reaction under different circumstances, but she couldn’t make herself feel that way now.  
“I have kept my word to stay away from you Clarke, but when I did go to watch over you.” She thought about her choice of words carefully. “I listened to the two of you. You fondly remembered those who died. You honored their lives, even in death. Our people thought it was death that gave life value, but you showed me how wrong that is. We must live and not simply survive. My whole life I was bred for war. It is in my blood. It was in the blood of the Commanders before me. I did not know life beyond dying. But you taught me more than that.”  
She sat back down on her throne, but her posture was relaxed now as she spoke candidly to the women in front of her.  
“I have learned that every life matters, and that all sacrifices are still sacrifices-no matter how small they seem to be. But now, my people are restless. We do not have an enemy. We do not have a war. And we do not yet know how to live. Our freedom came at a price none of us know how to pay. I am a Commander with no need to lead. I feel as if I don’t have an identity beyond bringer of death. But who shall I command, when no one will follow?”  
Clarke sighed loudly before she took a small step toward Lexa. She sat on the floor beside the throne.  
“I wanted to tell you that there are other sky people. They are not the same as our people, they came here before we arrived.”  
Lexa nodded. “I was told by the Commander before me, that people from the sky came to Earth. They asked us to join them, but the Commander refused them. When you arrived on Earth, we feared that you came to join them and declare war against us.”  
“Wow, okay.” Octavia mumbled before she took a seat beside Clarke.  
“I have been talking to their leader, and they promised peace and asylum to all who want it. I made sure that you and your Grounders were included in that agreement.” Clarke told Lexa, then   
glanced at Octavia to see the other girl’s response.  
Octavia was shocked at first, but the announcement was just so Clarke that she couldn’t find it in herself to be angry. Clarke had once again found a way to ensure the safety of as many people as she could.  
“You’re leaving.”   
That was all that Lexa was able to gleam from Clarke’s statement. She realized why the girl was here today; she had come to say goodbye.  
Clarke shook her head, but didn’t respond immediately. And when she did speak, she did not acknowledge or correct Lexa’s statement.  
“You said you were born to be Commander. You believe in reincarnation and that it has always been your duty to save your people, to lead them.” She waited until Lexa nodded. “These people, the others from the sky, they have their own stories, mythologies, their own reasons for how they survived and why they are here. There was this one soldier, Starbuck. One of the greatest pilots they ever knew. Also, a bit...unorthodoxed and disrespectful at times. She was a great leader, but not a very good follower.” This time Clarke glanced at Octavia, and saw the girl smile with a bit of pride. “Starbuck found Earth, but died in the process. But she didn’t really die. She came back as an angel and led her people here. She led them all home. And when they were safe...she was gone. She had done her job and she just vanished.”  
Lexa shifted in her seat uncomfortably, Octavia’s hand rested on Clarke’s leg, and the blonde smiled at the memory of the story. She liked it at the time she heard it, but it seemed more poignant now.  
“They remember her fondly. Her strengths, but also her weaknesses. She is held up as a hero, whose death brought them home. But it was her life and how she lived it that they most respect.” She took a deep breath, then let the air expel from her lungs slowly. She stood up and faced Lexa, then rest her hand on the other girl’s. “You had a big part to play in the salvation of your people, Lexa. But you did it. It’s finished. Sure, you can be remembered for the hard decisions that you made, the people you saved, and the people you couldn’t...but how about you let yourself also just live. Enjoy the freedom that you now have.”  
Lexa dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s legs. She buried her face against the other girl and allowed herself to weep. Octavia also stood up, and watched the scene awkwardly.  
When Lexa’s body stopped being wracked with sobs, she looked up at Clarke with admiration. “Thank you, for your mercy, Clarke.”  
Clarke brushed some hair from Lexa’s face with the tips of her fingers, and let her hand rest on the girl’s head. “It isn’t mercy, Lexa. Mercy would be not to give you want you deserved.”   
“Like a knife to the back.” Octavia whispered before she realized the others had heard her.  
“This is grace.” Clarke withdrew her hand from Lexa and looked the girl in the eyes. “I didn’t forgive you because you deserved it. I forgave you because you didn’t.”  
Lexa nodded in understanding, then let her eyes fall on Octavia. The other girl stared at her with something akin to relief.   
Octavia turned to give the girls a moment alone, but really she needed to control her breathing. She knew that Clarke had finally accepted Octavia’s forgiveness. And Raven’s, Jasper’s, everyone's. She knew that Clarke accepted that they forgave her even though she still felt like   
she didn’t deserve it. And if she was able to forgive Lexa and accept the forgiveness of others, Octavia knew that she would soon forgive herself. She knew that she was close to convincing Clarke to join them on their departure. It had been a long time since Octavia had allowed herself to hope for a happy ending. But maybe one could be in the cards for everyone.  
Clarke pulled Lexa up until they were standing face to face.   
“I forgave you so that someday, you will forgive yourself, Lexa.” Clarke told her sincerely.  
“Perhaps when that day comes, I will lead my people one last time and we will join you at the City of Lights.”  
Clarke nodded sadly. “Maybe someday.”  
Clarke turned from her, walked past Octavia and out the door.   
“Octavia?” Lexa called when Clarke was out of sight.  
The brunette glanced in her direction questioningly. “Yeah?”  
“Take care of her, please.”  
“I always do.”  
Lexa nodded, she knew that was the best answer she could expect from the other girl. Then Octavia walked away from her as well. When they were out the door, Indra appeared.  
“And what did you learn today, Commander?”  
“I learned that grace is a more powerful thing than mercy.” Lexa told her. “And that neither makes you weak.”  
Indra nodded. She saw that the relief she expected to envelop her Commander had been tainted with something else. She also saw anguish.  
“Then why are you not happy?”  
Lexa closed her eyes and sighed. “Today, I also learned what true grief is. I lost her for good.”  
When she opened her eyes, Indra was directly in front of her. “Fight for her, Commander.”  
Lexa shook her head and retreated to her throne again. “I’m tired of fighting.”  
Indra nodded curtly.   
“Before you go, I have some news to share with you. I would like your opinion on the matter.”  
And so Lexa told her about The City of Lights, and the offer Clarke had for them. Indra told her that it would have to be a decision that was not made in a day. And also, one that wasn’t made alone.

XXXXX

Clarke and Octavia walked back to the blonde’s campground in relative silence. When they arrived, Clarke withdrew Octavia’s knife from its position, still stuck in the ground, then she walked over to the tree and crossed out Lexa’s name.  
“One to go.” Octavia commented as Clarke turned toward her and handed her the knife.   
“See you tomorrow, Octavia.”  
Octavia’s eyes widened. “You’re not going back with me?”  
Clarke shrugged. “Today took a lot out of me, not just the Lexa thing…but being in the village. I need more time.”  
Octavia understood, she did, but she also knew that Clarke didn’t really have a lot of time left to prepare herself for it.  
“See you tomorrow, Clarke.” She told her friend, and then, without thinking about it, she grabbed her for a tight hug. “I’ve never been more proud of you than I was today.”  
Clarke returned the hug, but stepped away soon after. “I appreciate that, Octavia. And thank you for also making me go. I needed it more than I thought I did.”  
Octavia nodded. “Yeah, sometimes we forgive for ourselves and not the people who hurt us.”  
She turned around and walked away before she could dwell on the fact that seeing Lexa and Clarke together today had unsettled her in so many ways she didn’t want to understand.  
She didn’t tell Abby that Clarke would likely join them, because she didn’t want to get the other woman’s hopes up in the off chance that Clarke backed out. And she didn’t want to think of what her own decision would be, if Clarke decided to stay behind.  
Octavia didn’t leave the Ark until late the next afternoon. They were set to leave sometime tomorrow, after their escorts arrived, so she had to pack her things. She spent some obligatory time with her friends and Bellamy at breakfast and lunch. She missed them, and she was happy to be around them, but part of her always felt like something was missing without Clarke there as well. And she knew the others felt it as well. In fact, they told her as much at lunchtime.  
“She’ll be coming with us tomorrow, right?” Raven asked desperately. “Otherwise, what the hell have you been wasting all your time for, if you haven’t convinced her to come home?”  
“Relax, Raven. Do you really think any of us can make Clarke do something she isn’t ready to do?” Bellamy defended his sister, though he still shot her a look as if begging her to tell them Clarke would be accompanying them to the City.  
“Everyone’s just on edge with the move, is all.” Jasper explained. “None of us want to leave Clarke behind, especially with how...different she is.”  
Octavia rolled her eyes. “As if any of us aren’t different?” She pointed to Raven. “You’ve always been a pain in the ass, only now you have a shorter temper and are always agitated or anxious.” Then she pointed to Bellamy. “You’ve changed the most since we’ve been here, most of it for the best because of Clarke....but ever since Mount Weather, you’re not an arrogant asshole as much as you used to be.” She looked at Jasper and Monty. “You guys are nervous wrecks and all of us have nightmares, and I know that none of us particularly enjoy the noises and crowds of people anymore.”  
They seemed to want to argue with her, but none of them did. Well, none except for Bellamy.  
“I haven’t changed the most, you have.” He told her seriously. “I actually think I like this version of you best though.”  
“Whatever.” She said, then looked toward Lincoln and saw the way he was studying her. “What?”  
“Bellamy’s right, you’re not as sad as you used to be or as angry. But you’re still strong, I like this version of you better, too.”  
“I’m going to finish packing. Will one of you make sure Clarke’s stuff gets packed as well.”  
“Already done. Does this mean she’s coming?” Raven asked.  
“I haven’t told Abby, just in case. But yes, I think so.” She stood from the table. “I’ll probably stay with her tonight and we’ll come back first thing in the morning if all goes well.” She looked at all of them before her eyes settled on Bellamy. “You know how we don’t like the noises or crowds? Clarke will be worse. So, tomorrow...make sure that people keep their distance and that they are respectfully quiet. Oh, and they don’t idolize her as a hero, because she still sees herself as a   
monster.” She looked at them each again. “I know that it’s going to be chaotic tomorrow if she comes back, especially with the others arriving, so will you all help me keep an eye on her? And if necessary, we’ll take her away from the noise and people as much as we can. If we want her with us, we have to accept that this is the way it will be now. Okay?”  
They all nodded solemnly.   
Raven stood up. “I’m sorry I’ve been giving you a hard time. I just can’t take Abby’s sad eyes anymore, and I miss the hell out of Clarke myself anyway.”  
Octavia smiled at Raven’s words and her apology. “I know.” She stepped away from the table. “Well, see you tomorrow. And wish me luck, okay?”  
Bellamy shook his head and smirked. “You won’t need it. You’re a Blake. We’ve got charm.”  
Octavia slapped at him good-naturedly and hugged him, then she hugged Lincoln before she quickly finished her packing and left to see Clarke.  
Clarke was pacing back and forth when Octavia finally reached her.   
When Clarke saw her, she stopped mid-step. “I thought maybe they came early and....”  
“And I’d leave without saying goodbye?”  
Clarke’s expression softened and all tension left her body. “I was just being stupid.”  
“I thought I’d stay with you for the night. And if you want to come back with me in the morning…”  
Clarke bit her lip in hesitation. “I’m scared.”  
“Everybody is. We’re leaving the home we know for a place we don’t understand.”  
“Do they still want me back?”  
“What?!” Octavia closed the distance between them and held Clarke’s face in both of her hands to make sure that the girl looked at her when she answered her. “Of course they do. For most of them, Clarke, you were more than just their leader. You’re their friend. They care about you and want you with them. Your mom misses you like crazy. But if you’re worried about the crowds, the noise and all of that...we’ll all deal with it together okay? The others, they understand. Raven, Bell, Linc, Jasper and Monty. We all have your back, you won’t have to do any of this alone.” She pulled Clarke into her and held her. “You never have to be alone again.”  
Clarke’s eyes caught movement in the distance, as she watched the intruders stand beyond the trees. They had kept their distance lately, but they never left.   
Finn. Maya. Anya. Wells. Charlotte. Atom. And now dozens more. Just standing guard, like they had been since she accepted their presence rather than fight it.  
“I’ve never been alone.” She whispered to Octavia reverently, then closed her eyes and let herself appreciate the embrace.   
When she opened her eyes, the intruders were gone. She scanned the trees, and all around them, but she knew she was alone with just Octavia to keep her company. She smiled softly and mouthed ‘goodbye’ silently, like a prayer.  
When she did fall asleep that night, it was with Octavia’s arms wrapped around her waist. She hadn’t remembered a time she slept so well; she still had nightmares, but she wasn’t alone when she faced her demons this time.   
Octavia was surprised that when she woke up, she found herself in the same position she had fallen asleep in. Clarke was wrapped up in her arms, and the blonde was still sleeping. Octavia wondered if Clarke had slept as peacefully as she did, because she knew that she felt well-rested in a way that told her she didn’t have any nightmares the night before.  
She closed her eyes and just lay there, still holding Clarke. She thought about all they had been through together, and all that they still had to struggle through. When they first arrived on Earth, Clarke was a friend she looked up to. She was someone who stood up to Bellamy, and fought to allow all the “criminals” to be seen for more than the crime that had gotten them locked up in the first place.   
Clarke was one of the first people who saw Octavia as more than just that Blake girl hiding under the floor. And at first, Clarke seemed so perfect; like nothing could ever bother her. A few had even taken to calling her “Princess.” It seemed like ages ago since all that happened. It felt like several lifetimes had passed. Yet, here she was with Clarke, and the girl had somehow wormed her way into becoming one of the most important people in Octavia’s life.  
“You’re thinking so hard that I can’t sleep.”   
Clarke’s tired voice mumbled as her lips brushed against Octavia’s neck and caused her to shiver.  
“It’s time to get up anyway, the day is wasting away.” Octavia yawned and stretched, which allowed Clarke to pry herself away and stand up.  
“I’ve been thinking…”  
Clarke said it in a way that made Octavia dread what words might follow. So she silenced them with sarcasm. A charming Blake trait. “You’ve been up for two seconds, you haven’t had time to think.”  
“Ha. Ha.” Clarke rolled her eyes and started to pack up her things. Then she kicked dirt onto the fire until only smoke bellowed around them. “I planned on talking to the people that are coming before letting everyone just leave with them.”  
Octavia nodded. “That sounds reasonable.”  
“I planned to do it alone. But I think I would like for you to join me.” Clarke stated nonchalantly.  
Octavia’s eyes widened. She hadn’t expected that. To be honest, she was pleasantly surprised that Clarke showed no signs of stalling or any intention of staying behind.  
“I would like that.” Octavia told her. “I’m going to go back and get some breakfast....would you like to join me?”  
Clarke was silent for a moment before she shyly nodded. She packed up the rest of her belongings, shoved them all in Octavia’s bag, and then the two of them made their way back to The Ark.  
Octavia sent up a quick prayer that her friends were already awake and ready to go, so that they could run interference if need be.   
Clarke took a deep breath, and released it shakily before she grabbed Octavia’s hand and interlaced her fingers. Then she threw her shoulders back, masked her fear with a look of determination, and led the two of them through the camp.  
As soon as they stepped foot inside, chatter and loud laughter suddenly engulfed them and Clarke stopped rigidly. Octavia stood on her tiptoes and whispered into the blonde’s ear.  
“I’m right here.”  
Clarke nodded and slowly stepped forward another few paces. Movement bustled all around them, and Octavia could feel Clarke’s posture stiffen further.  
“We can go back out and wait a few minutes, if you want to.” She told Clarke.  
“What good would that do? I’d be in the exact same position after that.”  
“Clarke!” Abby announced and all movement and chatter stopped.  
All eyes were on them as Clarke shook with fear and, perhaps, relief.  
Octavia let go of Clarke’s hand and took a step backwards which allowed Abby to hug her daughter tightly. She watched as Clarke collapsed into her mother’s arms and both women shook with sobs. Octavia jumped a little when she felt movement at her right. She glanced and saw Raven.  
“You did good.” The other girl told her.  
“I didn’t do anything, it was all Clarke.”  
“Like hell it was.” Raven rolled her eyes and smirked. “As if I didn’t see the fact that the two of you were holding hands.”  
“For support. Raven.” She looked at her friend. “So drop it.”  
Raven tactfully dropped her taunting and filled the girl in on the progress of their plans for the day.   
“You’re just in time actually. President Roslin said her people are a half hour out. Everything’s packed and ready to go. We held a meeting with everyone last night, letting them know that if Clarke joined us that they’d have to give her some space and let her come to them. They were happy to make the transition on Clarke as easy as they could.”  
Octavia nodded as her eyes wandered back over to Clarke and Abby.  
“And Abby knows that just because Clarke is back, she’s not the same Clarke she was before. Right?”  
“Abby has seen the affect war had on all of us. She knows what she’s getting into with Clarke. That doesn’t mean that she won’t forget from time to time that Clarke needs space and can’t have her doting on her all the time. But it's a learned process, so they’ll both be okay.”  
Octavia turned back toward Raven, rested her hand on the girl’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Who knew that the two of us would be in charge of taking care of the Griffen women?”  
Raven chuckled softly. “It wasn’t an easy job, let me tell you.”  
Octavia smiled. “Even when they’re a bit broken, they’re the strongest people I know.”  
“If by strong you mean stubborn assholes at times, then yes, they are very strong.”  
Octavia smirked, shook her head and dropped her hand from Raven’s shoulder. It felt good to be home. Because home wasn’t a place, it was the people. And she finally had everyone she cared about back together again.

XXXXX

Clarke sat alone in what had been her old “room” as she checked through her bag and then double checked to make sure her few belongings had been packed. She was anxious and knew she was just trying to keep herself busy. Her mom had just left, and only because she needed to check that everyone else was ready to go. Her friends, all passed by and let her know that they were glad she was going with them. But other than that, her homecoming had been a fairly quiet one and, for that, she was grateful. She also knew that she more than likely had Octavia to thank for that.  
Clarke heard excited chatter outside and figured that their escorts had probably arrived, but she didn’t move from her spot. Instead, she just strained her ears in an ill-conceived attempt to eavesdrop.  
“We were told to ask for Octavia.” A no-nonsense voice spoke, and Clarke vaguely recognized it as the Caprica Six woman she had talked with on the radio.  
“Who’s asking?” Octavia’s voice was authoritative and wary.  
“Are you Octavia?” Another woman spoke. “My name is Athena, this is Caprica Six, over there is Apollo, and this little guy is Orion.”  
Octavia’s eyes landed on the dog who obediently stood beside Athena.  
“You have pets?”  
The other woman nodded. “When we first arrived on Earth, we searched for more mankind. We hoped we would not be alone any longer. But the people we found here, did not wish to join us. And some you call ‘Reapers’ even tried to kill us. So we looked elsewhere for survivors. For anything we could find.”  
The dog, Orion, barked when Clarke walked out of the door.   
“We found dogs, cats, and other small animals. We found cars, trucks, and motorcycles. Books and music. All those things survived the bomb that destroyed most of the Earth. We brought back what we could to the City and built a home. We have a wonderful home now. With a library, art studio, and there are many dogs, like Orion. He led us to you, safely through the minefield, and he will lead us all back...home.”  
“So, could you please tell us where Octavia is. She is supposed to lead us to Clarke.” Caprica Six spoke again.  
“I am Octavia.”  
The woman nodded. “You are older than I pictured.” She titled her head. “And not as tall.”  
Clarke smiled when she saw the way Octavia stiffened at the slight.  
“Well…you’re very...pretty.” She sputtered.  
The woman smiled slightly. “Thank you.” Then her eyes raised when Octavia glanced at Clarke. “And you’re Clarke.”  
Clarke nodded. Octavia knelt down to pet the dog while Caprica Six stepped forward to address the other girl.   
“I’m surprised to see you here, among your people.”  
“And I’m surprised that you’re here.”  
“It was my understanding that you asked for me specifically.”   
Clarke’s eyes widened at the implication that one of the Cylons, a so-called machine, stood in front of her. She watched Octavia happily play with the dog, and realized that there may be a better future for all of them. Her eyes danced from Octavia back to Caprica Six and finally settled on Athena.  
“I hoped the four of us could talk.” Clarke told them and everyone nodded at her before they followed her inside her old room.  
They stood in an awkward silence, only a random bark from Orion echoed against the walls.   
“You said you wanted to talk.” Caprica Six stated simply.  
“I have a few questions for you. I chose the two of you specifically because I had some things to ask you and I knew you would be candid with me about your answers.”  
“Then ask them, don’t waste all of our time.” Athena prompted.  
“I know about your war. I know what was done to your people, and what your people did to theirs. But I would like your side of the story.”  
“For what purpose?” Caprica Six asked.  
“I want to understand.”  
“Can you imagine what it would be like...to be created, but then feared and hated by the very people who created you. We saw them as our parents. We looked up to them and only wanted to be accepted by them. But they despised our existence. They tried to make our kind extinct, and nearly succeeded since only Athena and I are left. We were treated like less than human...like….the machines that we are.”  
“Holy shit.” Octavia breathed as her eyes widened at the realization of what was told to her.  
“And I hated them. So desperately. But also, I hated myself because I still wanted to be like them. I wanted to be human. To be seen and treated as human.”   
Clarke nodded. She looked to Athena for her answer.  
“I didn’t know what I was at first. I thought I was one of them. But when we all found out differently, I was...I had to fight very hard to prove myself. To prove my loyalty. And now, you all threaten that. We are scared of you. We are scared of what you know.” She admitted shyly.  
“You don’t need to fear us.” Clarke said, and looked to Octavia for confirmation.  
“If you don’t want our people to know, then we won’t be the ones to tell them.”  
Both Cylons nodded.  
“Tell me then, what else do you wish to know?” Caprica Six replied.  
“I want to know, how after everything….how you can forgive them and live among them in peace?”  
The Cylons looked at each other, then Athena nodded for Caprica to answer.  
“It was a war, Clarke, bad things happened on both sides. I know that you seek some kind of absolution for the things you have done.” She raised a hand to silence Clarke when the girl opened her mouth to argue. “But let me tell you something. When you look at me, what is it you see?”  
“I see a woman who regrets things she has done. Who carries the pain of intolerance and hatred with her, and yet, seeks to still be seen as an equal. I don’t know anything that sounds more human to me than that.”  
Caprica was quiet for a few minutes as she felt the sting of tears in her eyes.  
“I was the one responsible for the bomb that destroyed Earth. Well, a version of me anyway. There were many versions of each of us. But, if you are looking for someone to blame...the reason you lost so much, the reason you can’t look yourself in the mirror...the redemption you seek, all of it is because of me.”  
Clarke stared at her as so many emotions whirled around in her head. She absent-mindedly felt Octavia’s hand in hers.   
“Tell me, what do you see when you look at me now, Clarke?”  
“I…”   
Caprica took her gun from its holster, and handed it to Clarke.  
“I’m wondering if it is truly absolution you seek.” She pointed the gun at herself and left it in Clarke’s trembling hands. “Or is it retribution?”  
Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, her mind was clearer than it had ever been. “I still see the same thing as before. A woman seeking her own redemption, because of the things she has done and the things that she will always be judged   
for. I see a woman who bravely faces every single day knowing that the very people she so badly wants to accept her, who she compares herself with....that they too, carry their own demons.”  
Clarke handed the weapon back to Caprica Six as the room was again enveloped with silence. The four women looked at each other, and finally Octavia spoke.  
“Welcome to the human race. Where we all dwell in self-pity and contempt, but where we also never lose hope. We are all survivors.”  
The tension dissipated from the room, so Octavia took the time to question their guests herself. “So if she’s Caprica Six, what are you Jupitar Twelve?”  
Athena shook her head, but smiled brightly. “I was number eight, actually.”  
“Wow.”  
“Do you still see yourself as so much different than the rest of us?”   
Caprica Six shook her head. “I wasn’t the one who saw me differently.”  
Clarke nodded in understanding. Then she questioned them again.  
“What is it you fear most about our people joining you? And does the rest of your city feel the same way?”  
Both women shook their heads.   
“Our people are anxious to have so many people join us, but we’ve all been alone in the universe so long that they also are excited to meet you. What we fear is that we will once again have to go to war.” Caprica Six told them honestly.  
“We’ve all seen enough war in our lifetimes, if there is one, it won’t be from us.” Octavia replied to which Clarke nodded her head in agreement.  
“I fear for my daughter…”  
“Wait, hold up!” Octavia interrupted Athena. “You have a child? How does that work?”  
“We are biologically the same as you, so it happens when…” Athena started to explain but was interrupted again.  
“Nevermind. I get it.”  
Clarke smiled and so did Caprica Six.   
“My daughter is the only one like her in the whole universe. I fear that she will feel like me and Six. I don’t want for her to feel like an outsider her whole life.”  
Clarke looked from Caprica Six to Athena. “I think there is a solution for that.”  
“What is it?”  
“Don’t tell her that she’s different, then she won’t know that she is.”  
“I’m not sure it’s that easy.”  
“I didn’t say it was easy. I’m saying that you go out of your way to treat her the same as everyone else, and make sure that all anyone ever sees is a little girl. A girl who represents the hope of all our people. And if you treat her that way, the rest will fall into place.”  
“How can you be so sure?”  
“Because, you said so yourself. No one wants another war. So, we give them a reason not to have one.” Octavia stated, knowing what Clarke had meant.  
The Cylons looked between both girls and nodded.  
“Is there anything you wish to ask of us, before we join your people?” Clarke asked them.  
“I just want to say that President Roslin and the Admiral were right about you, Clarke.” Caprica Six answered.  
“How so?”  
“They were right to have placed their faith in you. And I hope that someday, you see yourself the way that others see you.” Athena explained for her friend.  
“Thank you.” Clarke replied; her tone thick was with emotion.  
Athena stood up, and Orion quickly fled to her side. “Well, let’s get your people home. Shall we?”  
Octavia grinned and followed suit, leaving the blondes in the room alone.  
“Just so you know. I refuse to hate you.” Clarke told the taller woman.  
“Why?”  
“Because you hate yourself enough for the both of us.” Clarke said.  
Caprica Six nodded her head and allowed a sad smile to pass her lips. “That much is true.”  
Clarke took a few steps toward the door when the other woman’s voice stopped her.  
“I try to live what is left of this lifetime in honor of the lives that were lost. I try to be better than the person I used to be. I try every day.”  
Clarke turned back around and faced the woman. They were so alike in so many ways.  
“Dwelling on their deaths does nothing for them and does even less for me. If I wish to honor what they sacrificed, or what I took from them...I must do so by living. By appreciating that I am alive when they are not. Because only then will their deaths make any kind of sense.”  
Clarke stared in awe of the woman before her. She didn’t know how to respond, so she said nothing.  
“If you think you and I are alike, Clarke. Then I see that as a compliment. Because I can see you are a good person. But you mourn for dozens; I mourn for millions. We are not the same by any standards.”  
Clarke shook her head. “That isn’t true. We’re both human.”  
With that she walked out and left the Cylon to weep silently. She had wanted to hear similar words from so many people, and the person she heard them from was a young girl who had every right to hate her. She had so much more to learn about humanity, but she planned to dedicate her lifetime to doing it.

XXXXX

They were all ready to go within an hour. Clarke chose, predictably, to take up the rear--her mother by her side. She wanted to be able to tear away from the crowd if it got too much for her to handle. Plus, she wanted to keep an eye on her people. She may no longer wish to be seen as their leader, but she would always seek to make sure they were taken care of--that they would be safe. She felt she owed them that much.  
Apollo (Captain Adama) fell in step with them.   
“I didn’t get a chance to say so before we left, but it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He told her.  
“And you as well, Captain.”  
“Caprica Six and Athena seem to be quite taken with you. And Orion seems equally taken with Octavia.”  
Clarke smiled as she saw the dog wag its tail as he walked alongside Octavia. Athena was only a few paces ahead. Caprica Six and Thelonious were presently leading the group.  
“Leave it to Octavia to prefer dogs to people.” Clarke responded fondly.  
“What’s not to love about dogs? They’re loyal, and they never argue.” He said cheekily.  
Clarke enjoyed his jovial attitude. When he first arrived at the Ark, he seemed to be all business. But it’s been several hours into their journey, and he seemed to have lightened up a bit. Maybe it was his talk with Athena and Caprica Six, or maybe he had properly gotten to know some of her people. Whatever it was, his acceptance of them made her feel much better about their impending arrival to his cty.  
“I hope Athena’s not too attached to Orion.” Clarke quipped.  
“Athena’s not who she should worry about. Helena, her daughter, on the other hand….”  
“Octavia.” Clarke said loud enough for the other girl to hear her.  
The brunette slowed her pace and fell into step with the rest of them, the dog obediently followed.   
“Yeah?”  
“I’m getting a bit jealous with how much attention you're giving that dog.” She teased.  
Apollo chuckled and Abby smirked at the interaction.  
“Awww, Clarkey wants attention, huh?” She replied in her best baby voice as she pat the top of Clarke’s head.  
“I lied. Go back to your dog.” Clarke shoved at her and Octavia laughed out loud.  
The brunette jogged off ahead a little bit, then turned and stuck her tongue out at Clarke. Orion barked and wagged his tail playfully.   
“You seem in good spirits today.” Abby said non-committally.  
Clarke shrugged. “I guess I’m sort of excited about being back.” She glanced at her mom. “I don’t feel like I have all this pressure on me right now. Because they...they haven’t really seemed to be expecting me to lead them...which is nice. And I’ve heard a bit about the city and we’ll all be safe there. And it will be nice….to live….to live for once. Not just survive.”  
She stated awkwardly, she stuttered a bit and blushed shyly.  
Apollo nodded. “It is a great city. You’ll like it, Clarke.” He looked at the girl with respect and admiration. “And you will get to be kids again.”  
“Well, that will be a good change.” Abby stated.  
They walked until nearly dark, then stopped to quickly make camp for the night. Clarke chose a place further from the group, just inside the treeline. Her friends, Abby, and the Cylons (with Orion of course), made their beds nearby, but all kept a respectable distance.   
Most of the group fell asleep quickly, the long trek had taken a lot out of them. Soon, after the majority of the group fell into a peaceful slumber, Raven, Monty, and Jasper followed suit. Clarke watched the remaining people yawn tiredly. The nearby fire kept them all warm, but caused light to dance on their sleepy faces.  
“You guys can go ahead and sleep, I’ll keep watch tonight.” She told them.  
“Nah, that’s what we have Orion for. He’ll alert us to anything that may be out there.” Athena said as she patted his stomach lethargically.  
Athena laid down after that, and was quick to fall asleep. Bellamy was next to give in to his exhaustion. Clarke noticed that the others didn’t plan to sleep until she fell asleep, so she surrendered several to a sweet slumber minutes later. And Lincoln went to sleep shortly after Clarke. However, Abby was content to watch her daughter sleep, even though her own eyes continued to droop.  
“You can sleep, Abby. She will be there in the morning.” Octavia told her. “She’s finally home.”  
Abby smiled at the girl, and then crawled over to kiss Octavia’s cheek. “Thank you.”  
“Of course.”  
Abby settled herself in her sleeping bag and soon her breaths evened out.  
“You surprise me.” Caprica Six told Octavia when only the two of them remained awake.  
“How?” She turned toward the blonde to give her all of her attention.  
“You learned of my secret, and that I am responsible for the destruction of the entire planet; but you sit beside me and treat me like a friend.”  
“Clarke trusts you, so I trust you.”  
“Just like that?”  
Octavia glanced at Clarke, then she faced Caprica Six again. “I don’t care who you used to be or what you’ve done. We all have our own burdens to bear. What I care about is that you’re trying to make things right. And it was you that got Clarke to come with us, and she even picked on me today. I mean, she smiled and teased me. I can’t see you as evil if you did that.”  
Caprica wanted to argue that she had nothing to do with Clarke’s decision to join them. Octavia was the one who did all of that. She knew it, and she figured that the brunette probably did, too. But she didn’t argue because her mind was stuck on something else that the small brunette had told her.  
“You said who.”  
Octavia looked at her with confusion. “Yeah?”  
“You said who I used to be...not what.”  
Realization dawned on Octavia. She hadn’t known the significance of her statement until she saw the reaction in the other woman.   
“It’s like Clarke said, you’re just as human as the rest of us. I don’t see you as anything other than that.”  
For the second time in a day, Caprica was reduced to tears. Only this time, she quickly swiped at them. Octavia diverted her gaze to give the woman a bit more privacy.  
“For what it’s worth, maybe if you had an actual name rather than a number….maybe you’d feel a bit more….I don’t know, like you fit in.”  
Caprica Six released a watery chuckle. “Perhaps.”  
Octavia smiled at her, then prepared her own sleeping bag. As she did so, she continued to speak.  
“I know a little about how it feels not to fit in. I’m too much like the Grounders to be seen as one of the Sky People anymore. But when I chose to save my people, instead of leave with the rest of the Grounders…well, I’m not seen as a Grounder either. I wanted to belong to both of them, and now I don’t really belong with either of them.” She laid in her sleeping bag as her eyes landed on Clarke. “And yet, somehow, I know I belong with her.”  
Caprica Six looked across the fire at Clarke’s sleeping body. “I think she feels at home with you as well.”  
Octavia closed her eyes and let Caprica Six’s words wash over her. She surrendered to a peaceful sleep shortly after. It was sometime throughout the night, that she felt Orion cuddle beside her, and she held him with contentment.  
Octavia woke up sometime before dawn when Clarke’s whimpers and thrashing caused Orion to stir in her arms. She quickly sat up, and found that Abby was already awake.  
“Is this how it always is...she has nightmares this bad?” Abby whispered.  
She fought the urge to go to her daughter, because she had been warned by the other children that Clarke suffered from them just like they did. And that noises and quick movements were not the best thing for her.  
Octavia nodded at her question, but decided not to elaborate. Instead, she released her hold on Orion and he trotted over to Clarke. The blonde jumped awake briefly, then relaxed when she felt Orion next to her. She patted his head and he licked her on the cheek. She was not aware that she being watched as she she ruffled up the dog playfully and whispered to him.  
“We’re gonna wake everyone else up, come on. Lay back down.”  
He wagged his tail and nudged her with his nose. Then she lay down and hugged him as he collapsed beside her. She fell back to sleep instantly.  
Abby and Octavia watched as Clarke’s breathing evened out and she no longer thrashed in her sleep. Abby watched the scene in awe.  
“It’s because of the connection to reality. Having something or someone there when the panic sets it...it lets us know that they were just nightmares. That we’re safe. Having that...tangible reminder...of what is real and what isn’t...it helps a little sometimes, and a lot at other times.”   
Octavia explained before she lay back down, and sighed peacefully when she felt Abby’s fingers thread through her hair.  
“I will never fully understand what it is you guys have to go through. First being locked up for most of your childhood, then being sent to Earth, alone. To feel like you were disposable. And then fighting a war, our war….I was so angry with her at first. But how can we have expected better for you all when we showed you the worst of ourselves?”  
Octavia had fallen asleep before Abby had finished speaking, but she hadn’t intended to be answered anyway. She was surprised, however, when someone did answer her.  
“They are better than all of us. Maybe because they were children.” Caprica Six said from somewhere beside Abby. “And that’s how I know that the future will be brighter for us all.”  
Abby nodded and continued to watch her daughter sleep. “And all it cost us was our children’s innocence.”  
This time Caprica Six had no reply. 

XXXXXX

Lexa knew that the Sky People had left that morning, and she figured that Clarke had chosen to go with them. But it hadn’t made her heart hurt any less when she walked over to Clarke’s old campsite and found no trace of the girl.  
She walked to the trees, as had been her routine, and softly touched each name. When she had arrived at the tree where her name had been written, she was not surprised to see her name crossed out. What had surprised her, however, was that Clarke’s name was still there...unchanged.  
She quickly removed a knife from her belt and remedied the situation. She crossed out Clarke’s name with a practiced reverence. Clarke may not have forgiven herself yet, but she never belonged with the likes of Finn, Lexa and whoever Murphy was. Because no matter how awful a person Clarke saw herself as, she was the best person Lexa knew.  
She had been working toward being better. A better person and maybe even a more compassionate leader. And now that she knew that Clarke was going to the City of Lights, Lexa made a vow to herself that she would be there one day as well. When she was good enough for Clarke.  
No, she wouldn’t fight for her; she didn’t deserve the girl. But she wanted to be good enough for Clarke to see her as an equal again. To forgive her for real. Not because Clarke was a good person and forgave someone who didn’t earn it. She wanted to earn Clarke’s forgiveness properly. She wanted to have Clarke see her like she used to, before she betrayed her. And before she broke her own heart in the process.  
Lexa spoke to her people and they have been deliberating their decision to travel to the City of Lights. Truthfully, many were overwhelmed with the idea of peace. So while Lexa worked on her own absolution, she would let her people understand the meaning of mercy, grace, forgiveness, and, ultimately, what it meant to be truly free. She had a lot of work to do, but she would not stop until she saw Clarke again. But more importantly, she owed it to herself to be the kind of person Clarke believed she could be. She may not deserve Clarke, or her forgiveness yet, but one thing the Sky People had taught her was that every life had value. And that meant that hers did as well. 

XXXXXX

The next three days went by quickly as Clarke and the others soon stood outside of their new and forever home: The City of Lights.  
Clarke was as anxious as ever, because there would be far more people than she was used to; or that she believed she could handle. Before she could voice that fear, Octavia was standing beside her. Orion on the other side.  
“Ready or not?” The brunette asked quietly.  
“Not.” Clarke replied honestly.  
Octavia’s hand found hers. “We’re finally home, Clarke. Our people are safe and...it’s because of you.”  
Clarke looked at Octavia as the other girl stared at the expense of the city before them.  
“I hope our houses don't’ have roofs, I’ll miss sleeping outside under the stars.” Clarke stated.  
Octavia smiled and looked at her friend. “Or, you know, you could just sleep outside.”  
“Do you think I’m ready for this?” Clarke asked her anxiously.  
Octavia squeezed her hand tightly, then she brought it to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on the other girl’s knuckles.  
“I think that it will be hard and overwhelming.” Clarke’s eyes widened in fear. “But....I think that you’re stronger than you think you are and that it will be better than we both can imagine. I won’t say that it’ll all have been worth it, because I’ve never lied to you, Clarke. But I think that it’s going to be good for us. And I think that for the first time in forever, our people will finally have the chance to be happy.”  
Clarke hugged her friend and whispered in her ear. “I appreciate your honesty, always.”  
It had been an unanimous decision to allow Clarke to be the first to walk through the gates that welcomed them to their new home. It hadn’t been something that was discussed or even voted on; but as they arrived at the city, they all stepped aside until Clarke was the one who stood   
facing the opened gates. They quietly watched as Clarke and Octavia were led by Apollo, Caprica Six and Athena through gates and into what would hopefully become their paradise.   
The street was lined with onlookers as the entire city seemed ready to welcome them home. Clarke faltered in her steps, as did Octavia. Caprica Six and Athena flanked them and continued to lead them into the center of town.  
Bellamy, Raven, Abby, Thelonious. Kane, Jasper, Monty and Lincoln followed a short distance behind them. And the rest of their people trickled in with awe lining their features.   
“Go ahead and wave. They’re here for you.” Caprica Six told them.  
Octavia was the first to wave, and as soon as she did, thunderous noise erupted from the crowds. Clarke jumped and Octavia startled as well, but Orion rushed to their sides. Immediately, his presence calmed both of them.  
“Is that...applause?” Clarke asked hesitantly; her hand swept through Orion’s coat.  
“It is. For you. For you all.” Athena told them.   
“Frak me.” Apollo muttered from somewhere beside them, earning questioning looks from everyone. “Sorry, there’s just so many on them.” He shook his head. “I radioed ahead and told President Roslin not to have all of this...fanfare.”  
“It’s as much for them as it is for us.” Clarke responded. “They aren’t alone anymore.”  
He nodded, but didn’t seem to be appeased by her words. “Even still, I told them that you wouldn’t want this.”  
Clarke nodded and turned around to see the rest of her people waving excitedly at the crowds. Octavia looked at them as well and rolled her eyes. “Looks like they need this though.”  
“I think it’s a good sign. They seem to be so willing to accept each other. I think Clarke had been right, everyone’s so tired of war and of fighting. Maybe a little...celebration is what everyone needed.”  
They quickly made their way through the city, but allowed the others to revel in the pomp and circumstance of their homecoming celebration.  
When they arrived at a large building in the center of town, Octavia and Clarke were ushered inside.   
“How was your journey?” Helo, Athen’s husband, asked before kissing his wife.  
After she pulled away from the kiss, she responded, “Very enlightening. We have nothing to fear.”  
She bent down and kissed her daughter before hugging her tightly. “I missed you, Helena. And I have some new friends I can’t wait for you to meet.”  
Helena hugged her mom, then Orion. The four of them stood guard at the door to make sure that only the ones invited inside were allowed to enter.  
Apollo continued to lead Clarke and Octavia into the building, up the stairs and to a large conference room where President Roslin and Admiral Adama waited. They stood up when their guests entered the room.  
President Roslin walked over to them and extended her hand in greeting. “Which one is Clarke and which is Octavia?”  
“I’m Clarke.” The blonde spoke first.  
Roslin shook her hand, then Octavia’s.  
“Pleasure to meet you both. I believe there are a few others who still have to join us?” Admiral   
Adama responded after shaking both girls’ hands.  
Caprica Six entered the room then, leading Abby, Kane, Theloneous and Raven.  
“I believe we are all here, except for Gaius.” Roslin said before introducing herself to the newest arrivals.  
After all introductions were made, a dark haired man in a suit walked through the door.   
“Gaius. Now that we’re all here, let us begin, shall we?” Roslin stated. “How do you find our city?”   
“Overwhelming.” Clarke and Octavia stated together and shared an awkward smile at the reply.  
“You promised a quiet homecoming, but the streets are lined with people clapping and screaming.”  
“We tried to keep it to a minimum, but our people deserved this.” Admiral Adama stated.  
“Our people seemed to need it as well. It was a nice gesture.” Kane spoke up.  
“Now, I filled all my advisors in on our...agreement, Clarke. Are the rest of you up to speed as well?”  
They all nodded.  
“Okay, then, let’s figure out the best way to ensure a smooth transition for everyone. And then we’ll let you get some rest and grab some dinner. I don’t want to keep you longer than necessary.” Roslin spoke frankly.  
“I think that sounds agreeable.” Abby remarked.  
“What is it your people need from us?” Admiral Adama asked. “What can we do to better help with your transition?”  
“I think it’s important to embrace and accept all of our values and traditions.” Octavia spoke with certainty. “We’re not here to become just like you. We are our own people with our own backgrounds and beliefs. Especially if any of the Grounders do join us.”  
Abby and Kane looked a bit taken back by the mention of Grounders, but Raven had been filled in on the situation while on the trek here.  
“Would you explain a little more about what you mean, Octavia?” Roslin asked with interest.  
“I think that we should all feel comfortable being who we are. Whether Grounder, Sky People, Cylon or human. We deserve to be seen as vital members of this society; with all parts being represented equally.”  
“Our differences don’t separate us, nor should they make us weaker as a people.” Clarke added when Octavia finished. “We have seen how our differences make us stronger. We cannot all survive if we choose one group of people to stand above the rest. All must be equal.”  
Roslin and Adama shared a look of contemplation while Abby and Kane shared one of pride.  
“People follow those who lead by example and not by force. We did not come here to be ruled by a single tyrant.” Raven added when no one else said a word.  
Apollo chuckled and Raven mistook it for disrespect. She glared at him and opened her mouth to defend herself when he waved his arms at her in defense.  
“No disrespect intended.” He looked around the room. “I’m sitting in on a meeting with the President of the last of mankind, the Admiral of an entire fleet, three Chancellors-one of whom is also a renowned doctor, a scientific genius, and one of the two remaining Cylons left in existence. It’s impressive, really. And if Starbuck was here, I’m sure she’d have her own fraked up response to this...meeting. But so far, the most intelligent solutions I have heard in regards to ensuring peace and hope for our future comes from the mouths of three young girls. Children   
really.”  
“I feel like that was still an insult.” Raven said and Octavia nodded in agreement.  
“Coming from my son, that’s the best compliment you’re likely to receive. He didn’t really want to have you all join us, and he also questioned the validity of our negotiating with children. But somewhere along the way, you have obviously changed his mind.” Admiral Adama stated while sternly staring at his son. “Though he could have said it more...eloquently, what he said holds value.”  
The younger Adama shrugged. “I told you before, when we first landed on Earth; this is our chance to start over. To be better than the generations before us. To bring the best of ourselves into this world and create a future we can all enjoy.” He pointed at each of the girls. “If they aren’t the best of us, then I don’t think we’ll ever have a chance at peace.”  
The girls ducked their heads shyly, all three of them hated being put on the spot.  
“I agree.” Roslin stated with finality. “We will work on your conditions. Make a list of the traditions of your people as well as the Grounders. And we will ensure that all are represented; it would be nice to simply familiarize ourselves with some of your customs. We truly do hope for peace, and the only way that can be done is if we all come to the table as equals.” She eyed Caprica Six specifically. “Each of us will be heard and respected.”  
“So say we all.” Admiral Adama replied.  
“So say we all.” Roslin, Apollo, Caprica Six, Gaius, and Theloneous repeated.  
“It appears we just witnessed one of your traditions, Madame President.” Kane responded kindly.   
After their quick goodbyes, President Adama asked Gaius and Apollo to lead their guests out and show them to their new homes. Admiral Adama excused himself as well, and Caprica Six stood to follow them all as they left.  
“Caprica Six, would you please stay?”  
The blonde did as she was asked and sat back down. “Yes, Madame President?”  
“You have spent time with those girls and their people. You were the one who was most anxious about their arrival. Tell me, how do you feel about them now?”  
Caprica smiled to herself. “I’m no longer afraid of them, President Roslin.” She stood up and walked closer to the other woman. “I agree with everything that was said today. That all people, customs and traditions should be taken into account. That all should be treated equally. And that Clarke, Octavia and their friends are our best and greatest hope for the future.”  
Roslin nodded. “So you now agree that Clarke is a good successor for me as President?”  
To this, Caprica Six shook her head. “Clarke may be one of the best people I have ever met. But she is not ready, nor would she want such a responsibility.”  
Roslin frowned. “What do you suggest I do?”  
“I believe that you should choose Octavia of the Sky People and the Grounders. I believe that she will do what the rest of us could never do. She can bring all of our people together.”  
“Perhaps, but do you think people will follow her?”  
Caprica Six smiled. “They already do.”  
Roslin nodded as she contemplated her decision.  
“And the best thing, Madam President, is that Clarke will guide her. So you will have both of them without either of them realizing it. Because Clarke is still a leader, even when she doesn’t want to be. And Octavia has the demeanor to do it, she got Clarke here. And they respect each other,   
even when they disagree. So you know that they will talk through it until the best decision is made for all involved.”  
Roslin studied the other woman carefully. “What did they do to get you to side with them?”  
Caprica Six smiled fondly before she took a few steps away from the President. “They know that I’m a Cylon and they know that I destroyed the world. But they still treated me more human than anyone else ever has, even Gaius. It’s just as Raven told you. People follow those who lead by example, not fear or coercion. I follow them because they accept me, and that is all anyone really ever wants. To have a place they belong.”  
Roslin smiled at the words, though she was a bit saddened by the confession. “I’m sorry for all I have done to you and your people. But I hope that since we’ve been here, that you don’t see it as us and you. That you do feel as if you belong here.”  
She nodded. “I do...now.”  
Roslin nodded back; she would accept that answer. “Clarke exiled herself. Octavia straddles two identities and doesn’t seem to belong truly to either, and you are alone among your kind. If the three of you can find some semblance of understanding with each other, then I do believe that there’s hope for us all.  
“It seems to have been in God’s plan all along.” She stated simply, testing out the words on her tongue.   
Sure, she and Athena were treated well after the war ended, but the Cylon idea of a single God versus human’s belief in several gods was always a sore point among them. If Octavia and Clarke could truly get President Roslin to understand that ALL beliefs and traditions were to be respected, Caprica Six would get to honor her faith again. It had always been something she held in high regard.  
“Perhaps you’ll thank your God for me.” Was the answer Roslin replied with.  
It was a start in the right direction, and she would take it.  
“And I no longer want to be addressed as Caprica Six.” She told her.  
President Roslin looked taken aback by that admission. “Okay?”  
“If I want to fully be seen as human, I need to stop using my number. I am ready to do that now.” She told her. “I wish to be called, Magdalene.”  
“That’s a beautiful name.”  
“Thank you.”  
“And thank you, Magdalene. For all of your help. I’m glad to hear that you’re at peace with them joining us, and I’ll work to make sure that you’re treated with the respect and admiration that you have earned.”  
She smiled at her President, then dismissed herself and walked out of the room. She fully intended to say a good, long prayer tonight. She had so much to be grateful for.

XXXXXX

The people from the Ark had been shown to their new neighborhood and thankfully for Clarke, the houses were outside of the main town and away from all the spectacles of city life. The homes were modest and all the same. Single floor rooms, with a small basement that was basically a fallout shelter.  
After being shown where she would be living, Clarke wandered around the back yard and her eyes fell to the treeline. She smiled to herself, it felt nice...like this could be home. She hugged herself and sighed in contentment.   
Movement beside her made her jump slightly, but she calmed when she saw her mom standing next to her.  
“I don’t know if I ever saw the kids so happy.” Abby said as she watched her daughter. “Raven and Octavia are fighting over which room to claim, and I’m sure you hear Jasper and Monty chattering up a storm next door.”  
Clarke nodded. She could hear them; she could hear everything. The chatter of city life in the distance. A dog barking somewhere within the woods. She heard Octavia and Rave arguing playfully from the house. The noises weren’t overwhelming, they were constant. Like they’ve always been there. And it made Clarke believe that maybe she could handle them.  
Octavia and Raven ran out the back door and paused when they saw Abby and Clarke talking quietly together.  
“Clarke, we gave you the room with the most windows. But tell Raven that I get the one with the bigger closet.” Octavia pleaded with her friend.  
“What about my mom?” Clarke asked.  
“She got the room with its own bathroom.” Raven explained.  
“And what’s wrong with the last room?” Abby asked the girls.  
They both shrugged. “Nothing.”  
The Griffin girls studied them.  
“Fine, one of the rooms is all by itself near the basement and…” Octavia replied shyly.  
“You could just share with me.” Clarke replied and saw the way Octavia’s eyes lit up. “I’ll probably spend most of my time outside anyway.”  
Octavia rolled her eyes playfully, but it was apparent to everyone that she accepted the offer happily. “Right, the whole sleeping under the stars thing.” She turned around and walked toward the house again. “I’ll set my stuff in our room.”  
Bellamy, Jasper and Monty walked across the yard and greeted their new neighbors.   
“I think we’re all settled. This place is amazing. We were thinking of going to explore the city.” Jasper said as they approached.  
“Wanna join us?” Monty asked.  
Clarke shook her head.   
“I’ll go.” Raven answered. “Let me see if Octavia wants to.”  
Octavia did go with the others, while Abby and Clarke wandered through their new home. Clarke noticed as soon as they were originally shown the house, that paint easels and canvases sat in the living room. So that was the room she quickly headed toward.  
“I assume you had something to do with this, mom?” She said as she found some paint and packed all of the items up so she could set them up outside.  
“President Roslin asked for things that might help make the transition easier. I told her you liked art.”  
Clarke kissed her mom’s cheek on the way toward the door. “Thanks, mom.”  
It took Clarke a while to set her easel up where she found the best light. She was actually a bit excited by the prospect of painting a picture of the outdoors, while being outside. Not long ago,   
she would have never imagined this could have been her life. And at the thought, she found herself unexplainably angry. She took a deep breath and tried to brush it off.  
Abby watched from the window as her daughter painted the scene around her. From a distance, she saw a small dog stand at the edge of the tree line and watch Clarke as well. She wondered if Clarke noticed it. Her daughter seemed not to let much escape her these days, but if she did see it, she had yet to acknowledge it.  
The dog slowly inched its way closer, before dropping to its stomach to lay on the ground. Its head tilted to the side as it watched Clarke. The blonde continued her brushstrokes, and never took her eyes off the canvas. Yet, she did speak to her new guest.  
“Was that you barking out there in the woods?”  
The dog's ears raised and alerted Clarke to the fact that it was listening to her.  
“I didn’t hear anyone else out there.” She replied, lowering her voice as if she were saddened by that prospect. “Are you alone out there?”  
The dog dipped its head to rest on its front paws and watched the girl silently.  
“I already miss the woods. It was peaceful in the silence.”  
She still didn’t look at the dog, but she did notice how it sneakily tried to inch a little closer to her.   
“I wasn’t alone though. I had Octavia to keep me company.”  
When her voice lost the sadness it had been laced with, the dog’s head raised and its ears perked up again.  
“Oh, you might want to hide before she gets back though. She will smother you like crazy and you won’t be able to escape her.”   
The dog’s tail wagged at the happy tone in Clarke’s voice.  
“You think that sounds like fun?” She finally looked at the dog and immediately its tail stopped wagging as its eyes held hers. “That’s just because you don’t know how annoying she can be.”  
She smiled as she said it and returned her eyes to her painting. The dog wagged its tail again and inched closer. It was still several paces away, and out of reach, but both it and Clarke seemed content by that fact.  
She hadn’t spoken to it any more, instead she focused on her painting. The dog just watched her as it lay in the grass.  
The sound of the back door being opened sent the dog fleeing back into the woods. Clarke steadied her hand so she didn’t ruin the brushstroke.  
“Sorry.” Abby apologized when she saw that she not only scared the dog, but startled Clarke as well. “I was going to bring your visitor out some food and water.”  
The dog was long gone at the moment, but she sat down two bowls anyway. One filled with water and the other looked to have some sort of bread and meat concoction.  
Clarke eyed it warily. “Did you try to make the dog a sandwich?”  
Abby sighed as she looked at the makeshift doggy dish. “I didn’t know what dogs eat. I could probably go to the shop or something and get whatever Athena feeds Orion.”  
She walked toward her daughter quietly, almost as if she was scared to make any sudden movements. Clarke felt like she was being treated like the scared dog and rolled her eyes at herself. Once again, unbidden anger bubbled within her.  
“It’s beautiful, Clarke.” Abby breathed out in awe when she noticed the painting.   
Clarke looked at her own painting and tried to see it objectively. She was finally on Earth and   
could see the whole world around her. But instead of painting the trees that surrounded her or the night sky she loved so much, she had painted the view of Earth that she had seen so many times from aboard the Ark.  
She stood up abruptly, mad at herself, and her stupid painting. “Even now, I can’t escape my past.” She growled then shoved the easel aside and knocked the painting to the ground in the process.  
She stormed off even though she heard her mom call her name in worry.  
Clarke went to what was now her bedroom and collapsed on the unmade bed. It hadn’t taken her long for her breathing to even out and exhaustion to overtake her.  
Abby had dutifully cleaned up the mess Clarke made, then she brought everything back inside. She carefully sat the painting back on the easel so it could dry properly. She washed out all the paintbrushes and had everything just as it was before she decided to take a chance and check on Clarke.  
Her daughter was asleep in the bed and her face made her mistakenly look peaceful and innocent. Abby stood in the doorway watching her for awhile, before she made herself busy and fixed lunch. When lunch was finished, she placed it on the table but left it otherwise untouched. Clarke was still asleep. Raven, Octavia and the boys were still gone. And Abby was left alone with her thoughts.  
She didn’t know how long she was pacing before she heard the quiet chatter of the girls walking in the house. Octavia took one look at a nervous Abby, with no sign of Clarke, and her previously happy expression was immediately replaced with fear.  
“Where’s Clarke?” She approached the older woman. “What happened?”  
Abby anxiously ran her hands through her hair. “I don’t know.”  
“Abby? You don’t know where Clarke is?” Raven asked with concern.  
Abby shook her head. “No.” Her eyes widened. “I mean. Clarke’s here. She’s asleep...but…”  
Octavia didn’t wait for an explanation, instead she hurried to the bedroom to check on Clarke and saw that the girl was infact sleeping. She watched her as Raven continued the conversation.  
“What happened Abby?”  
The older woman shook her head. “I...she was fine. She was happy and even kind of playful with the dog.”  
Octavia turned around suddenly. “What dog?”  
She cursed to herself when she heard Clarke shift suddenly in the bed. She walked over to the other girl and softly stroked the girl’s hair in an attempt to calm the now agitated, yet still sleeping, blonde. Octavia listened as the conversation took place outside the bedroom, but she remained with Clarke. She continued running her hands through Clarke’s hair and hummed softly to her.  
“She just got so angry, so fast. I don’t even think she could control it.”   
Octavia heard Abby explain to Raven.  
“Did she hurt you?”  
“What? No, I’m fine. She didn’t do anything. She knocked over her painting and yelled about not escaping her past.”  
“But you’re both okay?”  
Octavia heard Abby’s tired sigh. “Will we ever be okay?”  
Clarke again shifted in bed and somehow pulled at Octavia, tugging the brunette closer to her.   
Octavia let her do so. Then Clarke’s eyes popped open and for a moment, fear shone through them. Then as if the haze cleared, Octavia was staring at clear blue eyes.  
“Hey.” The blonde mumbled with a soft smile, almost nuzzling closer to Octavia’s embrace.  
“Hey.” Octavia smiled back.  
The talking in the other room halted, and both Raven and Abby soon stood in the doorway.  
“I made some lunch, if you girls are hungry.” Abby stated, all traces of worry, fear and sadness gone from her face.  
“I’m starving.” Raven said when the silence became too awkward.  
Octavia looked down at Clarke and nodded toward the kitchen. “You gonna eat something?”  
Clarke nodded and followed her out of the room.  
Abby watched as Clarke shyly smiled at her, then sat down and filled her plate with food. She listened as Raven and Octavia filled the other girl in on what she missed from their excursion to the city.  
“A whole library, Clarke. You would love it. I already picked out a few books for you.” Octavia stated between bites.  
“And there’s tons of movies to watch and music to listen to and games to play.” Raven finished excitedly. “Oh, and did you know that Jasper and Monty have an air hockey game in their house. It was already there for them, I guess we all have things from the President. Like welcome home gifts or something.”  
“Wonder what we got?” Octavia asked thoughtfully.   
Abby raised an eyebrow. “You mean apart from the large TV, a fully stocked kitchen, and closets full of clothes.”  
The brunette looked sheepish for a minute. “Yeah, but Bellamy got a motorcycle.”  
“He what?” Clarke actually seemed interested in the conversation.  
“I know right.” Octavia threw her arms up in the air dramatically.   
Clarke shook her head with a smirk, and Abby smiled at the interaction.  
“Well, I got some paint supplies.” Clarke told them after a few minutes. “I painted a picture today.” She paused for a minute. “And we might have a dog.”  
Octavia’s eyes widened. “We have a dog!? Clarke, why didn’t you start with that. That beats a motorcycle.”  
“Yeah, right. I doubt Bellamy’s smug ass would agree.” Raven replied with a smirk of her own and ducked when a dinner roll came flying at her. “Don’t waste food.”  
“Whatever.” Octavia rolled her eyes. “We have a dog who will eat it.”  
“Guys, I forgot to tell you. Mom tried feeding it a sandwich. It was hilarious.” Clarke said with genuine excitement.  
The girls looked at Abby and all burst out in laughter. “It wasn’t that funny.”  
Even as she said it, she was smiling, too.  
After lunch, Octavia took Clarke to the living room and showed her the books she got for her. While they were engaged in conversation, Raven stayed behind to help Abby clear the table and wash the dishes.  
“I don’t get it. She goes from happy to angry in under five seconds.”  
Raven shrugged. “I don’t know, think about it, Abby. She spent so much time hiding her emotions and trying to lead everyone. Then she spent almost as much time hating herself and feeling like   
a monster. With all that out of the way, she probably just has so many emotions to process. And sometimes, anger is the easiest one to access.”  
Abby nodded. It made sense.   
“She hasn’t really gotten over it yet, Abby. Maybe she will learn to completely forgive herself...but the rest of it, it will be there. So many people died, so many she blames herself for. And here she is, alive and safe and even sometimes happy. Maybe she feels guilty for it. Like why her?”  
Abby studied the younger girl. “Is that how you feel, with Finn?”  
There wasn’t an immediate answer, but Abby waited Raven out patiently.  
“Clarke sort of knows this, but other than her…” Raven turned toward the older woman. “I was the reason Finn was in trouble. He never did the space walk, that was me. And he took the blame because I had already turned eighteen. All that happened afterwards, the things that happened to him...I was so mad at Clarke for letting him die...but it had always been my fault. I killed him. And yes, a part of me is absolutely pissed that I am here and actually happy, because Finn will never be. Because he’s dead.”  
Abby hugged Raven tightly to her and rocked them back and forth in an effort to console her. She would never truly understand the magnitude of things these….kids have suffered through. She was an adult, who had her own penance to pay, and even she didn’t understand the extent of their suffering. She selfishly prayed she never would.  
When they finished cleaning the kitchen, and composed themselves, they walked into the living room to find Octavia draped over Clarke’s lap as the blonde read aloud. One hand was holding Octavia’s as the brunette’s head rested on the arm of the couch. Clarke’s other hand was awkwardly holding the book and attempting to turn the page.  
Without a word, Raven and Abby sat down and made themselves comfortable. When Clarke finished another two pages and paused to turn the page, Raven interrupted.  
“What book are we reading?”  
“Lord of the Flies.” Clarke frowned. “But I don’t think I enjoy it very much.”  
Octavia hummed in agreement. “No, it’s too dark.”  
Raven’s eyes lit up. “Then how about we watch a movie. I brought a few back.”  
“Fine. But I’m not moving.” Octavia replied defying anyone to argue against her.  
They were halfway through the second movie before Clarke got restless. “I’m going outside.”   
Octavia was torn between giving Clarke space and asking if she was okay. In the end, she decided that space was the better option for now.  
When Clarke got outside, she smiled when she saw that the food and water dishes were both empty. She sat beside them, and leaned her head against the side of the house before she allowed herself to enjoy the beauty of the stars.  
She still heard noises all around her, namely the movie playing loudly inside, but somehow, the stillness of the night seemed to make everything more bearable.  
She admired the stars, and tried to find some constellations. Then she was surprised when a furry head collapsed on her lap. She looked down and saw the dog looking up at her.  
“Looks like you found the food.” She told it as she rubbed its ears and laughed when it burrowed further into her.  
Octavia heard Clarke’s laughter and excused herself from the movie. She didn’t think that Raven or Abby would notice her absence anyway. She stood in the doorway, still inside the house, and   
watched as Clarke playfully pet the dog. She was content to watch, but the dog must have sensed her because it looked up in her direction. Then before she could move, it had left Clarke and trotted off into the woods.  
“He doesn’t like people.” Clarke told her as Octavia walked outside.  
“Clearly.” She responded as she sat beside Clarke and let silence overtake them.  
“He just finds me irresistible. He can’t handle my charm.”  
That made Octavia laugh out loud. Clarke didn’t want to be offended, but she couldn’t help it. The anger scared her with how quickly it appeared.  
“I’m scared.” She admitted, which caused Octavia to stop laughing instantly.  
“Of what?”  
“I just get so mad lately. At stupid things, too.” Clarke turned to face Octavia slightly. “I was mad this morning when Raven grabbed a pop tart and it happened to be the only blueberry one. I got mad earlier when I realized that I liked this place. I got really mad when Mom and I shared a moment and she told me that my painting was beautiful. I got mad just now because you laughed so easily, when it’s so hard for me to do. And because you laughed at me.”  
Octavia grabbed Clarke’s hand and held it tightly between hers. “We all get mad sometimes. I was pissed that Raven took the blueberry pop tart, too.” Octavia looked into Clarke’s eyes with sincerity. “And I wasn’t laughing at you. I thought you were making a joke and that I was laughing with you.”  
Clarke pulled her hand away from Octavia’s grasp abruptly. “It’s not just me getting mad or upset. It is a kind of anger that feels like it can consume me. I can’t control it, it just happens. And I know I scared mom today.”  
“Okay…” Octavia searched for the right words; she wanted to assure the girl that she understood her, but not make the girl feel like her concern wasn’t being validated. “We got through everything else, we’ll find a way to get through this, too.”  
Clarke’s eyes filled with worry rather than relief. “I don’t want you to be scared of me.”  
“I’m not.”  
“You should be.”  
Octavia shook her head, crawled over Clarke until she was straddling her, and held the other girl’s face firmly between her hands. “Clarke...look at me.”  
The other girl eventually obeyed.  
“Clarke...you make me feel a lot of things. A lot.” She leaned closer to the girl’s face, until they shared the same breath. “But being scared of you, it’s not one of them. It’ll never be one of them.”  
Clarke opened her mouth to argue, but Octavia cut her off with a kiss. It was slow, but forceful, and it was filled with so much that neither of them understood. Before either of them deepened it, Octavia quickly climbed off Clarke, stared at the other girl with wide eyes and said nothing before she rushed into the house and disappeared into their bedroom.  
Clarke watched her go, then she touched her fingertips to her lips and closed her eyes. When she opened them, the dog was standing several paces in front of her staring at her intently.  
“You were there the whole time, weren’t you?” She let her head fall back onto the side of the house. “Pervert.”  
The dog whimpered and made its way toward her. It stopped a foot or two in front of Clarke and   
waited for the other girl to acknowledge him.  
“Well, come here.”   
The dog dutifully took up the now empty space beside Clarke.   
“And that was Octavia.” She breathed out in a tone that resembled the awe she had been feeling.   
The dog nuzzled its head closer to her and watched her with expressive eyes.  
“You don’t have to tell me, I already know I’m in trouble.” She whispered to him and closed her eyes.  
Meanwhile, Octavia was freaking out in her bedroom. Hers and Clarke’s bedroom. What had she done? She just kissed Clarke, which was amazing, but then she walked away. Should she go back out there and talk to her about it? Were they going to talk about it? Or was it one of those things that happened, but never discussed.   
Octavia paced nervously around their room until she heard Raven’s door open and close. She fumbled hurriedly out of her room and into Raven’s.  
“What are doing in here?” Raven asked with surprised. “What’s wrong with you?”  
“I think I just did something really stupid.”  
“So did I.”  
“You? What could you have possibly done that’s worse than sleeping with my brother?”  
Raven slammed her eyes shut and whispered. “I kissed Abby.”  
Octavia’s mouth dropped open in shock. “What is it with us and the Griffin women?”  
Raven opened her eyes, surprised that she wasn’t being scolded by the younger girl.  
“That’s it? You’re not going to lecture me and tell me it’s a bad idea?”  
“Well, it is a bad idea. I don’t have to tell you that.”  
“Thanks.” Raven rolled her eyes. “Anyway, what stupid thing have you done today?”  
“I don’t know why we’re friends sometimes.”  
“Neiter do I, to be honest.” Raven smirked at her. “Now, tell me, what has you so freaked out?”  
“I kissed Clarke.”  
Raven waited for more to come, but when nothing did, she prompted the other girl. “And?”  
“And nothing. What do I do?”  
“Do you regret it?”  
Octavia quickly shook her head.  
“Did you not enjoy it?”  
Octavia’s eyes darkened at the memory. Raven chuckled when she saw the other girl’s response. “Okay, so what’s the problem?”  
Octavia sighed. “I don’t know what Clarke is feeling right now.”  
Raven rolled her eyes. “Then ask her.”  
“No.”  
“Is Octavia of the Sky People scared?”  
“Shut up.”  
“Look, did Clarke kiss you back?”  
Octavia nodded.  
“Then maybe you don’t have to talk about it right away. Just...see where it goes.”  
Octavia nodded again, then she dispelled a breath of relief. She walked to the door and before turning the handle, she turned to face Raven.  
“How would you answer those same questions?”  
Raven smiled shyly at her friend. “The same as you.”  
“Then maybe you don’t have to be so scared right now either.”  
“Who said I was scared?” Raven replied, but she was smirking.  
Octavia rolled her eyes, and walked out of the room. She stopped mid-stride when she saw Clarke sneaking the dog inside.  
Clarke looked at her sheepishly when she realized she was caught. “It’s getting colder outside, and I didn’t want him to freeze.”  
“He’s not sleeping in the bed.”  
Clarke grinned. Mouthed ‘thank you’ and led the dog into their room. When Octavia walked in after them, the dog was nowhere to be seen.  
“Let me guess, he’s hiding from me?”  
“Don’t take it personally.”  
But it was kind of hard not to. Octavia loved animals, and she especially wanted to be close to one that was so close to Clarke.  
They got ready for bed, awkwardly and in silence, before Octavia shut the light off and climbed into bed beside Clarke. Neither said a word other than a stilted “Good night.”  
The next morning, Octavia woke up alone in their bedroom. She tried not to let disappointment set in, but it was hard not to regret making things awkward with Clarke. Then she got ready for the day, and finally exited the bedroom. Only Abby was in awake and in the house.  
“Good morning. Or should I say afternoon.” Abby said when she saw the other girl.  
Octavia looked at the clock in the kitchen. “Did I really sleep past noon?”  
“You must’ve been exhausted.” Abby patted the seat next to her and Octavia sat down. “Clarke snuck the dog out of the house early this morning.”  
Octavia raised an eyebrow.   
“She didn’t see me, I was in the dining room...in the dark.”  
Octavia’s expression softened. “Did you sleep at all?”  
“A little.”  
“And where’s Raven?”  
“The boys stopped over a little while ago. Something about an air hockey rematch.”  
Octavia smiled.   
“I think I might head over there and see them all.”  
“I’m sure Lincoln misses you.” Abby stated coolly.  
Octavia blanched at the comment. “Yeah, I...see you later.”  
She hurried out of that house and across the yard to the other one. Raven and Monty yelled competitively at each other about some rule or another, Jasper tried to play referee, and Bellamy was nowhere to be seen. Lincoln, however, came quickly to greet Octavia as soon as she entered the noisy room.  
He hugged her roughly and swung her so her feet dangled on the ground. “Hi, Octavia. Please save me.”  
He smiled at her and let her feet land back on the ground. Then he walked toward the door and she obediently followed him outside. They walked closely, hands dangling freely between them, in a companionable silence. Octavia took in the sights around her. She idly wondered where   
Clarke was, and if she was okay.  
“You seem different.” Lincoln stated, and broke the serenity of her thoughts.  
“Different?”  
“Did you sleep well? Are you sick?” He wondered, concern laced his words.  
She waved off his statements with a gesture of her hand. “Yeah, just...adjusting.”  
“Do you not like it here?”  
“I do! It’s...it’s better than we could have hoped for.” She glanced at him. “Do you like it?”  
He nodded. “I like that you are happy and that we are safe. But everything else, I do not understand it or know if I want to.”  
“Clarke and I are working to make things more...comfortable and accepting toward the Grounders. There are a few here already, I’ve seen them. And more may come. We want this to be a home for everyone.”  
“You and Clarke.” It was a statement, an echo of what she had just said. But it carried so much weight and was delivered almost as a question.  
“They follow her lead.”  
“And yours.”  
Octavia nodded. They did listen to her. They respected her and she knew they needed her.  
“You know, among the Grounders...Clarke will be seen as a...god now. Their hero.”  
“What? Why?”  
“She alone vanquished their enemy. They have been at war since as long as I have been alive. They no nothing but killing. And now, one person. One girl. She brought them victory. She will be a legend.”  
Octavia furrowed her eyebrows and contemplated what she heard.  
“Clarke tries so hard to not be seen as a leader. You said she sees a monster not a hero when she thinks about what she has done. You have always wanted to save everybody. You want the Grounders to find peace, and you think it will be here, because of you and because of Clarke.” He stopped walking and looked at her seriously, almost in warning. “Someday you might have to choose between saving everyone, and saving Clarke.”  
Octavia didn’t want to think about the possibility of that happening. She didn’t want to have to be forced to make that choice. Because if she was honest with herself, she already knew what her decision would be. And the truth of the matter was, that decision would still cost her Clarke.

XXXXXX

Clarke spent most of the morning, and well into the afternoon, in the woods following her new companion around. She refused to name him, because she refused to admit that she might grow attached to him. She didn’t want another soul relying on her.  
She missed the tranquility of nature and found peace amongst the forest that surrounded her. Clarke briefly debated re-creating her old camp and carving the names in the trees, but decided against it. She had to try and let her past stay behind her; she had to try and move on. If she didn’t somehow find a way to let go, she knew that this newfound anger would never be vanquished.   
Clarke let her thoughts wander. Her mind raced from topic to topic, but the one most prevalent in   
her mind was Octavia. She tried to stop it, but when it didn’t work she had to settle for busying herself with the dog.   
Now that he allowed her to get close, and it was in the light of day, she was really able to see him. He had a few patches of missing fur, and walked with a limp. He was very jumpy, which she knew from yesterday’s experience, but he was a good dog. Probably no more broken than she was. Maybe that’s why he actually liked her. They were kindred spirits of sorts. Clarke found it oddly fascinating that even though they were both fidgeting and restless around others, they seemed to calm each other. Or maybe she was just overthinking things.   
When the sun had settled halfway across the sky, Clarke figured it was time to make her way back home. The dog obediently followed as she made her way through the winding path around the trees. She heard laughter spill from the backyard as soon as she neared the edge of the treeline. The dog stilled just as she did, before they both slowly left their seclusion and entered back into the world of the living.  
Jasper, Monty and some of the other people from the Ark were playing soccer. Although, upon closer inspection, it looked as if they were teaching the game to a few of the locals. Clarke stalled when she saw Murphy was among the people playing the game. She allowed herself a quick moment of contemplation before she walked hesitantly toward the makeshift soccer field.  
At first, the kids yelled in protest when she walked through the center of their game, but silence fell upon them all when they realized that it was Clarke who interrupted them.  
Murphy stood stock still as Clarke walked pointedly toward him. The sudden silence brought Octavia, Raven and Abby out of their house as they stood and watched the scene unfold. Clarke reached the nervous looking boy, enveloped him in her arms, and whispered to him with an even but pleading tone.  
“I am so sorry for how I treated you, and for the things I said to you the last time I saw you.”   
The boy just stood there numbly.  
“I never believed that you changed, but you did, and you wanted me to see it.” She tightened her hold on him. “And I am sorry for not seeing it then.”  
He nodded and slowly raised his arms to hug her as well. “Thank you, Clarke.”  
His voice came out steady, but he spoke with a relief he hadn’t known he needed until that moment. He knew Clarke was in the City, everyone did. He had heard the stories of her being their savior and he also heard whispers of just how much that title had cost her. But it wasn’t until this moment that he realized that he still saw her as Clarke. The girl who only saw him as a criminal. The leader respected and feared by the other hundred. She was the one person who could have taken this new paradise away from him. She could have called him out on all that he had done, and again he may have been banished. It seemed that time had changed both of them.  
“I’m sorry too, Clarke.” He whispered. “I know how hard you tried to save everyone. I’m sorry that you couldn’t.”  
Her breath hitched, but she didn’t respond verbally. She hugged him tighter as she nodded in acknowledgement. Then she was gone.  
Murphy stood there speechless as he saw the girl disappear into her house. When he looked down, he saw a dog staring at him with its teeth bared. It frightened him, but he tried not to show fear. The sound of a whistle pierced the eerie quiet, and immediately the dog followed its master   
inside the house. The rest of the crowd looked on in awe.  
A moment or so later, the game resumed, but the easy laughter did not.   
“So we have an indoor dog now?” Abby asked when she walked inside and saw the dog on the couch, chewing on something. “What is that in his mouth? Is that a shoe?”  
The dog looked properly scolded and dropped the shoe. Octavia carefully made her way to the couch with outstretched hands. She paused a foot away, and waited for the dog to sniff her. When he seemed to become accustomed to her presence, she sat on the couch beside Clarke.   
The blonde smiled at her encouragingly, and then Octavia allowed herself to bury her face in the dog’s soft fur.  
Raven chuckled softly at the scene. “See Octavia, you and your annoying perseverance won you another loyal friend.”  
Octavia turned to yell at Raven when she noticed that the chewed up shoe on the floor was her own. She picked it up and pouted. “That was mine.”  
Clarke took it from her and tossed it on the floor; so the dog to jumped off the couch and chased it. Happily, he gnawed at it.  
Octavia’s pout deepened. “Hey.”  
“Relax.” Clarke dropped a quick kiss on her lips before she walked passed her and toward the kitchen. “We can always get you more shoes.”  
Clarke didn’t seem to realize what she had done, but the three brunettes were in varying states of shock.  
Before anything further was said, there was a loud knock on the door. The dog barked loudly at the impending intruder. Abby was the first to recover, so she walked to the door and greeted the guest.  
“Good afternoon. I was wondering if Clarke and Octavia were home.”  
Abby stepped aside and let the tall blonde walk through the door, then closed it behind her.  
“You have a dog.” The woman stated with amusement.  
“He sort of found us.” Clarke said before smiling at her guest. “What brings you here, Caprica?”  
“Actually, I prefer to go by the name Magdalene now.” Her eyes found Octavia’s. “A good friend told me that the best way to not be seen as a machine was to have an actual name and not a number.”  
“Machine?” Raven and Abby breathed out in confusion.  
Magdalene’s eyes widened only slightly. “I am a Cylon, a man-made….robot. I am one of the last of my kind.”  
Clarke touched her forearm comfortingly. “No, you are Magdalene. A woman who is beautiful, kind, and has a good heart.”  
Octavia nodded. “Yes, you’re a great friend and also kind of badass, which is important.”  
Raven smiled. “Very important.”   
Contentment washed over the woman’s face. “It’s getting easier and easier for me to see myself the way you see me.” She looked at Clarke and then Octavia. “And it’s nice to be seen the way I always wanted to be seen.”  
Abby hugged the woman without preamble. “I count you among my friends as well, and who you are or who you aren’t....none of it changes that.”  
“I was hoping you all would feel that way.” Magdalene told them honestly. “It’s sort of what   
brought me here today.”  
She followed the others into the living room, where they all made themselves comfortable before they resumed their conversation.  
“What is it that you wanted to talk about?” Clarke asked again.  
The older woman reached in her pocket, and pulled out a book. “You spoke about accepting us all as we were. To embrace our differences, and recognize our beliefs, values and traditions. Is that something you intend to follow through on?”  
“Yes, of course.” Octavia replied.  
Magdalene smiled. “The biggest difference between myself and the others is that they acknowledge and pray to the gods. I believe in just one God.” She handed the book to Clarke, a Holy Bible. “I found this book, and other religious books like it. They all describe one God. It is proof that I was not alone, that the Cylons were created by people who read from these books, who passed their beliefs on to us.”  
Clarke flipped through the pages slowly as she listened.  
“I know that I will never be seen equal by some, and I have come to accept that truth. But it would be nice if I could get some sort of validation that I’m not alone in this. That I’m not wrong in my beliefs.”  
“Oh, honey.” Abby replied. “Your beliefs are yours. You’re not wrong in them if you belief in the truth of them.”  
“If I am not wrong because I believe in the truth of these words, and the others are not wrong because they believe in the truth of their stories. Then who is wrong?”  
“I don’t know that answer.” Abby said honestly.  
“I’ll read your book, and if you wish to discuss it with me in the meantime, perhaps you won’t feel so alone in what you belief.” Clarke said as she held the book closely to her chest. “I think we all can use a little something to believe in.”  
“And while we’re on the subject, what other traditions do you wish to have acknowledged?” Octavia asked.  
“A church. They all have temples for offerings to their gods. I wish to have a place to worship mine.”  
“Okay. Anything else?”  
“Well, they honor the heroes of Earth, as they should. There have been some great people who have done some honorable and wonderful things. But since we’ve been on Earth, we discovered who created the first robot. A sort of artificial intelligence that eventually made way for Cylons. I know that we have started a war against humankind, and I am among the worst offenders, but not all machines started out bad. There is one, A.L.I.E. who is responsible for leading Thelonious to us and helping us find you. She was also the prototype of our kind. Without her, without those who created her....I would not exist.”  
“You want your ancestors to be honored and remembered as well.” Octavia deduced from the other woman’s speech.  
“Yes.”  
“I don’t think that any of those requests are beyond what you deserve.” Abby replied.  
“Thank you.” She answered quietly.  
They chatted amicably after that, talking about things far less serious. After a while, Magdalene   
excused herself to go home.  
“That woman would do anything for you, Clarke.” Abby said conversationally.  
Abby had been focused on her daughter, but Raven didn’t miss the petulant look that passed across Octavia’s face. She smirked to herself and shook her head.  
“What do you mean?” Clarke asked.  
“I know you don’t fancy yourself anyone’s hero, but that woman idolizes you.”  
Clarke shook her head. “She understands me. And I don’t know if you’d be as supportive if you understood just how alike we are.”  
“Yup, both have blonde hair and blue eyes, and are absolutely stunning.” Raven teased. Then she looked at Octavia. “Remember when you tried to insult her when you first met. She said that you weren’t as tall as she pictured and you said that she was very...pretty.”  
Clarke laughed at the memory, and Abby smiled in amusement at the entire situation. However, when a right hook landed squarely on Raven’s left jaw, she realized that maybe she had taken things a bit too far. Octavia marched out of the room. Abby doted on Raven like the doctor she was, and Clarke was confused by the whole situation. She looked at her dog, and he was hiding in the corner chewing on another shoe. One that also happened to be Octavia’s.   
Clarke made the decision to walk into their shared bedroom and was surprised that Octavia wasn’t in it. She glanced around and saw the brunette standing in the darkened dining room instead.  
“I guess I’m not the only one with some residual anger issues.” Clarke told the other girl.  
“I don’t know why I got so mad.” Octavia replied.  
Clarke nodded. She wasn’t going to make Octavia try and explain something that she didn’t understand herself.  
“This painting is beautiful, Clarke. Why do you keep it hidden?”  
Clarke glanced at the piece and shrugged. “I didn’t know it was here. I figured I ruined it when I had my explosion yesterday. Mom must have saved it.”  
“We should hang it up. It shouldn’t stay hidden in the dark.” Octavia looked at Clarke. “Does the idea of being a hero to someone scare you?”  
“I’m not her hero, I told you that…”  
“You didn’t answer the question. If people were to...idolize you. Make you into some big hero, the Legend of Clarke Griffin.” She watched for the girl’s reaction. “How would that make you feel?”  
Clarke pushed past her and made some distance between them.  
“I’m not a hero, Octavia. I’m a monster. A mass murderer. No one should idolize that.”  
Octavia nodded sadly. When Clarke walked out of the room, she sighed to herself. “She isn’t the only person who would do anything for you.”

XXXXXXX

Over the next few weeks, Abby carefully watched as things slowly started to change with Clarke. Her daughter started painting more often, usually outside while Octavia tended to President Roslin’s requests throughout the day. Apparently, she and Lincoln had been asked to teach the President and her closest confidants how to speak the language of the Grounders.  
Abby noticed how Clarke was more restless without Octavia around. The painting seemed to   
distract her for awhile, but it was the dog that had been best at calming her. Her small fits of anger would surface every so often, and always at unpredictable times. Oddly enough, Abby noticed how even though Clarke seemed happier when Octavia was present, she had also taken out the brunt of her anger on the smaller girl as well.  
Clarke did, however, seem to adjust well to a routine. When Bellamy kept her company, he would talk animatedly while she painted and listened dutifully. When Jasper and Monty came over, they watched movies together with Raven and often times, Abby would join them. But when it was just Raven and Clarke, Abby kept her distance and allowed the girls to listen to some music. Clarke usually read out from the Bible that Magdalene brought her, and Raven would listen intently and ask questions. Octavia would always join in when she got home, no matter what the activity would be.  
Today, things changed a little bit. Magdalene stopped by for a visit shortly after breakfast. Clarke was alone in the dinning room, only because it had been too cold that day to spend it outside. When the other woman walked in the room, she noticed a Bible, other than the one she had given to Clarke, sitting on a chair.   
Clarke watched her pick it up and look at it thoughtfully. “We’ve been reading it and Octavia got another copy at the library so we could mark our favorite passages from it. We didn’t want to ruin the one you gave us.”  
The other woman nodded.   
“It’s interesting, that you don’t have to read it all in order. You told me that, it’s just...I’ve been reading some on my own. We’re all reading it together as a group, starting at the beginning. But I’ve looked up some of the passages you mentioned last week.”  
Magdalene sat in the chair she just took the book from, and gave all of her attention to the younger girl.  
“I found out where you got your name.” Clarke told her. “Mary Magdalene. The woman with tons of demons. She had been cured of her torment, and became one of the most avid followers of Jesus. She would do anything for the person who saved her.”  
The older blonde nodded again. “It’s one of my favorite stories in the whole book. But a lot of the stories deal with redemption.”  
Clarke nodded in agreement. “My favorite so far is Paul. He was the villain of the story. He was the worst kind of person there could be. And he, too, found redemption and changed his name from Saul to Paul.”  
The dog trotted in the room and curled up next to Clarke’s feet; she continued to speak as she ran her fingers through his coat.   
“The others like the stories, too. My mom is partial to Genesis, but Raven likes the story of Ester.”  
“And Octavia?”  
Clarke shrugged, her featured turned sad. “So far she likes the stories of Samson and Delilah, and David and Goliath. Oh, and Noah!”  
“You miss her.” The other woman stated factually.  
“I get that she’s doing important work.” She patted her lap and the dog quickly leaped on her and she hugged him fiercely. “What’s wrong with President Roslin?”  
“She’s sick.”  
“She’s dying.” Clarke corrected and received a nod in return. “And she’s trying to groom Octavia as her successor.”  
Magdalene knew that Clarke would easily figure it out. So she didn’t bother hiding it from the girl. “She had wanted you, but Octavia is a better choice.”  
“Because I’m crazy.”  
“No, because you don’t want to lead anymore, and because you’ll still help Octavia.”  
“We’re supposed to be kids. To have time to relax and enjoy...this.”  
“Do you think that you’ll enjoy it more with someone less caring than Octavia leading us?”  
Clarke knew the answer to that question, but it didn’t help her feel any less saddened by the truth. “Does Octavia know?”  
“She’s as smart as you are, I’m sure she’s figured it out.”  
“But she hasn’t told me.”  
“She likely has her reasons.”  
Clarke’s eyes were downcast, but she kept her attention on the conversation. “We’ve been thinking about having a study group or service or something each week down by the library. There’s a small room there that Octavia said isn’t being used for anything. And besides you and the four of us in this house, I think Lincoln and maybe even Bellamy would join. And Octavia said she talked to President Roslin, and she said that she’d be interested as well as Apollo. Athena said she’s not ready, but I think she’ll come around. It’s a small room, but it’ll be big enough for all of us. Raven already started decorating it.” Clarke started to get more excited the longer she spoke. “She found some old books in the library that showed her how to make some sort of sanctuary out of that room. We’ll have candles and she hooked up a radio and speakers so we can play some music. We wanted it to be a surprise, but I think you should have a say in what we do. It was your idea after all.”  
The older woman reverently ran her hands across the cover of the Bible that she still held in her hands. “I found some other books, like I mentioned before. I would like to include them in our lesson. Maybe we could read passages from all of them. If you think that would be okay.”  
“I think that sounds wonderful.”  
“Great. Oh, and Clarke?”   
Clarke raised her eyes to meet the woman sitting across from her.  
“Name that dog of yours. He deserves to know that he matters to you.”  
She hadn’t thought of it that way. She had been too worried about not getting attached, that she didn’t realize that the dog needed her as much as she needed him. Sure, they were both survivors, but that didn’t mean that they didn’t need people.  
“I think....” She thought about how this dog had survived the destruction of Earth, and was now around for its rebuilding. “Phoenix.”  
Magdalene smiled and nodded her acceptance of the name. “I think it’s perfect.”  
She stood from her chair and reached over to pet him. “What do you think boy? Do you like that name?”  
Clarke smiled at the interaction. It was times like these that she could scarcely believe that this woman was ever seen as inhuman.  
She stood up, which caused Phoenix to scurry off her and out of the room. Then she hugged her friend. “That you for your honesty. I needed it.”  
“And thank you for reading the book.”  
“Are you kidding me? I feel like it’s changing my life.”  
The other woman smiled happily. “It changed mine, too.”  
Clarke walked her friend out. When she made her way back toward her bedroom, she saw Octavia’s hairbrush lying on the ground so she picked it up, and then she looked at the dog.  
“Hey, Phoenix.” She waited for him to hustle over to her before she playfully tossed him the brush. “Who’s a good boy?”  
She smirked as she walked toward the kitchen and found Raven and Abby talking closely with each other as they made dinner. They looked up when she entered.  
“What’d she have to say?”  
Clarke shrugged. “Just catching up.”  
Abby nodded. Raven walked around the counter and saw the dog chewing on Octavia’s brush.   
“Clarke? Aren’t you going to take that away from your dog?”  
Clarke walked nonchalantly up to the counter and rested her arms on it as she watched Phoenix with his new toy. “Why would I take it away when I was the one who gave it to him?”  
“Clarke?!” Abby scolded.  
“Oh, and he has a name now. It’s Pheonix.” Clarke popped a piece of tomato in her mouth, and walked back into the living room, leaving the two women to gape at her.  
She didn’t liven up when Octavia entered the room this time. Abby watched their interaction from the kitchen.   
“Guess what we did today?” Octavia said as she sat down next to Clarke, unaware that Clarke was not happy to see her.  
“President Roslin took me to speak with some of the Grounder families. It was the first time she was able to speak to them in their native tongue. It was an amazing thing to experience.”  
She saw the look of proud excitement on Octavia’s face and knew that reaching out to those Grounders meant the world to the other girl. That realization only made her feel guilty for being so angry with Octavia about her absence.  
Before taking her anger with herself out on the other girl, Clarke stood up quietly and walked outside.  
Octavia stared at her retrieving body in confusion, and then her eyes landed on the stupid dog chewing on her brush. “Really?!”   
She stood up and stormed to her room.  
“What just happened?” Raven asked when she was left alone with Abby.

XXXXXXX

President Roslin ushered Magdalene inside her living room and sat down beside the other woman. “You requested to see me?”  
“Clarke knows you’re dying.”  
Roslin nodded in understanding. “I’ll ask Octavia to officially be my successor tomorrow then.”  
“Don’t.”  
“What?”  
“Things are...rough between them right now. Let them spend some time together, let them be   
kids. Let Octavia have the chance to explain things to Clarke. Because if you rush this, and Clarke is not on board...then everything you have worked for...we have worked for...it will all be for nothing.”  
“You think a few days will fix things? Because you know as well as I do that my time’s running out.”  
“I think that we have to continue to have faith in both of them, and trust that the small amount of time we do have left is enough for them to work through whatever it is that’s separating them.”  
“You should have seen Octavia today. She was wonderful. And she truly cares about the people we spoke with today.”  
“Did you not truly care?”  
“I care deeply. Clarke was right about Octavia. She has been through hell and back, but that girl has not lost her innocence the way we have. She’s not jaded or wary at the ways of the world. She still chooses to see the best in people. The people respond to her in a way I’ve never seen before. Clarke is a legend, an ideal that people aspire to. But Octavia is of the people. She gets them on a personal level that Clarke is unable to do right now. You were right as well, we do need both of them.”  
“And if we give them some time, let them sort things out...we will have both of them. And our future will be better for it.”  
Roslin smiled fondly at her friend. “Who would have thought when the war ended, that it would be you and I assuring peace for our people?”  
The blonde took her President’s hand in her own. “Who would have thought that you would consider me as one of your people, and that I would believe you?”  
“We’ve come a long way.”  
“We have a long way to go.”  
She let go of the woman’s hand, bid her “goodbye” and returned home. Gaius was waiting for her.  
“Where’ve you been?”  
“First to Clarke’s then with President Roslin.”  
“Of course, Clarke. Most of our conversations tend to be about her or that other one these days.”   
“The other one is Octavia. And you said that you admired them.”  
“I admire the ingenuity it took those children to not only save their people, but to come here and assimilate so easily here amongst ours.”  
“You have to stop looking at it as us and them. We are all in this together now.”  
He sat down but didn’t respond.   
“You know, Gaius. I used to think that you saying that you needed and accepted me was the best I could get. I wanted so desperately to be seen as your equal, but I never will be. Will I?”  
“What are you going on about?”  
“I thought that your acceptance is what I craved. But I think that I was still seeking absolution for what you and I had done. You were the only person on Earth who carried the same kind of guilt I do. I thought that if you could see past it and see me, that others would too. But the truth is, I’m not alone anymore. And I don’t need you.”  
“You’re leaving me?”  
“I know that I deserve better now. That I’m not alone in the universe. And that people can look at   
me not only as their equal, but as their friend. And that’s better than anything I had ever hoped to receive from you.”  
“Roslin is dying and when she does, this whole flimsy peace she’s trying to create here will go to Hell with her. And instead of worrying about how we can fix it, how we can save mankind….you’re placing your faith solely on a bunch of...children.”  
She shook her head and spoke to him in a way she hadn’t dared to before. “I’m not worrying about saving mankind, because it has already been saved. I am focusing on ensuring that when President Roslin dies, those children will give us a future brighter than even Roslin could have hoped for.”  
“And how do you propose to do that?”  
“I have faith, Gaius. Do you?”

XXXXXX

Dinner was awkward and uncharacteristically quiet.   
“Okay, enough is enough.” Abby said through gritted teeth.   
“Mom.”  
“No, Clarke, you will sit there and listen until I’m finished with what I have to say.”  
Clarke angrily slammed her hand down on table causing Phoenix to bark in response.   
“Sorry Phoenix.” She cooed to the dog before petting him softly around his ears.  
“He has a name? Since when?” Octavia asked.  
“Today. You would have had a say in the name if you’d have been around...at all.”  
“I told you what I was doing.”   
“Yeah, I know. So did Magdalene.”  
“She was here?”  
“Yeah, she told me how important it was that he had a name.” She continued to scratch behind his ears and then handed him the brush that was sitting beside him.  
“That’s my brush.” Octavia muttered.  
“Looks like you’ll have to pick up a new one next time you're out.”   
“Or you could always ask your new friend to bring him some dog toys next time she comes for a visit.”  
“Maybe I will.”  
“Well...good.”   
“Come on, boy.” Clarke stood up.  
“He has a name now.” Octavia spat out.  
Clarke glared at her then whistled and Phoenix followed her outside.  
“What’s her problem?!” Octavia picked up her discarded and drool covered brush, gagged at the sight of it, and then threw it in the trash. “If I knew she was going to be such a bitch, I would’ve planned on crashing with Bellamy and Lincoln.”  
“Right, like that would have solved anything.” Raven drolled out.  
“Alright, Reyes, tell me what you know?”  
“Anger is easy. Sometimes it lets people mask the fact that they’re jealous.” She told the younger girl pointedly, and she smirked when Octavia glared at her. “Or that they miss their best friend.”  
“I’m not jealous and you don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“Then you wouldn’t mind hearing about how long their hung lasted, or the way that they smiled at each other when…”  
“It’s not going to work, because I’m not jealous.” Octavia replied through gritted teeth.  
“And the little heart eyes that Magdalene gets every time she looks at Clarke.” Raven smirked when she saw Octavia stiffen. “No, wait. That was you.”  
“Shut up.”   
She started to walk away before she paused and looked at Raven. Octavia’s mouth opened in realization before she forced it closed. She looked anxiously at the other girl and spoke quietly.  
“So...you’re saying that Clarke misses me?”  
“What does it matter? You said I didn’t know what I was talking about.”  
“Ahhh!” Octavia stormed out of the kitchen and into her bedroom; she slammed the door shut behind her.  
“That last part was mean and completely unnecessary.” Abby said with a smile.  
“But it was fun.” Raven said as she popped up on her tiptoes and gave the other woman a quick peck on the lips. “And so was that.”  
Abby and Raven had watched their second movie when Clarke finally made her way inside, she shivered severely from the cold.  
“W-winter is c-coming.” Clarke stuttered through her chattering teeth.   
“Clarke, honey.” Abby rushed up to drape a blanket around her daughter and pulled her on the couch between her and Raven. “Why did you stay out there so long without a coat? It’s freezing.”   
Her cheeks were ashen and her fingers were turning pink.  
Octavia slowly came out of the bedroom when she heard the commotion in the living room. She sheepishly made her way toward the others when her eyes took in Clarke’s appearance.  
“Clarke!” She rushed to her and held her face in her hands. The blonde was bitterly cold to the touch. “You idiot. You’re going to get sick.”  
“I’m….f-f-fine.”  
“I’ll go make some hot chocolate.” Raven said as she stood up and stalked to the kitchen.  
“I’ll grab more blankets.” Abby said before she retreated to her room.  
Octavia had yet to withdraw her hands from either side of Clarke’s face. “What were you thinking?”  
“That I-I was m-mad at you.”  
Octavia climbed on the couch and cuddled beside Clarke, wrapping the blanket around both of them as she shared her body heat with the other girl. Clarke instinctively pulled her closer.  
“Be as mad as you want at me, but please never endanger yourself. Yell at me. Scream your head off if you need to. I can take it.”  
Clarke shook her head. “You shouldn’t have to.”  
“I already told you, Clarke. We can get through this. I’m not going anywhere, and I don’t scare easily.”  
Abby walked back in with a pile of blankets; she draped one over both girls and then decided on another. She saved the remaining two so she and Raven could each have one. Raven came in minutes later with four hot chocolates.  
“So, should we start another movie?”   
Clarke was asleep before the next movie was halfway finished. Octavia’s eyes slowly lost their battle to sleep as well.   
“Hey.” Abby whispered as she nudged Octavia in the shoulder. “Why don’t you get Clarke to bed, you both look exhausted.”  
Octavia yawned, which proved Abby’s point, then she lethargically stood up and pulled at Clarke to wake her.  
“Clarke, sweetie.”  
“Hmmm.”   
“It’s bedtime, come on.”  
Clarke made no attempt to move and Octavia sighed dejectedly.  
“Why don’t you just head on to bed. Clarke can sleep here for the night, she’s got Pheonix for company in case she has nightmares. She’ll be fine.” Abby explained.  
Octavia yawned again and, without thinking, she pressed a kiss to Clarke’s temple. Then she scuffed her way to her room.  
“Why are they both so oblivious?” Raven sighed in faux annoyance.  
“I don’t think either of them is ready for any kind of relationship yet, and I’m not about to encourage one.” Abby told her as she helped Clarke stretch out on the couch and covered her to her neck with blankets.  
“Whatever.” Raven said before she tiredly made her way to her own bedroom.  
Abby stroked her daughter’s hair softly and watched her sleep for awhile. Just as she was ready to go to her own room, Octavia stumbled out of her bedroom and stopped when she saw Abby.  
Her sleepy eyes widened as she blushed. “I...I couldn’t sleep. It’s too dark in there, and...lonely.”  
Abby stood up and allowed Octavia to crawl on the couch next to Clarke, who immediately curled herself into the smaller girl.  
Abby shook her head in amusement, then leaned down and kissed the top of Octavia’s head. “Take care of my little girl.”  
“Always.” Octavia whispered back with a sigh as she let herself fall asleep with Clarke wrapped around her.  
Abby made it three steps out of the room when she heard Pheonix hop on the couch. He settled himself at their feet and rested his head on their legs. The whole scene looked adorably domestic, and Abby had to rethink her position against encouraging their relationship. It was clear that they both desperately needed each other. 

XXXXX

Clarke didn’t remember how she ended up falling asleep on the couch, or why Octavia was beside her and not kissing the President’s ass and making house calls all around the city. But she wasn’t going to complain about it, not when she felt so comfortable and warm. She planned on going back to sleep, but Phoenix had different ideas.  
“Of course you're up.” She muttered as she awkwardly crawled out from behind Octavia and led the dog outside so he could go the bathroom.   
Then she decided that she needed to go the bathroom herself; and brushed her teeth and changed her clothes as well. When she walked back into the living room, Octavia sat wide   
awake on the couch. The small brunette had crazy bed head, and was adorably wrapped up in the blankets. Though, Clarke would never admit that part of it to her. She silently walked across the room and let Pheonix back inside the house.  
“I’m sorry I’ve been away so much.” Octavia apologized quietly as Clarke approached her.  
“And I’m sorry that I gave Pheonix your hair brush.” Clarke admitted when she collapsed beside the other girl. “Why didn’t you tell me that Roslin was grooming you to take over when she dies?”   
Octavia stared at Clarke with wide eyes.  
“I figured it may be true, but she never said one way or another. I didn’t want to...worry you if I was just seeing something that wasn’t there.” She faced Clarke. “I’m guessing our special friend told you yesterday.”  
“It’s not her fault.” Clarke defended. “You should’ve been the one who told me.”  
“And I told you why I didn’t.”  
When Raven emerged from her bedroom, Clarke glanced at Octavia. “We’ll finish this later.” She paused uneasily. “When you get back from wherever it is you’re going today.”  
“I’m not going, if the President calls…”  
“You’ll tell the President ‘No.’” Clarke replied incredulously.  
“Well, yeah.”  
“You don’t have to do that.” Clarke answered despondently. “I didn’t get to say it yesterday, but I am proud of you. I think you’re doing amazing things, and I really can’t think of a better person to lead us...I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.”  
“You think that being a leader will change me.”   
Raven pretended to rummage around in the cupboards, but she wasn’t very subtle about trying to eavesdrop.  
“We’ll talk about this later.” Clarke replied before she also went into the kitchen.  
“Morning.” Raven greeted without looking behind her. When she found what she was looking for, she smiled contentedly. “Whoever invented pop tarts is a god among men.”  
“But only the blueberry ones, huh?” Octavia said, as she took residence beside Clarke.  
“They are the best ones. But these cinnamon ones are good, too.”  
Any further discussion was interrupted by a knock on the door.   
“Come in!” Raven yelled around a mouth full of food.  
“Charming.” Octavia commented as she rolled her eyes.  
Magdalene walked through the living room and came to a stop in the kitchen. “Good morning.”  
“Oh, hey!” Clarke replied at the sight of the tall blonde.  
“I brought you the books I told you about.” She waved a Torah and a Quran in Clarke’s direction. “I figured you could read through them before we make any decisions about our study group.”  
“You told her?!” Octavia moaned. “It was going to be a surprise.”  
Clarke shrugged. “I figured she had a right to make some decisions, too, since it was her idea to begin with.”  
“It sounds like you two had a nice long talk yesterday.” Octavia muttered.  
“We did.” Magdalene replied obliviously. “I also had a good talk with the President, and you don’t have to report to her for the next several days. She’s got other things to attend to.”  
“Thank you.” Clarke smiled honestly.  
“I just figured, with how sad you were yesterday, that you would like some time together. It wasn’t   
right of us to keep you apart.”  
Octavia’s defensive stance relaxed and she looked at the other woman gratefully. “I had planned on staying home today, so this is a good surprise. Thank you.”  
The other woman beamed at her. “Well…” She thrust her books toward Clarke. “These are for you. I have my own errands to run today. I was going to go look at that room you mentioned, the one in the library.”  
“Oh, did you want me to show you what we have finished so far?” Raven injected herself into the conversation.  
She grabbed another pop tart for the road and led Magdalene out the door. Clarke and Octavia stood in the kitchen awkwardly for a few minutes until Octavia couldn’t take the silence anymore. She walked into the bathroom and washed her face, ran her hands through her hair, and stared at her reflection in the mirror.  
After she brushed her teeth, she walked into her bedroom and changed her clothes. In all the time that she had quietly gotten ready, she tried to think about what she wanted to say to Clarke. What she needed to say to her. But Clarke beat her to it, when she walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.  
“I don’t think that being our leader will change you.” Clarke told her honestly. “I told President Roslin as much when I talked through our negotiation over a month ago. I told her how you were the best person I knew, and that even after all you have been through, it hadn’t changed you. It hadn’t hardened your heart. You’re a better leader than I ever could have been. It’s because of me that you’re in the position you’re in now, so I have no right to be upset about it.”  
“But you are?”  
“I wanted us all to be free to live. Not to saddle you with a burden that I couldn’t handle.”  
“Oh, Clarke.” Octavia stepped toward her. “I can handle it, if you’re there with me.” She held the girl’s steady gaze. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to tell me that you didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to…”  
Clarke kissed her roughly as she backed her against the wall. She stepped away slightly; to give Octavia a chance to back away if she wanted to. But instead, the brunette pulled her impossibly closer and re-attached their lips. Eventually, the frantic pace of the kiss slowed into a lazy one, and then Clarke pulled away to rest her forehead against Octavia’s.  
“You could never disappoint me.” Clarke told her reverently.  
Octavia licked her lips and stared into Clarke’s eyes, searching for the validity of the statement. She kissed her softly when she found it. Both girls smiled into the kiss until Abby’s voice rang out near the bedroom door.  
“Girls? Where is everyone?”  
They jumped apart and were a safe distance away from each other when the door opened and Abby’s head appeared.  
“Oh, well, Magdalene stopped by and told Octavia that she has the next few days free. Then she and Raven went to the library to finish working on that sanctuary we’re building for her.” Clarke explained as she walked from the room and her mother’s gaze followed her questioningly.  
“And now we’re trying to decide what to do with the rest of the day, since I now have it completely free.” Octavia finished as evenly as she could muster.  
Abby nodded at the answer she was given. Then she walked toward the kitchen. “Does that   
mean you girls already ate?”  
“No!” The girls blurted out in union.  
Octavia sat at the table awkwardly. “I, for one, am starving.”  
“Well, it looks like pancakes it is then.” Abby announced as Clarke sat at the table across from Octavia and they shared a small smile. “Maybe the two of you could stop by the store today and pick up a few things. I heard that Phoenix could use a few toys.”  
“Well if someone didn’t find entertainment in giving him my things, then I wouldn’t be needing new things all the time.” Octavia replied with very little hostility.  
Clarke shrugged. “Maybe he just missed you and wanted some attention.”  
Octavia’s mouth dropped open and she looked at Clarke with amusement.  
“Well, I will be home the next few days. I guess I’ll plan to give him all my attention.”  
Clarke rolled her eyes and shook her head. “He’ll probably get sick of you.”  
“I doubt it.”  
“Mmmm? Did you guys say something?” Abby looked at them as she brushed some hair out of her face with the back of her hand and left pancake mix on her cheek.  
“No, Mom. You didn’t miss a thing.” Clarke smiled.

XXXXXXX

The next few days flew by with Clarke and Octavia happier than either of them had been in a while. They stole kisses every chance they got, and spent their nights making out. Clarke had settled into a routine again, one she enjoyed. Octavia was torn between helping everyone else, and enjoying her own happiness with Clarke. She cared about the other girl more than she was willing to admit. The truth was, she knew she had fallen a while ago. They never talked about what had changed between them though, and she didn’t want to ruin it. But it was getting harder and harder to ignore. And to hide.  
Clarke didn’t often let anyone view her art pieces until she was finished. Everyone learned that the hard way, when they suffered from one of her outbursts. As a result, they tended to maintain their distance when Clarke was in the dinning room painting. The harsh cold weather kept her from going outside, and she often complained that there wasn’t enough natural light to really capture the essence in her paintings.  
It was because of this that Octavia warily wandered through the doorway, even after Clarke called for her.  
“Yeah?” She asked, hesitating just inside the room.  
Clarke glanced at her and smiled. “Come in, I want to show you something.”  
Octavia nodded and took a few steps forward before Clarke raised her hands to halt her.  
“First, I need to explain something.” She again waited for Octavia to nod her acceptance. “I’ve been working on a piece to put in the sanctuary. I was going to surprise Magdalene with it at our opening ceremony. But I wanted to see what you thought of it first.”  
She held her hand out for Octavia to take as the girl walked around the canvas and stood behind the still seated Clarke.  
Octavia was always in awe of the pictures Clarke painted. So much so, that she bore the brunt of the outbursts as she fought Clarke about having them displayed throughout the house. She   
wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck from behind, and leaned into her with an affectionate embrace.  
She studied the painting, because she also knew from experience that answering too soon was seen as an insult to Clarke. Because she needed to “experience” the painting before she could comment on it. So she studied it in silence, and then she kissed Clarke’s temple and whispered.  
“It’s...perfect. I don’t know how else to say it, but it’s perfect for the sanctuary and I know she’ll love it.”  
Clarke held onto Octavia’s arms as the girl continued to hug her. She leaned back into the embrace with contentment.  
“We’ve been speaking a lot about redemption and salvation and what they mean...what they really mean. I know that the different books say different things, but this is my favorite.”  
Octavia nodded. They had been reading a lot of books together lately, mostly the ones Magdalene had given them. They had different stories and different variations of similar beliefs, but as they studied them, she couldn’t see much difference between them. They all spoke of what humanity meant, how to be a worthwhile human being, and to live with purpose. And most of all, at least for Octavia, was the overwhelming amount of hope all of them offered.  
But she did agree with Clarke, the scene so beautifully painted in front of her; this was her favorite.  
Octavia had been worried that things would change in the days counting down to when she would officially be asked to be President Roslin’s successor. Clarke had promised her that nothing would change between them, but that wasn’t as reassuring as Octavia wanted it to be. Because, in all honesty, she had wanted things to change between them for quite some time. The kissing was wonderful, the impromptu late night makeout sessions were even better. But they were still stuck in the same place. Or at least Clarke seemed to be.  
Clarke was happier now, which truly was astounding all on its own; but despite the occasional bursts of anger, she was still stuck on regret. Octavia had been able to maneuver, with Raven’s help, through the outbursts and deduce the actual emotion that was affecting Clarke. Raven had been right (though she would never admit that out loud). Anger was easier to show to the world than whatever it was that was really the problem.   
And even if the root wasn’t regret, that was something that Clarke spoke about often. Or more often than Octavia would like. Because despite everything they had been through: the lives lost, the tough decisions that had been made, the lives saved, the balancing between winning a war at all costs, and maintaining some semblance of humanity. No matter how much it cost them all, and no matter how much she hated that she hurt Lincoln in the process, she didn’t think she would do much differently. How could she regret any of it, if in the end it gave her Clarke?  
It was that thought that had her initiate a make-out session with Clarke that quickly escalated to them finding their way to their bedroom. Soon clothes were quickly discarded as they reached the bed, and Octavia pushed Clarke down on it. They hadn’t gone this far before, but Octavia had every intention of going further as long as Clarke didn’t stop her. When she gazed down at Clarke for confirmation, and the other girl just pulled her roughly into another kiss, Octavia didn’t look back. She had never really been one to dwell on regret.  
Afterwards, she lay hazardly draped across Clarke. Both tried to contain not only their breathing, but their rapidly beating hearts.  
Octavia knew not to talk about it. They had yet to discuss what they were becoming, or what they already were. They were best friends who kissed, and now they are best friends who slept together. She told herself that it was enough for her. And she tried desperately to believe it.

XXXXX

Magdalene had warned them the night before, that today would be the day that it would be made official. Last night, she and Clarke had engaged in their most passionate sex yet. Of course, Octavia wasn’t complaining. But it did make her worry a little, that perhaps Clarke was just as scared as she was about what being a leader would mean in regards to them. As Octavia lay awake, before the sun even thought about making an appearance, she thought about everything that led her here. To this place.  
“I love you.”   
The words came out before she realized she had said them. She whispered them into the darkness, and the only knowledge she had that Clarke heard them was when Clarke’s body, beneath hers, went rigid.  
Octavia bolted upright and saw that the girl stared at her with wide eyes. “I...didn’t mean for you...to hear that.”  
Clarke sat up as well, and started to put her clothes on. “But you did mean to say them?”  
It was a question that sounded like a statement. Octavia didn’t dispute it, instead she decided to get dressed as well. She might as well get this dreaded day started.  
When they were both dressed, Clarke faced her with an unreadable expression.  
“What do you want from me?” The blonde asked, almost bitterly.  
“Want from you?” Octavia repeated with confusion.  
“Wells wanted my forgiveness. Finn wanted me to save him. Lexa wanted my allegiance. People usually want something.”  
“And you think that’s what love is, Clarke?”  
Clarke’s eyes were emotionless, dark, and filled with apathy. She shrugged. “When people love me, it’s what it usually tends to mean. When I love them, they just end up dead. Or...whatever.”  
Octavia kept her distance from Clarke. “I don’t want anything from you, Clarke. I don’t need anything from you. I don’t even expect you to say it back. Because it just is.”  
Clarke stared at her long and hard, before she sighed and shook her head. “You’re going to have a long day today, you should get some more sleep.”  
“It’s still early, you should sleep, too.” Octavia replied with an even tone. She wasn’t going to show weakness, she wasn’t going to back down.  
The two minutes that passed between them, before Clarke finally relented and lay down on the bed, were the longest two minutes of Octavia’s life. She waited for Clarke to settle down and get comfortable; then she laid down beside her, but kept her distance. There was no need to push the other girl further than she already had.  
Clarke was still asleep when Octavia had to leave. She slowly climbed out of bed, grabbed a quick breakfast, and was about to walk out the front door when the sight of Clarke exiting the bedroom stopped her.  
Octavia stood lifeless as Clarke slowly made her way over to her, then kissed her softly on the   
cheek. “Goodbye.”  
Octavia nodded, dumbfounded. “Yeah...um, goodbye.”  
She fumbled with the doorknob and tripped out the door.

XXXXX

Not much had really changed between Clarke and Octavia in the days since “the incident” as Octavia liked to call it. She didn’t know if that was good or bad. It was good, because Clarke hadn’t freaked out and stopped kissing her--though sex was put on hold all because Octavia didn’t know how to keep her stupid mouth shut. And it was bad, because nothing had changed. Not really. In fact, it seemed as if Clarke had decided to pretend it never happened. Which would be fine, if they could still be having sex. Not that Octavia was complaining, or that she was expecting it. She just wished she knew where she stood with Clarke.  
In the meantime, she had been kept busy by President Roslin, which was actually a blessing in disguise for the moment. Roslin officially nominated her as the Vice President, and it was set to a public vote which unsurprisingly passed. So just like that, she was officially next in line to be President. She attended board meetings, and deliberated often with Admiral Adama about strategies and what her plans were to ensure a peaceful transition when Roslin does pass on. She also spoke with Gaius Baltar and Magdalene, as well as the elected officials that the Ark people chose prior to their arrival at the City of Lights. And she spoke with anyone else of influence who could help guide her, including Athena, and some of the Grounders.  
Mostly, she bounced ideas off of Clarke. At first she had been scared to do so, but even though their romantic relationship had stalled a little, Clarke remained her best friend and she relied on her for so much. Plus, she so desperately hoped to make Clarke proud of her.  
“More and more people are conflicted with the President’s choice to attend our study group rather than pray in the temples.” Octavia told Clarke one afternoon.  
“The President is dying and seeking any sort of peace to help her come to terms with that, it shouldn’t be for them to say what she does with her own spiritual journey.”  
“And I agree. But they don’t understand. Even Athena has yet to join us for one of our services, so the people don’t understand why so much credence is given to one lone Cylon whose beliefs they see as barbaric and unrealistic.”  
“Then call for a town meeting and address their concerns. Explain to them how every person has the right to be represented. That is what we’re fighting for, and just because Athena has yet to join; our study group has gotten larger. It’s not just the Adamas and Roslin, or the rest of our friends. You saw that last week it was a few of the Grounders as well, and even Baltar came. He hasn’t really been supportive of us until recently, so the fact he actually came…”  
“So this town meeting? What would I say?”  
“You won’t have to have anything specific planned. Let them list their concerns and address them as needed. Let some of the others, who attend our meetings, talk about why they come. Hell, I’ll talk if you need it. But if we make sure to validate everyone’s opinions, and let them all know that we understand their concerns...maybe we can show them that their fears are unfounded. Most people fear what they don’t understand.”  
That was what Octavia did; and it went better than she hoped it would. The main concern was   
the fact that they feared their own religion would be replaced with this new one. When it was made clear that ALL religions, or the choice to not have one at all, would be respected; then people calmed down. Clarke didn’t even have to speak.  
Later that night, Clarke surprised Octavia by initiating physical contact. Sure, it was a heated kiss after they were in bed and about to fall asleep, but it quickly escalated. As Octavia started to doze off, her naked body hot and sweaty from exertion, she felt Clarke’s hands run up the sides of her body before she wrapped her securely in a tight hug.  
“I didn’t get a chance to tell you how proud of you I was today.” Clarke whispered in reverence.  
Instead of ruining the moment by being her own sappy self, Octavia smirked and replied. “Oh, believe me, I felt it...over and over.”  
Clarke rolled her eyes. “Go to sleep, loser.”  
Octavia pecked Clarke’s lips happily. “Good night to you, too.”  
The next morning, as Octavia left to start her day, she met Magdalene at the front steps.  
“Hey, what brings you here so early?”   
“Clarke asked to see me.” The tall blonde responded. “By the way, thank you for last night. It went wonderful, and I think more people plan to attend service this week...just to see what it’s about.”  
She said it with such pure joy that Octavia couldn’t find it in herself to be upset with her obvious devotion to Clarke. It was clear that she adored her, and a part of her understood why, but a larger part of her tried not to let it affect her. Because she was honest when she told Clarke that she wanted nothing, nor did she expect anything from her. Clarke owned her heart and she wasn’t going to ask for it back, even if Clarke never returned her feelings. Because in all honesty, she knew that Clarke loved her. So as much as she wished to hear the words, she understood that Clarke might never say them.  
“I think that it speaks to everyone’s sense of searching, of finding purpose. We may all have different ways of doing so, but everyone just wants to belong.” Octavia told her friend with a genuine smile. “I hope they all find what they’re looking for.”  
“Me too.” The blonde smiled back.  
Magdalene excused herself and let Octavia go about her day. Then before she could knock on the front door, Clarke opened it to her.  
“Thanks for coming.”  
After Magdalene was seated and promptly given some hot chocolate, she and Clarke chatted about inconsequential things. After an hour or so, Magdalene decided to speak of things of actual importance.  
“As much as I enjoy discussing the changing of the seasons, and whether or not your mom is secretly seeing someone, I don’t think that’s why you asked me to come. Unless, I’m mistaken.”  
“You’re right, as usual.” Clarke admitted. “Last night went well, people were open-minded and they listened. I told Octavia all kinds of things about people fearing what they don’t understand, and I’ve been thinking about what they would think if they were to learn of...well...Octavia is going to be our leader soon. She pretty much already is in charge of most things, but if it were to come to light...about her...personal choices….”  
Magdalene didn’t want to see Clarke struggle with her words any longer, so she mercifully interrupted the other girl.  
“You want to know how they would take your relationship with Octavia.”   
Clarke’s mouth dropped open. “How did you…?”  
“Anyone with eyes can see that there’s something between the two of you.” She realized that wasn’t the right thing to say when Clarke’s posture grew defensive. “President Roslin, and most of her advisors, had already assumed something was going on. Before you even arrived to the City. And they are obviously more than okay with it. Your family and friends seem fine with the truth. As for me, I’d be a hypocrite if I said anything other than that I understand. Afterall, there was this time with a number three….although it was complicated because Gaius, at the time...you know what, it doesn’t matter.”  
Clarke snapped her mouth shut and blinked several times. “We will come back to the fact that apparently you and I are far more alike that I originally thought.” Clarke shook her head as if shaking loose her train of thought. “I’d like to say that as long as the people who matter to me are fine with who I am with it’s okay, but it isn’t just about me. Octavia shouldn’t have to be on display for the whole of the world to judge; she has more important things to do and to accomplish than spending all her time defending herself because of who she sleeps with.”  
“Clarke, people will talk. But they will also surprise you, if you give them a chance. Maybe it’s time you let them prove themselves to you this time, instead of it always being the other way around.”  
Clarke nodded. “You’re right. But it doesn’t mean letting things just....happen will be easy for me.”   
“Nothing worth having is ever easy.”

XXXXX

Months, that’s how long it took for Lexa and her people to accept that without a war to fight, without an enemy in their sights, it was impossible for them to know what to do next. They had lost their purpose, and with it, Lexa had seen them nearly lose their will to live. They bickered amongst themselves. They chose sides about whether or not they still wanted to follow her; if she was still needed as Commander or if there was no need to command anything.  
But the one constant, was the ever growing legend that was Clarke Griffin of the Sky People. Lexa couldn’t escape the girl, even if she wanted to. She tried to dispel the ongoing rumors, but she couldn’t distinguish what they knew to be true. And for all intents and purposes, Clarke was the one who saved them. Clarke single-handedly vanquished their enemy. Lexa was the coward that fled and left their own allies to die. She didn’t even try to argue against that, because it was true as well.  
But as they sat around and sharpened their weapons, with likely no need to use them again, they started to get restless. She had preached to them the significance of life rather than the honor of death. She had taught them that mercy and grace were surer signs of strength that retribution and the mark of each kill. They listened, perhaps only because she spewed the words of Clarke Griffin; but just because they weren’t her own words, it didn’t mean that she didn’t believe in every last one of them.  
And it was because of their newfound devotion to living, to finding purpose beyond death and surviving, that she was able to convince them one last time to follow her. They had lost several people along the way; some to the harsh reality of winter, others to the landmines that surprised   
them and killed without bias. She feared they may never reach their destination, but not as much as she feared what they would find when they finally reached it.  
Clarke promised them safe passage. Clarke assured her that she had been forgiven. But she had not seen or heard of Clarke since then, and she had no way of knowing if the other girl had made it to the City of Lights herself. What if she was leading her people into a trap?   
It took days to make it to the gates of the largest village she had ever seen. The sky was blanketed by darkness, but the city lights still shone brightly. It was truly a proper name for such a city. It was beautiful in its magnificence, but it was also terrifying. She and her people lived in small villages and slept in huts. They spoke a language that would surely set them apart from these people. She worried, and not for the first time, that she had made a grave mistake. Before she could second guess herself, Indra appeared at her side.  
“Whether you chose to stay or go, I will follow you.” She put her hand to her heart. “You are my Commander.”  
Lexa shook her head. “If we go within these walls, that will not be the case. If we want to be let in, I will be forced to submit to their leader. It will be what is best for all of us.”  
“My heart will know the truth. You do not need the title to be Commander.”  
Lexa smiled sadly at her and nodded as she took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders and took the remaining steps toward the gate. It opened before she was able to process what had happened. Suddenly, a line of men and women marched out to her. She found herself bowing meekly, not sure what to expect. She thought bitterly to herself, just how far she had fallen. How much she had been changed. And she wondered, if it had all been for the good.  
“Who comes here?” A tall man with dark hair and a uniform, too clean to have ever seen proper battle, addressed the crowd.  
“I am Lexa, Commander of the Grounders, me and my people seek asylum in your city.”  
The man studied her intently, then whispered to the woman standing next to him. “Prepare the President, and we will lead the Commander in. Helo, you talk to my dad and tell him that you need people to prepare shelter for…” The man looked at Lexa and addressed her again, this time in her native tongue. “How many seek shelter?”  
Lexa had been surprised that he spoke to her in her language, but understood the significance it had on her people. They immediately relaxed and she did as well. She continued speaking with him in the language of her people, all of them had a right to hear and understand what she had led them into.  
“We are three hundred strong. We were told by Clarke Griffin, that we were to be given safe passage.”  
The man nodded, and the woman standing beside him addressed her this time. Also in her language. “If you are a friend of Clarke’s, then yes, you are welcome here.”  
While she spoke, the man had finished his orders and the one called ‘Helo’ left to prepare a place for them. Lexa was amazed at the way in which they were so readily received.  
“Thank you.”  
The woman nodded. “I am Athena, and I will lead you to the President.” She looked at Indra. “I do not know if everyone will be completely welcoming, but if there are any problems, you will come and tell me. Okay?”  
Indra nodded.  
They all made their way inside the city, the Grounders muttered in awe of the things they could see. Lexa trained her eyes on Athena.   
“Why do you know our language?” She asked speaking in English, so their conversation could be a little more private.  
“It was important to our President that we learn about those who live here.”  
“You have more Grounders here?”  
Athena stopped and addressed Lexa quietly. “We learned that your culture sees disfigured children as abominations. As a curse that must be suppressed by killing the child. A few families went against that barbaric act, and fled here. They, too, sought asylum.”  
Lexa’s stomach turned. “You must hate me.”  
Athena shook her head. “I also have been hated and misunderstood. I have no right to judge you for something that came to be long before you were born. I do not understand your culture, or its practices. But neither do you know mine. And if I wish for you to someday understand me, then I must take time to understand you.”  
Lexa smiled fondly. “You sound like Clarke.”  
“I have learned a lot from Clarke.”  
“As have I.” Lexa admitted.  
It was in the silence that passed between them that they heard yelling erupt around them.  
“We don’t want you here!”  
“Leave, or we’ll make you!”  
“Who do you think you are, showing your face here? You left us to die!”  
A crowd of Sky People had gathered. Lexa didn’t recognize them, but they sure seemed to know who she was. She turned toward her people and saw them all take a protective stance as they surrounded her.   
She knew that they would not attack first, nor would they unless she told them to, but she feared that some of them would die for her. And she no longer wanted any one else to die, let alone for her.  
“Back away, these people have been granted asylum.” The lead soldier from the city told the crowd.  
“Says who?” Someone from the crowd yelled out.  
“Roslin isn’t my President. I didn’t agree to letting those....traitors here!”  
“Enough!”   
Lexa knew that voice instantly. It haunted her dreams and her waking moments. She looked for the source of the voice, and her eyes fell on Clarke. The girl wasn’t looking at her, instead she addressed the crowd that gathered around them. Clarke also was unaware that the Grounders had fallen into a kneel. They bowed to give reverence to their hero. Athena seemed to see it, and stared at Lexa in wonderment. But Lexa only saw Clarke.  
“Have we not fought enough? Haven’t enough good people already died?” She told the crowd of her own friends. “I was the one who killed for you. I was the one who lost and sacrificed so much, because of them. I told you all that each life was worth saving. You may hate them for what they have done, and you may honor me for what I have done. But all any of us ever did was try to survive. And why? So that we can kill each other on a different day? Haven’t you all had enough?” She glanced around and finally noticed that three hundred people bowed down to her   
and stared at her in absolute awe. She faltered for a moment, but she recovered. “I know I have.”   
With that she walked away. And so did the angry crowd. They obediently followed her, and hadn’t spared a second glance at the group of Grounders still on their knees.   
“I thought they were your people.” The male soldier cleared his throat and looked awkwardly at Lexa. “Why did they all bow to Clarke?”  
Lexa waited for her people to stand, then she smiled at them.   
When she turned her attention back on the soldier, she replied. “You’re people seem just as taken with Clarke as mine do.”  
The man glanced around and saw that his own soldiers had saluted the blonde as she walked by.   
“It would appear so.”  
“Apollo, I’ll continue with the Commander, if you have everything handled here.” Athena spoke with authority.  
“Yes, of course. We’ll set up a protective perimeter around your houses just in case. A few soldiers will be on patrol throughout the night. We do wish for you to be safe, Commander. All of you.”  
She nodded appreciatively and followed Athena as the woman took her toward a large building at the center of town. Athena led her into the building and up a flight of stairs into a large conference room where an older, sickly woman awaited. And to Lexa’s surprise, Octavia sat beside her.  
“Octavia.” Lexa greeted meekly.  
“Lexa.” Octavia replied evenly.   
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m President Roslin.” The President spoke to Lexa in her own tongue as well, and with Octavia by her side, Lexa now understood where they had learned how to speak her language.  
Instead of answering in kind, Lexa chose to keep to English. She respected that they tried to make her feel at home and comfortable, but she didn’t need the pretense of mutual respect with Octavia sitting in on the meeting.  
“The pleasure is mine, President, but may I ask why she is joining us?”  
“I could tell by the look on your face when you entered, that you know me to be sick.” The woman answered instead. “I am not long for this world.”  
Lexa nodded, but said nothing.  
“Octavia is chosen as my successor. So she belongs in this meeting as much as I do.”  
Lexa’s eyes danced toward Octavia briefly, but she chose instead to speak only to the older woman. She finally sat down and folded her hands in front of her. “I assure you that my people and I are here for peace. We were told that we would be granted asylum by your people.”  
Roslin smiled sadly. “The first thing you need to understand, dear, is that in order for all of us to live comfortably here….you must drop all pretenses of your people and my people. We are the same in this city, no single life more important than the next.”  
“Except Clarke.”  
Octavia stiffened at the mention of Clarke, and Lexa’s eyes fell on the brunette. “You know it to be true. I just witnessed how one girl spoke to a mob and they listened. How that same girl earned the salute of this city’s soldiers, and three hundred of my people fell to their knees. You can talk to me about how we are all equal, but Clarke is better than all of us, and everyone in this   
city knows it.”  
“Everyone but Clarke.” Octavia muttered sadly.  
Lexa was shaken by the admission, the Clarke who addressed the crowd resembled the proud and strong girl she had known. But Octavia’s words spoke to an undercurrent of anguish that Lexa thought should have been gone by now. In the very least, she had hoped it would have been.  
“We wish for you all to have a peaceful transition, so we want to know your terms.” The President stated.  
“My terms?” She looked at both women. “I had been under the impression that we were to come here and that I would no longer be their leader. That we would follow you. That cannot be the case, if I start to discuss terms with you. I will submit to your leadership without condition.”  
The President looked confused. But Octavia didn’t look away from Lexa’s penetrating gaze.  
“You have already garnered their respect, and mine, by learning our language. And even some of our customs.” She kept her eyes on Octavia as if challenging the other girl to see the truth of her words. “This...bringing my people here can be the last good thing I do for them...or maybe, the first honorable one.”  
After several long moments of contemplation, Octavia breathed out. “Well, Frak.”  
The President’s eyes widened at the response, but she said nothing. Lexa stared in confusion.  
“I don’t understand.”  
Octavia waved her hand non-consequentially in the air. “It’s not important. What is important, is that some people may not be completely okay with your arrival.”  
Lexa looked at her incredulously. If that wasn’t an understatement, she didn’t know what was.  
“We’ve been working hard to prepare the people for your arrival. We wanted it to go as smoothly as possible. But some….old resentments, are hard to...address.” The President tried to explain, but she couldn’t find the proper words.  
“I think that if you hold your ground, show them that you belong here just as much as anyone else, that you will eventually be accepted.” Octavia added. “You have to be willing to show them that you wish to be here, and learn about us as well. It can’t be us and you. Whatever you can do to help your people try to...assimilate.”  
Lexa shook her head. “We will not conform to your ways.”  
“Nor should you have to. I simply meant that you need to want to belong. We have educated each other about our different traditions and beliefs, and those ways will be respected. I just don’t want you to de-value our ways to try to justify your own.”  
Lexa understood what Octavia was saying, and she had to admit that she was right. The only way that all of them could co-exist was if they allowed each other to maintain whatever cultural individuality that they had left.   
“As I said before, I will do what is needed for this to work. Just let me know what you want from me.”  
Both President Roslin and Octavia nodded satisfactory at her, before the President stood to dismiss herself. “I think we’re all on the same page, and that you deserve to sleep well after such a long journey. I pray you made it here without much trouble.”  
Lexa shook the proffered hand, then shook her head regretfully. “We lost several on the journey. Some to the cold, most to landmines.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry for your losses. Had we known you were coming, we would have sent out the dogs.”  
“Dogs?”  
“Yes, they could have led you safely through the mines.”  
“I appreciate your concern. But, we’re safe now. And as you said, tired and in need of rest.”  
“Of course, your people should be settled now. I will have someone take you to your home.”  
“I’ll do it, Madam President.” Octavia offered as she stood and approached them. “Lexa and I have some catching up to do anyway.”  
“Of course. Take care, both of you.”   
She left the room and the two remaining stood awkwardly next to each other.  
“Just so you know, I would be an idiot to trust your word on anything.” Octavia started and held up her hand to silence Lexa before she could interrupt her. “But for the sake of everyone, and the hope that you changed, I’ll try to give you the benefit of the doubt. But you still must earn it.”  
“That’s fair and more than I deserve.”  
“Someone once told me that none of us should ever hope to get what we deserve.”   
“Who told you that?”  
“A woman I respect who showed me that people do horrible things and still are capable of redemption.”  
Lexa knew she wasn’t speaking about Clarke, but wondered who it was that had gained Octavia’s respect so whole heartedly.  
Octavia walked out of the room quickly after that, and Lexa hurried behind her. They walked through the city without looking at the other, and little was said between them. Lexa took in the sights around her, this time she admired the city for what it truly seemed to be: her second chance.   
“I do not wish to anger you, but may I ask about Clarke?” Lexa finally spoke into the stillness of the night.  
“You do not wish to anger me, but how’s Clarke?” Octavia mocked bitterly.  
“I understand that you hate me.”  
Octavia stopped walking and grabbed her wrist roughly. When they were standing face to face, the brunette spoke heatedly. “I don’t hate you, because hate would be far easier and apparently I can’t seem to do anything easy.”  
Lexa was shocked at the admission. “You don’t hate me. I would, if the roles were reversed.”  
Octavia shook her head. “You changed. You used to be arrogant and soul-less and...you were a warrior through and through and offered no apologies for what you were. Love be damned.”  
Lexa hated that description of herself, but guessed it was how people saw her.  
“Love makes you weak, right? Isn’t that what you told Clarke once? That love and emotions are something you should shield yourself from? But that doesn’t make you strong, Lexa. It makes you a coward.”  
Lexa nodded in agreement.  
“You made the decision you made to save your people, and I get that. You already told me that you knew Clarke would survive, that she would get out of it alive.” Octavia sighed. “But you understand now, I can see it. Surviving isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Who cares if you outlive everyone else if you still have to live with yourself.”  
And that was it. That was the truth in a point blank and honestly raw way. Of all the people who truly understood what she had only just realized herself, it had to be Octavia. The girl who was as much a Grounder as she was of the Sky People.  
“I understand now, why it is you that will lead us and not Clarke.” Lexa told the girl honestly.  
“Why?”  
“Because, Clarke wants to see the best in all of us. But you actually do. First with Lincoln, and now with me.”  
“I was chosen to lead because Clarke is a symbol, she represents an ideal. I’m not what she has become. I can lead because people aren’t in awe of me, they don’t fear me, and they don’t expect perfection.”  
Lexa begrudgingly had to admit that she admired the other girl. She knew what she was getting herself into; she was not deluded nor did she glamourize the position. If things had been different, she would have seen Octavia as a great ally and perhaps a friend. In a time, back before she stopped letting herself feel and ruined all the good things in her life.  
“Anyway, I need to get you home before it gets too late. And I’m freezing, so we better hurry.”  
The rest of their walk was in silence, but this time it was not unbearable.

XXXXX

“So the legend of Clarke Griffin grows.” Raven commented with amusement.   
Clarke hadn’t come home right away, and she and Abby almost went out to look for her. But Jasper stopped by earlier to tell them that Clarke was at their house with Bellamy.  
“Your an ass.” Clarke said as she took her coat off.  
“And you spend too much time with Bellamy.”  
“Whatever. He gets me.”  
“That’s because you actually talk to him.” Raven replied with a sigh. “I’m your friend, too, Clarke.”   
Clarke felt bad that when she needed to talk to someone, she always turned to Octavia, Bellamy or Magdalene. Never Raven.  
“I know. And I’m sorry.”  
Raven’s expression softened. “I know that you think you have to be the strong one all the time, but I don’t need you to protect me. And neither does your mom for that matter.”  
“I know.”  
“So, will you talk to me?”  
Clarke sighed. “What do you want me to say?”  
“Anything. Everything. Just talk to me.”  
“Fine. Is there anything going on between you and my mom?”  
Thankfully, they were in Clarke’s bedroom, otherwise Raven knew Abby would have had an aneurysm.   
“I, ah…”  
“Look, I’m not even really mad. I thought I’d be. But you both deserve to be happy, you know?”  
Raven smiled, she never expected it to go that well.  
“Thanks. And so do you Clarke.”  
Clarke collapsed on her bed in a huff. “Yeah, yeah.”  
Raven sat down beside her. “I mean it.”  
Clarke drew stars on her bed with her fingertips to distract herself from the conversation at hand.   
“Tell me honestly, how do you feel knowing that Lexa’s back?” Raven asked.  
Clarke’s fingers stopped moving, and she hesitantly looked up at Raven.  
“Would you be mad if I said I didn’t know?”  
“Would it be the truth?”  
Clarke started drawing various shapes this time. “Yes?”  
“Yes, it’s the truth?”  
Clarke sat up and ran her eyes over Raven’s face, then she sighed again. “Bellamy asked me the same question.”  
“And did you give him the same answer?”  
“I told him what I thought he’d want to hear, because I knew he was worried about Octavia.”  
“And you don’t think I’m worried about her?”  
Clarke shook her head. “Not in the same way.”  
Raven lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, she was prepared to wait Clarke out.  
“She told me that she loved me.”  
Raven shot back up and stared at Clarke incredulously. “What? When?”  
“A while ago.”  
“Wow, you really don’t talk to me.”  
“I didn’t tell anyone, so it’s not just you.” Clarke studied her. “I’m surprised that she hasn’t told you herself.”  
“Me too, actually.”  
“She told me that she didn’t expect for me to say it back, and that she doesn’t want or need anything from me.” Clarke looked away. “But with Lexa back, I don’t want Octavia to start...I don’t know, getting all crazy and...I wanted it to be true. That she doesn’t have expectations for this...for us. I need her not to want something from me. But what if she does?”  
Raven didn’t know what to say. She knew that if Octavia loved Clarke, the fact that the girl never said it back had to hurt like hell. But she knew Octavia well enough to know that she had been honest with Clarke. Clarke needed honestly, and routine, and Octavia wouldn’t have risked all of Clarke’s progress by lying to her about something as important as that. Plus, she understood a little about love. And when you give your heart to someone, you give it to them completely. So even if things all went to shit right now, Octavia wasn’t going anywhere. She would stay by Clarke’s side just to prove to her that she was worth fighting for.  
“Raven?”  
“Huh?”  
“You never answered my question? What if Octavia wants something from me that I can’t give her? I don’t want to lose her.”  
“Then you won’t.”  
Clarke studied Raven’s face for sincerity, and smiled with relief when she saw it.  
“Thanks, I really should talk to you more often.”  
Raven glared at her playfully. “Yeah, you should.”  
She then hugged Clarke and walked out of the room. When she was out the door, she saw Octavia standing alone in the living room. And by the look in the smaller girl’s eyes, it was   
apparent that she had overheard them. Raven nodded at her in acknowledgement, but didn’t want to alert Clarke to the other girl’s presence. Octavia gratefully returned the action with a smile. Then Raven trotted off to her bedroom and left Octavia to deal with her own drama.   
A few seconds after she got safely in her room, she heard the front door slam shut and Octavia announce. “Anyone home?”  
Clarke came out of her bedroom and watched Octavia carefully. She had spent the evening in close quarters with Lexa, and Clarke worried about the toll it would take on the other girl.  
“How’d it go?”  
“She’ll help do what it takes to ensure an easy transition. She'll step down from command, and she said that she’ll follow President Roslin, and then me when I succeed her.”  
“That’s what we hoped for.”  
“Better than. I could tell she was impressed that the people here speak her language, and somehow she knows we’re aware of their a few of their customs. So overall, I think that as far as she is concerned, we don’t have to fear any uprising from them.”  
“I could have told you as much. Her entire army bowed to me when they saw me.”  
Octavia nodded. “I heard.”  
“I hate that I’m their hero but, if it helps make things better for us all, I’ll play the part.”  
“I won’t ask you to do that.”  
“You didn’t.”  
“Clarke...”  
“Some of our people formed a mob and were ready to banish them. It could have escalated to violence quickly, and I don’t think Lexa’s people would have fought back. She seemed intent on not telling them to.”  
Octavia nodded, that seemed to align with what Lexa had told her.  
“I talked our people down, but I didn’t think that after all this time they would still harbor so resentment.”  
“Don’t you?”  
“Absolutely. But not at the risk of everything we’re seeking to build here.”  
“You still somehow continue to surprise me.”  
Octavia had not expected Clarke’s honestly. She had expected Clarke to talk about forgiveness and battling demons and redemption and all the stuff she had spoken of when they had visited Lexa months before. It felt like forever ago, and yet, it felt like just yesterday.  
Clarke smiled at Lexa’s words, then walked over to her and kissed her soundly.   
When she pulled away, she whispered, “And you amaze me.” She playfully bit Octavia’s lip. “Now come to bed, I’ve missed you.”  
Octavia laughed and kissed her back. They ended up naked and tangled up in each other in no time at all.  
The next morning, Octavia wished she could skip all of her duties and stay in bed with Clarke, but with the latest development, she knew it wasn’t a possibility. She hurriedly got ready as Clarke did her best to distract her with well placed kisses and scandalous propositions.  
“I will hold you to all that and more, but I really have to go.”  
She opened the bedroom door and walked out. Clarke, wearing just a t-shirt, followed her out of the room. Both stopped dead when they saw that Abby stood in the living room and stared at   
them.  
“Hi and bye!” Octavia screeched as she fumbled out the front door.  
“Hi and bye.” Abby mumbled, before her eyes took in Clarke’s choice of clothing and the hickeys all over her neck.  
The blonde turned to escape back into her room, she promptly closed the door and locked it against her mother’s protests.  
“Abby, I know you want to march in there and yell at her, and whatever else it is that good parents do. But you can’t.”  
Abby turned toward Raven, defeat written across her face.  
“She’s not your little girl anymore, Abby. She grew up a long time ago. If the time in confinement on the Ark didn’t do the trick, then her time here on Earth sure did. You still want to see her the way she used to be, but she hasn’t been that girl in a long time. None of us have. If you stop expecting her to be that person, and saw the Clarke we all see...then you’d know that she’s a strong, brave, wonderful woman. And don’t you think that if she managed to carve out some piece of normalcy in the hell that has been her life...don’t you think she’s earned it?”  
Abby stood motionless as she took in Raven’s words.   
“I just want to protect her.”  
“From Octavia? There’s no one else in the world who would take better care of your daughter’s heart.”  
“And Octavia? How do I protect her from Clarke?”  
Raven opened and closed her mouth, then she sighed. “Have a little more faith in Clarke. Like I said, try to see her for who she is. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no one else better for either of them.”  
Abby nodded quietly, then walked wordlessly toward her room.   
“And by the way, Clarke knows about us.”  
Raven smirked when she saw Abby trip over her own feet.

XXXXXX

Over the next few days, President Roslin, Octavia, and Lexa spoke with the newest Grounders, and then the Sky People who still resented their arrival. They went from house to house, person to person. Identifying their fears, assuring them of their safety and, when it was necessary, Lexa even apologized for her behavior and her perceived betrayal.   
Octavia had to admit that Lexa still held a commanding presence. She carried herself with a confidence that belied her age and her current position in life. Because even though she had been Commander of the Grounders, leading them successfully through a well-fought war, she now held no position of authority apart from assuring that they all earned their well deserved peace.  
The days were long and exhausting. When she came home each night, Octavia wanted nothing more than to be held by Clarke. No talking, no kissing, nothing but the comfort that perhaps Clarke did genuinely care for her. That she meant something to the other girl, besides a comforting shoulder or a warm body to sleep with at night. Part of her knew what she meant to Clarke; but it was in those moments of silence when she fell asleep to Clarke’s even heartbeat   
pounding against her own back, with Clarke held her snugly in her arms, that Octavia allowed herself to dream of a future with this girl.  
They had one day left of negotiations. As it happened, Murphy was one of the last on their list. He hadn’t been part of the mob that sought blood when Lexa and her people arrived, but he still was cause for concern. Octavia knew that Clarke’s embracing him had gone a long way toward reconciliation between him and some of the other Sky People, but they needed all people on board if their dreams of the future would come to pass.  
“I heard that you two have decided to play nice.” He taunted in amusement when he allowed the three women inside his home.  
“And I’m sure you have your own theories as to why we’re here, Murphy.” Octavia replied evenly.  
He nodded and looked smugly at her before he turned his attention toward Lexa. “What does your girlfriend think of you breaking bread with the enemy?”  
Octavia’s jaw tightened, but Lexa’s demeanor did not change in the slightest.  
“Clarke is a forgiving person. Wouldn’t you agree?”   
Lexa remembered the boy’s name from Clarke’s tree in the woods. He had been one of the people Clarke needed to forgive.   
His eyes softened slightly and the smirk fell from his face. “This place...the City of Lights, it’s like paradise. Here, I wasn’t seen as a delinquent criminal. I wasn’t a murderer, or an anarchist. I could start over and be whoever I wanted to be.” He looked at President Roslin. “Your plan for peace is admiral, and I won’t stay in the way of that; because if people like me, Clarke and these two can all see past what each other has done and focus on keeping paradise alive...no one else should be a problem.”  
President Roslin nodded in acceptance. “Thank you for your candor, Murphy. I do hope you will pay Octavia the same kind of respect you have shown me.”  
He looked properly chastised. “You have my word.”  
The women dismissed themselves. As they walked out, Lexa spoke. “Are you sure we don’t have to worry about him?”  
“He won’t be a problem.” Octavia replied.  
“It seems that my work here is done. You will have your peace, Madam President.” Lexa started to walk away, then she stopped and turned back toward them. “Actually, I would like to learn more of your traditions and customs. I want my people to have an understanding of what you belief and how you practice those beliefs.”  
“We’ll send some of our people to educate you, if you wish.” Roslin replied.  
“I do.” She looked at them both carefully. “I’ll share with them what you teach me, but it will be up to them if they decide to follow any of it. You had promised that they would still be allowed to practice their own traditions, but I believe that in the very least we have to all make an effort to understand each other.”  
With that, Lexa left them. Octavia and President Roslin walked slowly down the street.   
“I can see why her people survived as long as they did, for being so young, she’s a very strategic leader. She does not react impulsively.”  
“She has changed.” Octavia commented. “She still is all of that. But now, I think she also understands mercy. And she does hope for peace.”  
“I wonder, you said that they believe in a type of re-incarnation. That she was born to be leader,   
she was chosen through destiny.” Octavia nodded in agreement. “What will become of a born leader, when she no longer has someone to lead?”  
Octavia thought about the question for a long time. Then she answered with certainty. “She will lead by submitting to us. Then she’ll find a different purpose. Just as Clarke has.”  
Roslin chuckled good-naturedly as she shook her head. “Children. You are all so young, and yet...you carry more wisdom than I ever did.” She smiled at Octavia. “I was the Secretary of Education. Not a born leader. I barely kept my fleet together. I wouldn’t have without Adama. And yet, I’m still learning from a bunch of kids.”  
Octavia smiled with pride. “I think you don’t give yourself enough credit. But I do appreciate the faith you put in me. I’ll do what I can to bring honor to your memory.”  
After they parted ways, Octavia made the solo trek home. Abby was in the kitchen preparing dinner, while Raven talked animatedly from beside her. They listened to music and laughed happily. Phoenix chewed on a toy in the living room, as Clarke laid on the couch with a book in her hand. Phoenix was the first to notice Octavia’s presence. He barked happily and wagged his tail as she walked toward him.  
“Well, I’m glad someone’s happy to see me.” She tutted as she scratched his ears the way he loved it.  
Clarke marked her page and closed the book and then set it on the floor beside her. Afterwards, she crawled across the couch toward Octavia. She tugged the other girl in for a sloppy kiss, and smiled lazily at her. “Welcome home. How’d it go today?”  
Octavia kissed her again, quickly, then pulled away and let Clarke drag her onto the couch beside her. She smiled with contentment as she felt Clarke wrap her in her arms.   
“Better than expected.”  
“And how is my old friend, Murphy?” Clarke asked with a raised eyebrow. “Magdalene was over earlier. She told me.”  
“He won’t be a problem.”  
“I couldn’t have told you that.”  
Octavia rolled her eyes and collapsed herself further into Clarke. “Well, if you had, then it would have saved me a trip and I would’ve been home sooner.”  
“Well, Frak. Why didn’t I think of that.” Clarke breathed out with a smile.  
Abby and Raven shared a look from the kitchen before the older woman announced that dinner was ready.  
After dinner, the four of them watched a movie until Octavia and Clarke retreated to their room for bed. When they were dressed for bed and climbed in beside each other, Clarke spoke into the darkness.  
“Things would be hard enough if it was only Lincoln and Lexa we had to worry about.”  
Octavia turned so she faced Clarke; then flicked the light on so she could see the other girl’s eyes.   
“Lincoln isn’t something you ever have to worry about.” She traced her fingertips along the contours of Clarke’s face. “I told him about us a long time ago. Back when we were spending all that time together teaching the President and her council the Grounders’ language. I felt guilty spending all that time with him, when I only wanted to be with you. I wanted him to know that things had changed for me.”  
Clarke was silent for a moment.  
“What else did you mean? What else are you worrying about?” Octavia wondered.  
“How other people would feel about the two of us.”  
Octavia frowned. “Why would it matter what they think?”  
“We can’t risk everything we’re trying to accomplish. If they don’t accept this...we have to do what’s best for everyone.”  
“What are you saying, Clarke?”  
Clarke ran her hands through her hair and sighed deeply. “I think that choosing our people over us is the right thing to do, to ensure that peace is sustainable.” She reached for Octavia’s hand, and held it in hers. “I understand that. I do. And I wouldn’t hold it against you.”  
“Clarke....”  
Clarke shook her head. “But it doesn’t change the fact that just once, I wish I could be selfish. I wish I could ask you to choose me. I wish someone would choose me.”  
Octavia wrapped her in her arms and planted kisses all over her face. “But I do choose you.” She stopped kissing her, and leaned down to maintain eye contact with Clarke. “If the people reject us after everything we have done for them. Everything we have sacrificed, and lost. After everything we did to ensure their survival, their freedom, and their future.” She moved just a bit closer, her eyes still holding Clarke’s. “If after all of that, they want to be petty and upset over who I love...then maybe they aren’t worth the fight anymore. So screw them.”  
Clarke didn’t respond. Not right away.  
“You once told me that people fear what they don’t understand, and that we lead best when we lead by example. Let’s show them that we’re not afraid of who we are so that they won’t have to fear us.” Octavia shut the light off as soon as she was finished talking, because she assumed that Clarke wouldn’t respond.   
“Will you hold me tonight?” Clarke whispered, and Octavia did what was asked of her.

XXXXX

Clarke waited until Octavia left for the day before she made her way to Lexa’s place. She debated whether or not to take Phoenix with her, but in the end she had decided against it. So she stood in the cold, alone, and anxiously knocked on the door.   
Indra greeted her with surprise, said nothing, but stepped aside and let Clarke walk through the front door. When Clarke saw Lexa, the vision startled her. Without war paint or battle armor, her wan face made her look meek and younger than her years. She could scarcely reconcile this version of Lexa with the harsh Commander who had betrayed her. This Lexa appeared to be the vision of innocence; of being without sin. But Clarke knew better. And it was that knowledge that caused the anger to boil up inside her.  
“Clarke?” Lexa spoke with surprise when she noticed that the blonde stood in her living room.   
“Why are you here?” Clarke asked harshly.  
Lexa looked around the room in confusion. She wasn’t sure what Clarke was asking of her, and she was even less sure as to why the girl was in her house. She had done her best to keep her distance, to give Clarke the space she deserved. She did her best to ensure that the transition went smoothly, and she believed that she had worked well with Octavia under the   
circumstances. She did everything she could think of to properly earn Clarke’s forgiveness; to deserve of it. So she didn’t understand where it was that she went wrong, and why Clarke glared at her with so much hatred.  
“I…”  
Clarke stormed over to her. “I was doing better without you here. But you’re everywhere. You don’t leave. Octavia has to work with you. President Roslin has to rely on your word, for whatever that’s worth. Magdalene is anxious with you around, and she doesn’t even know you. Your mere presence almost started a riot.”  
Lexa listened intently. Why was she here? Clarke invited her. Clarke said she would be safe, and that her people would be protected. She came because it was the right thing to do for her people.   
“Why couldn’t you stay away? Why can’t you leave me alone!?”   
Clarke started to shake and Lexa wanted to comfort her, but knew better than to try. Before she was able to stop herself, Clarke flung herself at Lexa and pounded her fists into the girl's chest. Lexa stood there, without fighting back. When Clarke exhausted herself, she collapsed against Lexa, who held her tightly and guided them both to the ground safely. She allowed Clarke to cry in her arms as she hummed the song of her people.  
“I wish that I could hate you.” Clarke’s lips ghosted against Lexa’s neck. “But even now, I can’t.”  
Lexa continued to hold Clarke, but didn’t respond.  
“It would be easier if I could hate you.”  
“If that’s what you need from me, Clarke. Then I give you permission. I sure as hell deserve it.” Lexa answered.  
Clarke pulled away from Lexa and let out one last sob, before she pushed Lexa away from her and stood up. She left the girl sitting on the ground and swiftly made her way out of the house. Indra followed behind her and called out her name.  
“Clarke, wait.”  
She stopped and allowed Indra to catch up with her.  
“I must say this, because Lexa never will.” Indra stood face to face with Clarke. “You and your people talk about the importance of all life. That each of us is worthy and deserve to live. That all life matters.”  
Clarke nodded.  
“Does that not include Lexa?”  
Clarke’s breathing stalled as she let Indra speak to her.  
“Our people did not bow down to you because you are a god, Clarke. They did it because you’re not.”  
Clarke dispelled the breath she was holding, blinked the tears from her eyes, and walked away from the older woman. She didn’t notice that Magdalene, Apollo, and Thelonius walked toward them.  
When Clarke made it to her house, she slammed the front door behind her and collapsed into a pile of the floor. As sobs racked through her body, Phoenix scurried over to her and licked at her tears. She hugged him to her chest and weeped into his fur. When Abby walked into the living room and saw her daughter curled up on the floor, she rushed to her side and held her as well.   
“Oh, Clarke.” She whispered as she held her daughter. “You’re going to be okay.”  
“That’s why I’m crying, Mom.” Clarke replied and allowed herself to remain in the comfort of her   
mother’s arms until she fell asleep.  
When Raven and Octavia came home later that afternoon, they were both surprised and worried to see the two women curled up on the floor, holding each other while they slept.  
Dinner that night was quiet, but in some ways lighter than it had been. Clarke dismissed herself early and left the others to wonder what had happened. When Octavia made it to bed later that evening, Clarke was already fast asleep. She crawled in behind her, and held her as tightly as she could. But for the first time in awhile, she wasn’t afraid to let go.

XXXXXX

Clarke arrived for the service earlier than necessary, and was relieved to find Magdalene alone in the sanctuary.  
“I hoped you would be here.” Clarke stated as she entered the room.  
Magdalene smiled when she saw her. “Hi.”  
“I was wondering if we could talk.”  
“Always.”  
Clarke took a seat beside her friend. “It is not something that’s easy to talk about, you might not want to agree when you hear what I want to ask you.”  
“I’ll answer any of your questions, Clarke. You should know by now, that I’d do anything for you.”  
“I appreciate that.” Clarke replied sadly. “I was wondering a little about, well, you.”  
“Me?”  
“You mentioned before, that you live thousands of lives...do you remember all that you have done before…?”  
“Clarke, before the war...Cylons. We would die and our consciousness would be...downloaded into a new body. So yes, in essence, I have lived more than one life….and I regret all but this one.”  
Clarke looked at the other woman sadly. “I hate to bring this up. But I was talking to one of the Grounders.”  
“Lexa.”  
“Well, yeah.”  
Magdalene nodded. “I’ve met her. We went to her house yesterday to share with her some of the customs and traditions of our people. It was on President Roslin’s orders.”  
“How did it go?”  
Magdalene shook her head. “Fine, but that is not why you wanted to talk to me.”  
“You remember everything? From before?”  
Magdalene nodded. “Before the war, as I said, we didn’t really die. We would always just be reborn. But when that option was taken from us...when we actually feared death, I don’t think I ever felt more human. The fear of death...of making this life worth living. I learned the importance of both the hard way.”  
“And now, knowing all that you know. You do believe that we’re all capable of redemption.”  
Magdalene nodded, pointed at the painting above the sanctuary. “Don’t you?”  
“I did in theory, but still didn’t think that I was worthy of it.”  
“Clarke....”  
“As I said before, I spoke with some Grounders yesterday. I would be a hypocrite if I continued to forgive everyone else. To tell them all to forgive each other. Yet, I didn’t believe it for myself.”  
Magdalene looked at Clarke fondly.   
“Could you do one more thing for me?” Clarke asked.  
Magdalene nodded. “Of course.”  
“After the service, could you bring Lexa here. I wish to speak with her.”  
She didn’t like it, but she agreed to it anyway.

XXXXX

Magdalene did as she was told, and brought Lexa to meet with Clarke. Octavia was still in the sanctuary when the two of them entered, and threw a questioningly look toward Clarke.   
Clarke kissed Octavia on the cheek, and whispered. “I’ll tell you about it when I get home.”  
Octavia glanced at Lexa then Magdalene and walked out of the room.  
“Hi, Clarke.” Lexa responded meekly.  
“What do you see when you look at this painting?” Clarke asked by way of greeting.  
Lexa looked at the painting. It was a picture of a battered man hanging from a...tree? His arms spread out, with nails through them. It was as grotesque as it was beautiful. The pain was evident in the picture, but so was the compassion in the tortured man’s eyes.  
“I see...sadness. Deep sadness.” Lexa kept her eyes on the painting. “I do not know the man, but I hurt for him. How is that possible?”  
“There is this story about how that man, Jesus, is without sin. He had done no wrong in his lifetime.”  
Lexa frowned. “Then why was he tortured? Where is the justice in that?”  
“In the story, he gave his life….for the sins of everyone else. Mine and yours, and all that ever lived.”  
“Why?”  
“Do you mind if I share something with you?”  
Lexa shook her head and sat down next to Clarke. “I’m listening.”  
Clarke opened a book she was holding. Then she read from it as Lexa listened intently. She waited for the whole story to be finished before she asked Clarke what she had been wondering.  
“You think I really deserve God’s forgiveness?”  
“God forgives all.” Clarke smiled fondly. “Magdalene taught me that.” She handed some books to Lexa. “These saved me. And they can save you, too, if you let them.”  
Lexa nodded in thanks for the gifts.  
“You can read them and choose how you wish to believe. One tells you that all you have to do to be forgiven to to believe it. Another reminds us that we are sinners and must pay a price of our own for the sins we commit.”  
Clarke pointed at the painting on the wall. “I think you know which one I prefer, since I chose to paint it.”  
Lexa looked at the picture with more reverence this time. Clarke had painted it. Clarke had shown her the way to salvation. All she had to do is choose. She looked at the books in her hands.   
“Thanks, Clarke. For everything.”  
“Thank me by showing me how you’ve changed.”  
And with that, Clarke left Lexa alone with her thoughts. She squeezed the books in her hands; they were heavier all of a sudden--with a weight of so much she had yet to understand.   
Clarke went back to her house. When she walked through the door, Octavia’s eyes fell on her.  
She walked over to the couch, sat beside the brunette, and spoke honestly to the three women in the room.  
“I went to see Lexa a few days ago. When you found me on the floor crying, Mom. I was so mad at her, I yelled at her and hit her over and over. And she just stood there and took it. Indra followed me out and she said....she reminded me that all of us are worthy...of forgiveness and happiness. And she told me that they see me not as a hero or a monster or a god or anything other than who I am. Just me. And...I know that it’s what you have all been saying to me for forever...but it finally...I don’t know, it sunk it. I believed it.”  
The women were in tears. Abby understood Clarke’s statement from that day, when Clarke had told her that she would be okay. She had finally let go of it all, and she is healing.

XXXXXX

Magdalene paced back and forth in her bedroom while Gaius tried to calm her.  
“I don’t understand, Apollo and Thelonious said that the talk with Lexa went well. That she asked probing questions and seemed intent to learn. She was respectful and mindful, and they believe that she’ll be a good addition to this city.”  
“Her mere presence is troublesome for all of us.”  
“You asked me to have faith in your precious Clarke and Octavia. And I have witnessed with my own eyes what they’re capable of; they made a believer out of me. So, what’s the real problem?”  
“We need both Clarke and Octavia to lead us, and Lexa threatens that.”  
Gaius sighed deeply. “When will you admit that you’re in love with Clarke, or Octavia, or both of them. It doesn’t really matter, because the result is the same. You’re jealous.”  
“There are different kinds of love, Gaius. Romantic love where you need the other person, or think you do. That kind of love that consumes you, because you’re better together than you are alone. Because they complete you. And there’s the kind of love that changes you. You’re a better person because you know them. I don’t need anything from either of them. But I owe them everything. Because they believed in me, I learned to believe in myself. Yes, I love them Gaius. Dearly. But I’m not jealous. I only wish for them to be happy, and all of us can see that they’re happiest when they are together.”  
Gaius sat on the bed and thought about what she told him. Then he held out his hand to her.  
“Don’t you understand, Gaius? Clarke made us all better, and she deserves someone who makes her better.” She told him as he held her hands in his.  
“I know that I don’t always show it, and most of the time I’m a terrible and despicable person, but you make me better, or at least want to be. I need you, and I love you. So if you’re worried about Lexa, and you want to make sure that Clarke and Octavia are the ones to lead us into this wonderful future of yours...then tell me what I can do to help you. What do you need from me?”  
Magdalene thought about how to answer him. She didn’t really have a solution, she just wanted   
someone else aware of her concern. She didn’t exaggerate when she told Clarke that she would do anything for her. And if Lexa became a problem, she would get rid of her. Even though she had vowed never to kill again, even though she had changed and taking another life would likely destroy her...if she had to, she would do it for Clarke. She only hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

XXXXXX

Three days later, President Roslin breathed her last breath among her closest friends. She went peacefully with those she cared most about huddled by her bedside. They sat in mourning for as long as possible, before they knew they had to break the news to the rest of the city. It was with a heavy heart, that Admiral Adama made the announcement a few days later.  
“It saddens me to say this, but President Roslin is no longer with us. Not physically, though she will remain in our hearts and our minds forever.”  
As he spoke, Magdalene translated the words into the language of the Grounders.  
“She was a wonderful woman, a great friend, and an honorable leader. I stood before many of you so long ago and spoke about humanity. For those that remember, I told you that humanity is a flawed creation, and perhaps we didn’t deserve to survive. But we have. We made it. And we can be better. We have shown what we are capable of, good and bad. But let us choose to celebrate the good, rather than dwell on the bad. Let us prove to ourselves and each other, that we survived so that we could show those who are yet to come that there is a better way. We have to show why we are worthy of surviving.”  
He motioned for Octavia to join him. Before she walked on stage, she pulled Clarke to her and kissed her soundly. She didn’t care who saw her; she wanted everyone to know and understand that she loved Clarke, and was proud to be with her.  
“President Roslin had high hopes for our future. She led us through battle, she brought us to peace, and she found a small section of paradise right here on Earth. She believed in the goodness of humanity, even when I myself failed to see it. She believed in forgiveness. And she believed in all of you.”  
He put his arm proudly around Octavia, as the two of them stood in front of the crowd of all the remaining people left in this world.   
“She believed in this girl most of all. Octavia Blake. And you believe in her as well, because you have voted to have her succeed President Roslin and usher in a long-lasting peace among all of our people.” He turned to Octavia. “You are not Octavia of the Sky People. And you are not Octavia the Grounder. You are President Blake, and you now belong to us all.”  
He waited as Magdalene translated, before he offered the young girl to her people.  
“Do you wish to say anything to us, Madam President?”  
Octavia looked at her people and finally, her eyes settled on Clarke’s. She smiled as she spoke from the heart.  
“I need you all to know that I fully intend to lead you to the best of my ability, and I believe that we can sustain a lasting peace among us.” She translated her own words to the Grounders before continuing. “But it will take all of us, I cannot do it alone. I hope that you all intent to join me.”  
Admiral Adama spoke up.  
“So say we all!”   
He was the first to bow, and soon everyone else followed.  
“So say we all!” The crowd, including the Grounders, cheered.  
Octavia wasn’t naive. She knew that as human beings, there would be crime and disagreements, there would be violence and more death. Sickness would still come to them, and eventually so would war again. She would always believe that there was more good than evil in the world. But she would do her best to lead them through whatever was to come. She knew she could, because she would have Clarke at her side. And her family. And all of her friends. She was no longer the girl under the floor. She was no longer an outsider. She didn’t belong to any single group, because she belonged to them all.   
After the announcement had been made, the people went their separate ways to mourn the loss of President Roslin. Most went to the temples and offered up their prayers to the gods. Those without religion met in groups and shared their own stories of the woman, and memorialized her in their own way. And those who did not know much of the late President, went home and carried on with their day.  
Those closest to Roslin made their way to the sanctuary in the library for their own memorial service. They crowded in the room that was now too small to seat them all. They spoke quietly amongst themselves and shared a few stories as they waited for Magdalene to call them to attention so she could begin the service.  
Lexa and Athena stood awkwardly outside the library. Both wanted to go inside, but neither felt as if they belonged.  
“Why aren’t you inside, didn’t your family go in there?” Lexa asked the woman.  
Athena answered. “Yes, they went in.” She looked looked at Lexa. “I feel wrong going in there.”  
“Why? I was told it was a place for everyone.”  
“Then why are you out here?”  
Lexa shrugged. “Because I don’t want to disrupt Clarke and their friends in their grief.”  
“I feel like if I go in there...I tried so hard to prove to everyone that I was human and not a Cylon. I fought to be seen for who I wanted to be. And if I go in there...if I listen to the stories and beliefs of the people who...made me. Isn’t that a betrayal to who I’m trying to be?”  
Lexa chose not to ask about the Cylon thing because it was not her place.  
“I think that your family is inside, and if they don’t see it as a betrayal, then why should you?”  
Athena looked at her gratefully. “So it won’t make me a traitor to the human life I have chosen?”  
Lexa shook her head. “There are plenty of humans in there. Why would you be the traitor?”  
Athena reached out and took Lexa’s hand in her own. “Then you come with me, as my friend. You belong as much as I do.”  
Lexa wasn’t about to argue the point, because she had lost someone today. She lost a President who respected her, and whom she respected. And today, she completely accepted that she had lost Clarke once and for all. She needed to grieve for both.   
They walked inside quietly, because the service had just started. They listened intently as Magdalene spoke about the broken world and how it was up to each of them to fix it. That President Roslin had done her part, but the job would never be done. She spoke about how Roslin fought bravely at the face of death, and how her life was lived with dignity. It was something they should each strive for; to live in such a way that their death brings sorrow not joy to the world.  
But she also reminded them that it was not a time to remain mournful, that death was no longer something to be feared. Because Roslin’s suffering on Earth was done, and she was now happy and free and in a much better paradise than the one they had created within these city walls.  
She spoke of redemption, and love, and faith, and hope, and compassion. How they all mattered, and that Roslin had believed in each of them. That she lived those truths daily, and if they were to honor her, then perhaps they should try to live by those truths as well.  
When the service was finished, they visited each other and shared in their laughter and their tears. Both Athena and Lexa were welcomed into the room with open arms, and Lexa even shared a smile with Clarke from across the room. She made her way over to the blonde, and found that Octavia was there as well.  
“I’m glad you decided to come. I told you that this place will always be open to you, Lexa.” Clarke told her sincerely.  
“I liked the words that were said, so I’ll be coming back.” She admitted.  
Octavia excused herself and let the two talk privately.  
“I never apologized for how I acted that day I went to your house.” Clarke started, but Lexa shook her head and interrupted her.  
“I don’t hold any of it against you, Clarke.”  
Clarke looked around the room. “Do you think that after everything...you and I, we could....get to know each other not as ‘Lexa the Commander’ or ‘Clarke of the Sky People’? But just as we are now?”  
“I would like that.”  
Clarke smiled at her and then let her eyes wander again. Her face filled with contentment when they landed on Octavia speaking with Bellamy and Lincoln.  
“And I want you to know, Clarke. I don’t intend to stand between you and Octavia.”  
Clarke sighed. “You don’t have to do anything to ruin me and Octavia, I do that well enough on my own most of the time.”  
Lexa took Clarke’s hand and drew the other girl’s attention to her. “Then tell her whatever it is that you’re so scared of. She’s good for you Clarke, and you’re good for her.”

XXXXXX

Clarke led Octavia outside the library and they both stopped on the sidewalk at the sight that befell them. Newfallen snow had blanketed the world around them. The moon shone brightly in the sky, and its light danced off the snow allowing it shine like millions of tiny crystals. Its presence muted the noises of the city, and made everything appear brand new.  
“It’s beautiful.” Octavia breathed out in awe.  
Clarke took the girl’s hand and pulled at her until Octavia faced her. The excitement and pure wonderment in her eyes took Clarke’s breathe away. When she was able to regain her senses, she stepped impossibly closer to Octavia. The brunette automatically wrapped her up in her arms. Clarke looked into her eyes and cleared her throat before she spoke.  
“We have good and bad in us. All of us. I had to come to terms with all of it. Accept everything that I am. So that when I tell you this…” She kissed Octavia. “I love you with all that I am. You have to know what saying that means to me.”  
Octavia nodded as tears glided down her cheeks. She kissed Clarke back as passionately as she could; with all that she had inside her. She wanted the other girl to know the extent of her own love for her. And she wanted Clarke to feel just how thoroughly she understood what Clarke had meant.  
“I love you, too.”  
Clarke ran her fingers through Octavia’s hair, and then rested her hands on the other girl’s hips.  
“I’ve never been in love before, Octavia.” She squeezed the girl’s hips with her fingertips. “Not with Finn or even Lexa. I don’t know how to do this, and I’ll probably screw it up.”  
Octavia put her finger to Clarke’s lips and smiled adoringly at her. Clarke closed her eyes and spoke pleadingly as her lips brushed against Octavia’s upheld finger.  
“I can’t lose you.” Clarke admitted quietly, and opened her eyes after she spoke.  
“You won’t.”  
Clarke saw the unadulterated affection in Octavia’s eyes, and smiled against the girl’s finger. Octavia replaced her finger with her lips and kissed Clarke once more, with everything she had.

XXXXXXXX

Magdalene waited for everyone else to leave the library; she knew that Lexa was now alone inside the sanctuary. She brandished the knife she had hidden in her belt, and deftly made her way into the room. Lexa’s back was to her as the girl knelt at the altar in the front of the room. She raised her head when she heard movement, but didn’t turn around.  
“I owe you a ‘thank you’ I suppose.” Lexa spoke into the silence of the room.  
Magdalene’s hand paused as she brought it toward the other girl. “What do you mean?”  
Lexa looked at the painting; Clarke’s painting. “I came to the City of Lights because I had hoped to earn Clarke’s forgiveness...forgiveness she had already granted me.” Lexa shook her head and laughed humorlessly. “I was selfish and prideful to believe that her gift wasn’t enough...that I somehow owed her more. But your book, the one Clarke said saved her...I think it saved me too.”  
Magdalene swallowed thickly as she took a step closer and steadied her hand.  
“You’re in love with Clarke.” Her accusation was meant to make the girl anxious, but Lexa didn’t reply as such.  
“As are you.” Lexa shook her head and sighed. “I have also learned that loving someone isn’t about me at all. And all I want, in regards to Clarke, is for her to be happy.”  
The knife clamored to the ground as Magdalene’s eyes widened with realization. She wanted happiness for Clarke as well. And another death, especially in Clarke’s name, would be the last thing that would make the other girl happy.  
Lexa turned quickly when the metal clattered against the floor. Then she stared up at her would-be assassin. She studied the other woman’s face--the agony found there, and she reached down to pick up the fallen knife. She handed it to the other woman, the blade facing herself.  
“Do it if you must.” She told her sincerely. “But if you do not, would you do the honor of praying with me?”  
Magdalene shuttered out a breath filled with both remorse and relief.   
“God forgives us all.” Lexa told the other woman.  
Magdalene had said those very words a lifetime ago. She said them to Gaius when she had been held captive. When she only had hate and vengeance in her heart; back when all she thought she wanted was to die. She said them again, just lately, to Clarke. She believed in those words then and she believed them now.  
The blonde sheathed her knife back into it’s place on her belt. Then she fell to her knees beside the girl, and wept. Lexa reached over, and held one of the woman’s hands in both of hers. Then she, too, bowed her head to pray. They prayed individually, but they both thanked God for the same thing. Hope had helped them both survive, but it was love that saved their lives.

XXXXXX

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”  
1 Corinthians 13:13


End file.
